My kids are driving me nuts! Need professional help!

[reren]

Has anyone been to see a behavioural psychologist for help with normal - but annoying - children :-) my 2 year old is driving us insane and the fighting between him and his brother (5 years old) is so exhausting. number 1 was an incredibly easy and happy child when he was 2, number 2 is a different kettle of fish altogether. He is absolutely gorgeous much of the time, but much more prone to tantrums - and is going through an intense mummy phase at the moment to top things off. But I think the thing we find most difficult is that the 5 year old is picking up / copying these tantrummy behaviours - not helped by being in reception year (where he is thriving - but I think at weekends is exhausted and acting out a bit because of being good all week in school).

My husband does loads of the childcare and helps me enormously as his work is a bit more flexible than mine - so he is sharing at least half the load. But we end up disagreeing about how to deal w difficult behaviour.

I think perhaps if we had someone come in and give us some advice / rules to follow - it would help us to at least be on the same page?

I don't think any of the behaviour is particularly worrying - they adore each other much of the time and are generally lovely kids - but I'd really like weekends not to be a battleground!

[BikeChick]

I can't recommend a professional but I just wanted to post that this sounds a lot like our house at the weekends...we have a 2 year old and a 5 year old (both boys). It is relentless and noisy and they have started squabbling a lot. Does not help that our two year old has very slow speech so he can't make himself understood...so he screams and shouts. I think it is a phase....and will get easier. However, one thing I have noticed really helps is doing things individually with the two of them. So, I might take the older one to swimming and then for brunch or coffee on his own, for a treat and abit of solo time and attention. 2 year old stays with my husband. 2 year old is much calmer when on his own and plays happily. Obviously this isn't ideal as weekends are ideal family time...but we find if we mix it up a bit like this, the weekends are much more bearable. Also....consider getting a babysitter in for a few hours during the day at the weekend, to perhaps take one of the kids. There are lots of fab local au pairs who love extra babysitting.

[etta166]

If you have time to read, then Easier, Happier, Calmer Parenting is very useful though obviously not a cure-all. Entertainingly, my 6 year old found our copy tonight and very seriously told me that he didn't think his Dad (my husband) had read it yet!

[dulwichpsychology]

I can recommend these two clinical psychologists who work with children and families:

Dr Lucy Chan works in East Dulwich on Wednesdays - 07593 063687

Dr Priya Vigneswaran works in Bromley - 07906 953788

I can also recommend the Peaceful Parenting online course and the book 'Calm Parents, Happy Kids' (Dr Laura Markham). http://www.ahaparenting.com/peaceful-parenting-course

[canela]

just to agree that each parent spending individual time with each child over the weekend is a good tip. also, if your 5 year old is tired from school, probably also worth not planning very much apart from a big run around. maybe it's just me, but sometimes guilty of planning lots of stuff at the weekend when the kids need time to chill.

also might sound obvious, but it is a phase and will get better. hardest thing is disagreeing with partner over what to do about behaviour. this can be a minefield and v difficult to negotiate. i think sometimes you just can't be on the same page but can at least move to the same chapter rather than different ends of the book!

i would also pick your battles. if there's one bit of behaviour you want to tackle, just focus on that one and maybe let some other bits slide??otherwise you can spend all day arguing about one thing or another?.

[Convex]

i have found the book sibling rivalry good, i think its really for older kids but there are some useable tips in there

(mine are 4 and 2)