Pondering baby number 3 - tell me honestly how hard is it?

[Strawbs]

I never thought I'd be doing this but I am seriously pondering baby number 3. Turning the ripe old age of 38 this coming September I figure it's now or never! I can hand on heart say I found the transition from 1-2 difficult and whilst some people say that a 3rd isn't much harder than 2 other people say it's the one that sends you over the edge! Lol. So I am looking for some advice from parents that have been there and done that!

thanks all!

X

[Strawbs]

Ps ages of mine now are 4 and almost 2. X

[Pickle]

Hi Strawbs!

As you know, I've got 3. Ages now are nearly 9, 7.5 and 4 (today!) - so when number 3 arrived the others were nearly 5 and 3.5. I was 38 when I had my third baby.

Hand on heart, I haven't found it hard. Eldest was in reception, middle child half days at school nursery, and after such a small gap between my first two (just under 17 months) I found having just one baby at home in the mornings was lovely. I was far more chilled out than with the others too - I think with the first two I felt the easiest way to deal with a small gap was to get out to playgroups etc every day, whereas with one winter born baby I relished the opportunity to cosy up inside and watch TV :)

Now they're all at school, youngest half days, and it makes me realise just how quickly the years pass by.

Logistics can sometimes be tricky, for example two of mine spent 2 years on Monday afternoons sitting outside a ballet class, and there are often occasions where two kids need to be in different places at the same time, but you just adapt. Where possible we combine activities, so all 3 have swimming lessons at the same time.

The washing pile is never ending, that's probably the biggest thing I notice. And as they get older, suddenly you find the food bill increasing. The house is noisy, and I fight a battle against clutter every day (for another 11.5 months until we move to our new life on the other side of the world!).

I wouldn't change it, best decision we could have made. Must add though, a supportive partner makes a huge difference, so make sure you're both on the same page (which I'm sure you are).

[Strawbs]

Thanks Pickle that's very reassuring to hear! The Noise and mess are the things that cross my mind! We would have to upgrade the car but tbh we need to do that anyway and we would need to move but again we are doing that anyway whether or not baby 3 comes or not. We are meant to be moving to Oz in November but progressing with baby number 3 we would delay that for a while, I can't fathom uprooting everyone whilst pregnant etc.

When I think about it I know in my heart I will regret if I don't do it but I am definitely left feeling daunted by the potential chaos of it all. I had better get all of my knitting orders in before you go lol!

Life is just starting to get back to normal with number 2 Approaching two years old and I actually find time to get the the gym and get some me time so rewinding again to newborn I wonder if I am mad but I guess it's all just a phase and I will find that time again and a new baby far outweighs going to a pump class haha. (Someone remind me of this please when you see me pounding the pavement with a crying baby and my hair not brushed!)

Xx

[BellendenBear]

We bypassed number 3 and went directly from 2 to 4 (number 3 was twins). It's noisy, noisy, messy, chaotic, did I mention noisy? The washing never ends and sometimes I feel like a total drudge. childcare bills are enormous but work keep me sane. But I love it, it's lots of fun and I feel very lucky.

I think the fact that you are even asking the question means you want it to happen.

Maybe this will help:

http://www.scarymommy.com/having-a-third-child/

[jollymummy]

We had the same thought process as you Strawbs, turned 38 and thought now or never. My kids are 7 and 4 and while I sometimes worry about life with 3 I am looking forward to number 3 arriving in April.

We are too moving to Oz at the end of the year and that concerns me a bit too as will leave support network but think it will all work out.

[Pickle]

Nice to hear positive stories from other 3/4 child families!

On the life getting back to normal point - I found this happened a lot sooner after my 3rd child than with the others. I love my running/exercise, and it became even more important to me when I had #3, as the time to myself was such a treat! In the early days I would go out for a long walk with the baby, leaving my partner with the others... you quickly realise that the baby is the easy job 😉

Being organised helps. I've got the kids uniforms, PE kit, books etc all laid out ready for tomorrow morning - the more you can do in advance, the better.

Anyway, good luck x

[Ant]

I have no real idea how on earth we managed to pay for all that childcare, or how we survived the period while they were all under 5. I mean literally. No real memory. I suspect I was too tired. Now that they're older I'm noticing less immediate things, for instance how family tickets for things are almost always set up for 2+2. Holidays get very expensive very quickly. Meals out too. Everything it just... more. Managing the calendar can be challenging at times but it's not usually too bad. Swimming with all three becomes impossible for a while (wrong ratio of adults to kids under whatever-age-it-is). As others have said there's never-ending noise, clutter, laundry... The house is too small and we can't afford to move without going much further away than we'd like. But despite all this I'm glad we went for number three. Wouldn't have felt finished otherwise, if that makes sense.

[Northeastview]

BellendenBear Wrote:

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>" We bypassed number 3 and went directly from 2 to 4

> (number 3 was twins)."

If that is not enough to strike fear in your heart I don't know what would!

[etta166]

> Swimming with all three becomes

> impossible for a while (wrong ratio of adults to

> kids under whatever-age-it-is).

Just in case this would be the deciding factor, you can take 3 children under 8 into any Wandsworth pool with 1 adult. Whether you can get them all to Wandsworth is another matter...

[Strawbs]

Northeastview Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> BellendenBear Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> >" We bypassed number 3 and went directly from 2

> to 4

> > (number 3 was twins)."

>

> If that is not enough to strike fear in your heart

> I don't know what would!

hahaha AGREED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for all of your input, it is a lot of food for thought, I shall continue my slow ponder..

[uncleglen]

we had 3 and it felt 'wrong', unbalanced...so we had another!

[Mrs TP]

I love that uncleglen but I managed to stop at 3. Happy with that but defo tip my hat to those that carried on.

Strawbs as someone else said along the way if you are thinking about it then it is highly likely you will go for it and probably just need someone to push you off that cliff.

Sod the cash and practicalities and think that it is another little person you are thinking about and soon enough you won't be able to remember life without them.

It is another little bit of chaos but you are experienced and more relaxed. Someone did mention swimming lessons and yes I do think 'ugh how many more swimming lessons do I have to sit through?' but that's about it.

People regret the kids they didn't have and not the ones they did.

Go for it.

[MarianaTrench]

Strawbs ? didn't you post a while ago about having a bad sleeper :-) Or was that someone else?

[KatDew]

We went from 1 to 3. As others have mentioned the washing and food provision are endless and the childcare bills are horrific.

Still wouldn't change it. The dynamic is different, noisy, slightly feral but there is a lot of fun.

I was one of three, I never thought the dynamic was right growing up. Honestly I think 2 or 4 works better but having got twins second time round, nothing was going to sort out that dynamic so we are sticking with 3.

[Strawbs]

You've nailed I think I do just need that push, when I think about it there are a million reasons not to but a million and 1 to!

Every time I make my mind up I talk myself out of it!

Mrs TP Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I love that uncleglen but I managed to stop at 3.

> Happy with that but defo tip my hat to those that

> carried on.

>

> Strawbs as someone else said along the way if you

> are thinking about it then it is highly likely you

> will go for it and probably just need someone to

> push you off that cliff.

>

> Sod the cash and practicalities and think that it

> is another little person you are thinking about

> and soon enough you won't be able to remember life

> without them.

>

> It is another little bit of chaos but you are

> experienced and more relaxed. Someone did mention

> swimming lessons and yes I do think 'ugh how many

> more swimming lessons do I have to sit through?'

> but that's about it.

>

> People regret the kids they didn't have and not

> the ones they did.

>

> Go for it.

[Strawbs]

That was me! I've birthed two woeful sleepers but I used Nicola Watson second time around and she changed my life so I'd use her again in a heartbeat! X

MarianaTrench Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Strawbs ? didn't you post a while ago about having

> a bad sleeper :-) Or was that someone else?

[Strawbs]

I do worry re the dynamic now everyone keeps mentioning it! X

KatDew Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> We went from 1 to 3. As others have mentioned the

> washing and food provision are endless and the

> childcare bills are horrific.

> Still wouldn't change it. The dynamic is

> different, noisy, slightly feral but there is a

> lot of fun.

> I was one of three, I never thought the dynamic

> was right growing up. Honestly I think 2 or 4

> works better but having got twins second time

> round, nothing was going to sort out that dynamic

> so we are sticking with 3.

[snowboarder]

Sorry this may be completely irrelevant as I do not have 3 children - I only have 2, and I suppose you always ultimately have to end up happy with what you have.

Anyway, we seriously considered having a third when my youngest was 13/14 months so we would have a similar 2 year age gap, and decided to go for it. Unfortunately things don't always work out the way you plan, and various set backs and miscarriages later we decided enough and to enjoy our two boys. They are now 4 and 6, it's brilliant and noisy and crazy so god only knows what a third would be like! We fit in our car and in hotel rooms and can just afford flights and holidays, the boys are great buddies (and boxing partners!) and I feel like life has really moved on. I know it's not the same but when one of them has a friend round the dynamic of three is totally different. I went back to work shortly after things not working out and childcare (now only school wraparound) has been just about manageable - and whilst clearly I feel sad in theory for the baby that didn't make it, I also sometimes think maybe, just maybe, we are just right with two, and that was how it is meant to be.

So I suppose I'm saying absolutely go for it, but also that surviving with 'just' two boys is hard work, they are pretty full on but also a really cool pair!!

[MarianaTrench]

I used Nicola Watson for both of mine too, but baby 2 still managed to bring me to the brink in the space of 4.5months! :-) (I am not helping am I? I'll shut up now. :-) It sounds like you want a third, go for it!)