Sharing baby's name whilst still in the womb

[EDmummy]

It has been a few years since I was last pregnant but I wondered if I was witnessing a change in the way people talk about their unborn bundle of joys. It started to get a little more common in the last 10 years to find out and tell other people the gender of your unborn babies but I have recently noticed people calling them by the name they intend to call them.

I have absolutely no problem with people doing what they want, it is just an observation and I wondered if it was becoming a trend.

[iaineasy]

we named ours elsabel the second we saw the scan, I'm not sure why, Anna said jokingly that until we knew the sex she was going to call it the parasite!!! So naming our unborn child seemed the right thing to do it made her a person to us very early which I suppose is risky, as if anything had gone wrong with the pregnancy it would have seemed much worse for us. But you cant spend your whole life worrying about that sort of thing!!

hugs

[BellendenBear]

Don't do it! We made the mistake of sharing the name with others while I was pregnant, and people seemed to regard it as an opportunity to voice their opinion about the name in a way that I don't think they would have done once the baby was born. My family seemed to regard it as a subject that was open to consultation. I received calls and Emails backing up their dislike of the name with a list of other people they had consulted who had agreed with them.

It was awful. I got an Email from a relative in Australia the day I went into labour urging me to reconsider. I was very upset by the whole thing. Next time I definitely won't be telling anyone!

[Dulwich Born And Bred]

I decided on the name of my son whilst I was carrying him. It was great to have a name for him and refer to him by his name instead of 'it'. Everyone actually commented that they feel like they know him personally because they have been referring to him by name long before he arrived!

[ClareC]

We have decided on a name for our daughter who is due in a few weeks. We have shared both the gender and the name with anyone that has asked and have not had anything negative said. I think the worse question is how we chose..... erm we just liked the name!!!

It is nice having a name and using it before she is born - both when talking about her and to her. My partners parents want a surprise, so don't know, its horrible not being able to use her name when we see them.

They are staying with us over the Christmas period (along with my parents, sister and her family, who all know name and gender), its going to be soooooo hard not to slip up!!! It's bound to happen!

[EDmummy]

Lovely to hear of new babies arriving in the next few weeks. Ianeasy, I love that name. It is truly beautiful.

[lorraineliyanage]

We gave our daughter a nickname whilst I was pregnant and we still call her that now, they even call her that at nursery, not many people know her real name!

[littleEDfamily]

We knew our name before conception (I never had a doubt it wouldn't be a girl) and it felt really nice being able to associate the 'fetus' with an actual named child all the way through... but.... we didn't tell anyone else the name, mainly for fear of the sort of response BellendenBear got (horrible). When friends are having a baby, I quite like the suspense of not knowing the name until they actually pop out.

But to answer your question, ED Mummy, yes I think it is becoming more of a trend - sort of a natural next step to finding out the sex.

[EDmummy]

Funnily enough, although our first was called Ebechenezer (sp?) whilst in the womb, the name we called him after he was born just did not suit him. Luckily we had another name that we really, really liked and were going to use as his second name so we just reversed them. This name was and is absolutely perfect.

[iaineasy]

Lovely to hear of new babies arriving in the next few weeks. Ianeasy, I love that name. It is truly beautiful.

-------------------------

Awww thanks I thought we had made it up as I liked Elsa and Anna liked Isabel so we joined them! however I just looked it up on google and there seems to be a few more!:-S

[craigy]

we had a name and told people but i didn't call him by it until he was born and wouldn't allow anyone else to either- it just didn't seem right to me but that is just my opinion... my sister is currently pregnant and refers to her baby by her name all the time and that doesn't sit right with me (although i don't tell her that....)

bellendenbear- how bl00dy rude, people are so rude, i am interested to know what this name was that caused so much debate and bad manners....

[Pickle]

First time round my bump was referred to as "Cecil", but we didn't use it as his name! Second time round I had a name for my baby picked out in advance but kept it a secret... very important since I knew the sex of the baby, but my husband didn't! I'm still amazed to this day that I managed to get from my scan at 23 weeks till her birth at 37 weeks without letting slip, he didn't have a clue (and forgot to even look when she was born, I had to remind him!)

[Gubodge]

I did not discovered the sex of either of mine until they were born, and they didn't have settled, definite names until they were about a week old. I'm one of these weirdoes who couldn't possibly consider naming a child until I've met them. But it did put us at a disadvantage. Early on in my pregnancy we'd had Isobel pretty much at the top of the list, until a friend, who was not due until a couple of months after me, declared that that was what their (confirmed) daughter was to be called. In my hormonal state it felt a bit like they had cheated, by swiping the name before they had a child to bestow it on. They've been forgiven now, although I still think the name would suit ours better than theirs.

[littleEDfamily]

Ooh yes, Gubodge, I remember while I was pregnant, my sister in law telling us about her friend who had just called her baby not only the same first name as we had picked out, but also a variant of OUR middle name. I remember being quite irrationally cross about it, even though this friend lives in another country. I guess that's the downside of keeping tight lipped.

[sillywoman]

Insensitive naming is sadly more common than you may think. A dear friend of mine had a baby boy at 21 weeks, they named him Jack, he didn't survive. Her sister in law was due to have a baby at the same time Jack should have been born. She duly had a boy at term, and - yes, you've guessed it - named him Jack. I was speechless when my lovely friend told me.

Sorry to go off on a tangent from thread.

I would say tell no-one unless you're absolutely sure of your name & will not be changing your mind come hell or high water, the kind of response that Bellendenbear got is quite common & if you have a name you like you don't need to know what everyone else thinks of it.

Also it's quite nice to 'introduce' your baby to the world once it's born.

My Mum insisted on calling my 3rd boy 'Max' until he was about a year old. This wasn't any of his given names, just a name she liked, & she hated the one we'd given him so much she refused to use it for that period until she finally got used to it. Parents eh?!

[sophiesofa]

Good grief sillywoman, what your friends sister in law and brother did is possibly the most thoughtless thing I think I've ever heard - how horrible.

As for people not liking names - tough smuff, they should mind their own business.

[Keef]

First time Mrs Keef was pregnant, we told too many people about it, and I did mention names we'd considered, to various friends. Sure enough, baby never made it, which was fecking horrible, but fortunately, we'd never really started associating a name directly with it.

Next time, we were much more secretive, until much later on, and like Lorraine, we had a nickname for the unborn baby, which is still used. However, as soon as she was born, and we were told it was a girl, we agreed that she should have the name we'd both always liked... Had things been different, then the first baby may have been given that name (had it been a girl), but I don't feel like we'd already given it, so felt fine using it.

[daizie]

Both times i was pregnant i called the lump 'Steven', no idea why . Sillywoman how selfish and uncaring of these people . They deserve to be ignored for the rest of their lives . Who needs families eh .

[The Nappy Lady]

I had a girls name picked out for years (weirdo I know), thankfully hubby liked it too, so first daughter's name was set in stone from the 23 week scan when we knew she was a she.....but we had a nickname for her, which we still use even now, 5 years on....

2nd time around we went all around the houses to agree on a name, and found boys names much harder than girls. Thankfully we had another girl so wasn't too hard to agree on something in the end, though she too has a nickname we use just as much as her 'real' name. I must admit I got out voted on the name I really wanted, and will always be a little bit sad about that - I have a secret campaign to instill the name in her so if she ever needs to adopt a 'professional' name - as when registering with Equity or something she might decide to use it! Her dad would kill me!

A slight tangent, but connected.....I don't think there is any right or wrong with the telling / not telling argument, reckon it just comes down to each individual couple to do what is right for them. We were always pretty open about pregnancies, and name discussions, what sex baby we were having etc. and it was always fine. The pregnancies I lost were early enough for us not to have got to the naming stage so I never had that dilemma. Friends and family knowing we'd lost a baby was, for us, helpful because frankly I needed the love and support they could offer. If we'd been trying to keep it secret people would have wondered what was wrong, and maybe misunderstood our behaviour. But....for others I can understand secrecy is the easier route.

Molly

[lorraineliyanage]

I can't ever imagine calling my daughter by anything other than her nickname, her real name is a bit grown-up and proper for a littl'un who is very cheeky and baby-ish at the moment. Can't keep calling her by a nickname forever though, I suppose, although I do teach a 7 year old with a cute nickname, so it could last a while longer!

[Polly D]

We knew we were having a boy, and people would always ask if we knew, and what would the name be, and as we'd already decided on the name I told people but only when they asked, which they did, a lot. I found everyone's response to be positive but even if they thought 'oh don't you want a surprise' or 'WHAT?!' to the name I wouldn't care because it's so personal. And family's response was all positive. We ummed and urred a bit though because his name is kind of male version of his cousin's name but we asked SIL and she was great about it. We now only call him by his nickname, however, but we'll have to stop soon because it will embarrass the hell out of him when he's older...believe me.

[sillywoman]

I used to be a Nanny to a child whose family nick-name was 'PonkyPonkyPoo'. Ok whilst a baby but I had to point out to his Mum on his first day of school that it mightn't be appropriate for a school boy!

[littleEDfamily]

We got lots of disapproving comments when we mentioned we had decided to find out the gender of the baby. The over 50s in particular said annoying things to us like "What would you want to do that for, you've spoilt the fun". It seems that having a baby is the easiest way to get people to be impolite and insensitive - maybe society's way of toughening you up in preparation for the challenges ahead! (or maybe nothing more than people being irritating!)

[Belle]

I found cab drivers in particular were very critical about my decision to find out the sex - they would always ask, only to have a massive go at me for doing it. We had about 3 names in our minds I think with the one we chose being the main favourite, and we told people - most were cool but of course there were some people w ho didn't like it. I didn't care - not their baby!

[ryedalema]

We chose the name for our new daughter (due anytime now) quite early on too and told our two year old daughter. I think it's really helped her to understand a bit better by telling her that 'Cassie's in there'. She's started saying 'careful mummy, look out for Cassie', and 'when's Cassie coming?'. I'm hoping it'll ease the transition from single daughter to shared limelight - but who knows.