separation anxiety

[Belle]

Having thought I'd got away on this one, it seems baby J has succumbed to classic separation anxiety. It's quite weird as he's never been especially cuddly or clingy but literally in the last two days that's all changed! My mum's down and it started when she arrived - lots of crying in her face, refusing to be held by her etc, and he was doing it with some friends today too. All v difficult as I find it embarassing/upsetting in case the person in question takes it personally and also it's so nice to be able to have a break so I hate not being able to hand him over for a little bit! Interestingly if I leave the room or am out of sight he's absolutely fine. I know this is a really common thing so wondered if anyone has any reassuring words about it not lasting too long?!

[The Nappy Lady]

How old is he Belle? Hard to predict how long it will last, but the most important thing to remember is the last bit of your post - "if I leave the room or am out of sight he's fine"....try not to get stressed or worried about it, and def. not embarrassed - just shrug it off to others - he's in that phase, they all have to go through it at some point.

I don't honestly think you can do much to make it better, or pass faster, just carry on as normal. It may be that he's just feeling a bit 'off' - teething, or a cold etc. and that he will be back to normal in a day or two, or it may be a phase that is going to last longer. If the latter he just needs to learn that you go away, but also come back......someone once said to me it is the sign of a good parent which at least puts a nicer slant on what is quite a hard time.

I find baby C (14 months) quite confident and outgoing generally, but when tired or poorly she's very clingy. When at childminders she sometimes crys when I leave, but is fine without about half a minute of me being gone out the door. I reckon she breastfeeds to keep me there when I'm dropping her off too - clever little madam!

Hope this helps a bit.

Molly

x

[Belle]

Thanks Molly - he's 10 months, just, and I've heard it's a phase that can kick in from around 9/10 months. Like the theory about the good parenting! Def is more clingy when teething or ill but the odd thing about the last 2 days is that I think he's fine physically - it just seemed to happen the minute I looked like I was about to hand him over to someone. My poor mum, luckily I don't think she's taken it to heart having had two kids herself. The funny thing is he's super smiley and sociable when out and about - ridiculously so - yet being held by relatives etc today (it was his christening) he was v unsure and crying etc. But good advice, will try to just get into my head that it's a phase and there's nothing I can do anyway.

[Pickle]

Completely normal, I think they all do it at some stage. My son was like that for a short period around 10 months, my daughter has days even now (17 months) where she does the same - due to teeth or illness I think, and has done since she was about 12 months.

Generally she's like Molly's little one, very outgoing etc., but she seems to have days where only Mummy will do. I don't mind too much, as most of the time now if I ask her for a cuddle she shakes her head, says "no" then runs in the opposite direction saying "byeeeeeeee".

Most people will understand, so try not to worry about it too much.

[The Nappy Lady]

10 months - classic age...and if his christening then a lot going on I imagine and more people than normal around wanting cuddles etc. I expect it has just brought it all to a head. Typical though eh?!

Pickle - Baby C has just started to 'refuse' me the odd kiss request now and then....sob how can it all happen so soon? Love the image of your little girl yelling byeeeeee as she goes!

Molly

[sunbob]

My 9 months plus 3 weeks little one has just got over her latest few days phase of this too! She was very upset whenever I left the room, even to do things she is really very familiar with and even when I was right next to her but she couldn't get through a safety gate between us.

I tried to act as if she was ok, just carrying on with whatever conversation or activicty when I returned. Her crying gradually got less and less over a number of days and now she's back to feeling more confident on her own for a few minutes.

Having said that, I don't know whether that technique helped, or if she just would have got over it anyway!

[Fuschia]

It's part of brain development..

http://www.livingcontrolsystems.com/wonder_weeks/content_ww.html#ch08

[Belle]

it's interesting as it's coincided with him really fighting nap time and bedtime and I'm wondering if it's all linked in - ie now he knows that when I put him in the cot I'm going away? Ahhh - it's all guesswork with babies isn't it?!

Fuschia - I can't open that link - let me know what section of the site it's on and I'll have a read. I really should finish Why Love Matters as sure there'd be relevant bits on this - reading a book takes so long with a baby!

[coopercat]

.

[Fuschia]

"Wonder Week 46:

The World of Sequences

Babies are natural mess makers. During the last leap in your baby's mental development, this talent probably seemed at its peak. You may have marveled at your baby's knack for destruction as he disassembled, tossed around, and squished everything in his path. If you are alert for newly developing skills in your baby, at around 46 weeks you may suddenly notice him doing things that are quite the opposite. He will begin, for the first time, to try to put things together.

Your baby is now ready to discover the world of sequences. From this age on, he can begin to realize that to reach many of his goals, he has to do things in a certain order to be successful."

[Mellors]

I agree its completely normal. It seemed to kick in at about 9 months with both of mine. I can't quite think when it passed, but lasting about 3 months or so seems right? My 15 month old is definitely well over it now. No need to be embarassed - its just a normal part of their development.

[powercow]

Could be way off the mark, but I wonder whether it had something to do with it being your mum? My son and my mother (she lives "up norffff") used to vie for my attention; since I don't see my mum that often there's always a lot to catch up on and my son didn't like it. In fact, both seemed to feel they were entitled to my undivided attention and did not want to share it with the other.

Also, if your mum's not nearby, he may not be that confident about his relationship with her. We may assume our children know our close relatives because we talk about them, but it must be daunting for a little one when a comparitive stranger bears down on them demanding hugs and kisses.

My son and mum are fine now (he's 7) and it has never been a problem with my daughter...Ishe's always had to share me.