Ask Admin

[SeanMacGabhann]

I would argue that if a lesbian WANTS to start a thread about lesbians that is potentially going to attract puerile nonsense, then they should be allowed to . My objection initially was to the hijacking of an original, simple thread about socialising by and for lesbians into the puerile nonsense you descibe. IF people want puerile nonsense let them start their own thread

Most of us (and I'm including you in this Jah) are wont to be puerile from time to time as well, so even tho' I know what you are talking about and share your basic opinion, there isn't a lot you can do about it. DJKQ isn't being offensive in starting another thread - she just runs the risk of attracting wrong 'uns

In the end it boils down to some lesbians saying "the existence of this thread is offensive" and other lesbians saying "censoring my posts is offensive", at which point you start losing the will to live

[Jah Lush]

Sometimes you just can't win can you Sean.

[SeanMacGabhann]

true dat

[Administrator]

Well said that man.

[DJKillaQueen]

Most of us (and I'm including you in this Jah) are wont to be puerile from time to time as well, so even tho' I know what you are talking about and share your basic opinion, there isn't a lot you can do about it. DJKQ isn't being offensive in starting another thread - she just runs the risk of attracting wrong 'uns

I absolutely agree with that and I'm not an idiot...I know that's the risk. I'm big enough and ugly enough to handle it.

What I did object to was the content of the Admin post that suddenly appeared on that thread this morning. There is nothing in that thread that can be reprimanded for the three reasons that Admin list (one of which forced me to defend a myself from bring accused of homophobic). Just because someone thinks it's a 'gay slating' thread (a complaint apparently) doesn't mean it is and I think Admin have not handled it very well (which takes nothing away from the great job they do in giving us a forum in the first place).

Anyone can see from my subsequent posts I'm upset about it. I've seen far worse in the Lounge never get reprimanded. I've always been polite and reasonable when speaking with Sean about deleted posts, I've always tried to appreciate the view of Admin but on this occasion I think Admin jumped in and got things wrong.

In the end it boils down to some lesbians saying "the existence of this thread is offensive" and other lesbians saying "censoring my posts is offensive", at which point you start losing the will to live

That is the same with anything though. There are always two sides. Men take the mick out of women and vice versa - we take that as a given, the good ole battle of the sexes, no-one complains about that. The views and sensibilities within gay culture are no different. But lesbianism is not an off topic subject for heterosexuals - that's my point. Some lesbians obviously think it is. The law however would agree with me because it is not homophobic to be toungue in cheek. I happen to think my attitude is the more sensible one to have (it is far more constructive to have an open debate about stereotyping than to pretend it doesn't exist)....but I don't expect to find a date in ED any time soon lol.....and I'm definitely blaming Admin for that, of course ;-).

[RosieH]

DjKQ - I posted this this morning and then deleted it. Possibly chicken, possibly a bit tired of character assassination from certain quarters for things that I've posted that others have agreed with, only not "publicly" for fear of getting into a "thing".

So. I don't think for a second that this was your intent, but I was online last night and saw the 4 separate threads that responded to the original one develop. There were: banned posts, thesbians, lesbianism in ED and pink cycle lanes.

Whatever your original intent, had I been someone who had been offended by the original postings, I would have taken this onslaught as bullying. Not 1, but 4 threads taking the piss out of me for being offended by talk of barbers and crew cuts and whatever else.

I don't think for a second that you meant to mock anyone, but I'm genuinely surprised that you can't see that creating a thread where you invite deleted posters to reprise their deleted posts might cause offence to those who complained about those exact same posts in the first place.

The fact that it was a little gaggle of the same people on all 4 threads may well have led people to believe that you guys rule the roost and their opinions ultimately counted for nothing. As an entirely impartial (non-gay, non-complaining) outsider, that's how it seemed to me.

edcam makes a very good point - this is, ultimately, an internet forum. The number of people who have met and befriended each other is dwarfed by the number who haven't. Last night's lesbian party was an exclusive love-in that effectively stuck two fingers up (four times) at people who'd had the audacity to be offended.

[Narnia]

I really don't know why you wrote this Sean given you made it obvious that you supported the former in other posts. As for your comment regarding 'wrong un's' whoever/whatever they are, they would be banned it they were so wrong.

Regarding the puerile nonsense that both you Jah dislike but admit to writing in the past, the simple answer is is not to read it. It's so puerile, Jah has had to post his comment in two places. Why bother?

You mentioned the good old days in a post, where none of this type of stuff would happen, I presume. Well those were then and this is now. There are always people joining the forum and others leaving. You may not like what they write but so long as they stay within boundaries then there is nothing you can do about it apart from comment on it. You generally do this with subtle sarcasm.

The dislike of some posters by others is in my opinion a form of snobbishness. Lots of the written word on here is not worth reading and certainly not as funny to me as the posters might think they are. However the high and mighty stance by the old guard is just as bad, if not worse. The above appearance of backslapping in the mode of anguished parents worried about their offspring but somehow feeling a bit comforted in each others company and probably after a jar or two is a bit pathetic.

As Ed... said on the other thread, this is not a real world for many posters and that applies to me too. I don't know anyone personally. So I've resorted to imagining who posters might be like in another unreal world, TV. Thus Father Ted comes to mind when I read the above posts. You've got to be Ted, Sean. That air of authority in a big house on the small Craggy Island fits the bill. Jah could only be Father Jack. He'll complain if he's not given a drink. As for Admin, well with a mindboggling response like 'well said', he's gotto be Dougal! You can decide amongst yourselves who Mrs.Doyle is!

Of course the above should not be taken offensively please as it's my favourite comedy of all time. So please don't. To paraphrase something Willie John McBride once said, I'm 'getting my apology in first'.

[HAL9000]

I posted something that was mistakenly interpreted as homophobic a while back but was able to refudiate the allegation without revealing my sexual preference*. I don't think it was mandatory to out yourself. A simple denial would probably have worked.

Perhaps Admin can delete that post and lobotomise everyone who has read it?

* I?m a lesbian trapped in a man?s body ? in case you are wondering. I was ?turned? by a bi-girlfriend who dumped me for a chick-with-a-dick.

[Odyssey]

I have been following this and the lesbians threads throughout the day and what I can't understand is what the fuss is all about. The threads are neither offensive nor rude and the only thing that I can put it down to is some small petty-minded people trying to get their own way. As the old cliche goes: live and let live. Get off your petty stand and just let the forum flourish.

[DJKillaQueen]

Hi Rosie,

I ask this meaning no malice as you know...we've met and you know I'm not insane. Why would you or anyone find a comment about barbers and crew cuts (which we probably both agree was a reference to a lesbian stereotype) offensive? I don't know if you recall my reply to that...but I referenced a well known lesbian drama series to make the ironic point that incorrect stereotyping isn't just the premise of the public (it's a reference that would not have been lost on other lesbians). I personally think that it's far better to challenge stereotypes than to bury them through censorship.

As for the other threads, I was responsible for just one, but no-one knew who the complainent was so any reaction can not have been personal. And I did discuss it with Sean beforehand....because I don't feel offended by what I see as tongue in cheek banter about my sexuality...I'd rather have the chance to deal with it than pretend it doesn't exist. So no I really can not see why a post about crew cuts would cause such outrageous offence to warrant deletion of so many posts (and I reject the off topic excuse as the title was non-specific and in the Lounge) and the repercussions of that.

The other two threads, I again personally didn't see as anything more than a dig at Admin tbh (which is probably something you would agree on) so I am abivalent on that. I think had the deletions from the original 'Lesbians in East Dulwich' thread been handled better, the following onslaught wouldn't have happened (although I can't speak for the OP's of those threads obviously).

As for my thread, I do reserve the right to be light hearted about my sexuality. I know what homophobia is...and it's not someone making a tongue in cheek comment in the spirit of light hearted banter. It's far more sinister and dangerous than that and I would be the first to say something if I saw evidence of it.

I know nothing of cliques....I've made friends through this forum, both gay and straight and I think that most people that meet me like me and I am happy for anyone to post on any thread I start.

But you have a right to have your view too and I appreciate that you are prepared to discuss that view.

[Administrator]

Please keep this thread on topic.

[katie1997]

Dear Administrator - why don't you post a 'sticky' message on the forum reminding users that whilst it is intended to be a free resource for all, inevitably decisions will have to be taken that may not please everyone* (although donations are most welcome).

* clearly no-one is forced to stick around if they feel they have been unfairly treated, that's their choice.

[karter]

Administrator Wrote:

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> Please keep this thread on topic.

Ok then.

Dear Admin, is the edf for sale by any chance? Thanks

[binary_star]

Is there a way to reverse the order in which posts appear, i.e. so that the newest posts appear at the top once clicked into a thread? Also my language settings are set to 'English (American)', but if I try to change it, the dropdown menu only offers this option, three times....?

[HAL9000]

binary_star Wrote:

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> Is there a way to reverse the order in which posts

> appear, i.e. so that the newest posts appear at

> the top once clicked into a thread?

This works for me - press Ctrl + Alt + 'the down arrow key' at the same time. HTH

[Administrator]

Hi katie1997, people can read that in the terms. One or two decisions annoy a few people in the Lounge every few tens of thousands of posts, it really doesn't warrant a sticky thread but I agree that a few people could do a gentle reminder every now and then.

Hi Karter, no it's not for sale by any chance.

Hi binary_star, I don't believe there is a way for you to reverse the order. I can do it but that affects everyone and tantrums are thrown. And the Language option, I tinkered with the software and it now gives that option 3 times and I'm too scared to try and fix it in case I break something. It's not really American English by the way, all those optimized words should now be optimised.

[Huguenot]

I can't believe that DJKQ is trying to justify her attitude.

What she did was the playground equivalent of running up to a group of quiet girls having a friendly chat and start prancing around them shouting loudly and banging paper bags.

When asked to cease and desist she started screeching 'it's a free country I can do what I want' followed with 'you can't stop me it's the law'.

When eventually she was moved away, she decided to start her own gang on the other side of the playground, from where she lobbed flour bombs and spittle gambos back at that group she had tried to 'own' and destroy.

When this ploy also failed, she started talking about who 'owned' the entire community (like some sort of ganglord) in a transparent attempt to make the original group feel so uncomfortable and unwelcome that they either accepted her as the boss, or left the neighborhood.

I'm warmed that more constructive people have won the day.

[Smeltz]

I agree huguenot. I guess the forum isn't all about DJKQ afterall. :)

[Administrator]

And on that note we shall return to Ask Admin.

[DJKillaQueen]

I am totally fed up the bs that some people come out with..... If you'd actually seen my first post on that thread it was in defense from a comment made by someone who wasn't female or gay so you are talking total bs Hugenot (BUT HOW CAN I PROVE THAT AFTER ADMIN DELETED EVERYTHING)......just using it as an excuse to have a dig at me as usual, you sad little bully...... And another thing admin, as you are so hot on keeping everything on topic, why don't you delete the off topic cr@p from this thread. No balance as usual.

[Administrator]

DJKillaQueen Wrote:

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> And another thing admin, as you are so hot on keeping

> everything on topic, why don't you delete the off

> topic cr@p from this thread. No balance as usual.

Sorry you feel that I am unbalanced in decisions DJKillaQueen. Where the forum is concerned myself and the team have to make decisions based on various factors such as complaints (and their validity), offensiveness, keeping the peace, quelling aggressive responses, the 'flow' of thread on the forum, number of people it affects etc. I feel that taking those into account makes for balanced decisions, rather than just taking sides or giving in to the continual demands from one side.

This thread is Ask Admin, it's informative and helps people learn things about the forum and part of what they learn from this thread is the sh1t myself and the moderators have to put up with from people who think they have the right to bang on and on about petty occurrences or take threads off topic with their mates. They also get to see how friendliness, politeness and simply moving on when a simple 'please stay on topic' is requested (as has happened a few times on this thread) works.

That is why I don't "delete the off topic cr@p from this thread".

[binary_star]

Thanks for the quick response admin!

Administrator Wrote:

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> Hi binary_star, I don't believe there is a way for

> you to reverse the order. I can do it but that

> affects everyone and tantrums are thrown.

Ok, fair enough...but what a shame :(

Administrator Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> And the Language option, I tinkered with the software and

> it now gives that option 3 times and I'm too

> scared to try and fix it in case I break

> something.

Well that's reassuring ;D

[michelle-b]

Hi Admin,

Is there an east way to change my user name?

[Ladymuck]

*screams Homer Simpson style*

The "search" facility no longer works...does anyone know why that could be?

Thank you in advance.

[EmilyE]

Can't seem to use the search function at the moment. How am I going to get my windows cleaned?

Any ideas.

About the search, rather than the windows.

Thanks.