Nursery worries - advice appreciated

[slummymum]

My son has recently started at a reputable nursery for two sessions a week. He is small for his age and has been coming back very upset saying that one of the children has been pushing him. The child in question is bigger than my son and has learning difficulties which we knew about before we started and we fully support that child being there. My problem is that I am concerned the staff aren't being upfront with me about what is happening between this child and my son. For example it was my son not the staff who told me about the pushing (which the other child can't help). I have now said twice to the staff that I want to know about all the incidents so that I have a sense of whether my son is going on about one incident or several and so I can try and allay his worries. Today I picked him up and he had a red mark on his cheek. The nursery staff said he had been in an accidental collision with "another child" in the nursery. My son told me it was this same child and when I checked with the staff they confirmed this was the case. Given I had already asked to be told about about all the incidents I don't understand why they didn't just say this straight up. I have said all along that I don't blame the other child but I do want to make sure things are managed so that my son is OK.

The nursery has offered to move my son to a different sessions but the issue is more that I don't understand why the staff aren't being more upfront with me. I have said once again that I would like to be told about all these incidents. I am tempted just to pull him out but he otherwise seems OK there and on the whole I think the nursery is good. Also if I pull him out now would this leave me for the rest of the term's fees? All advice appreciated.

[womanofdulwich]

Have you spoken to the nursery manager?- or just the nursery nurses? it maybe that the nursery nurses are not fully communicating what has happened to the manager, a tricky one but I don't think you should pull your child until you have exhausted the chance of getting to the bottom of it.nursery staff and teachers can be quite defensive.if you can change sessions that might be a help, but I agree you want to try and findout what their policies are on this sort of thing.good luck

[minder]

They should have an incident/accident book to record anything happening to your child, especially if it results in any kinds of marks to the face/body.

I know children are children and these things happen but the nursery shouldn't be complacent about this sort of thing.

[Goodliz]

In my experience they should be telling you that these incidents are happening. They may not name the child in question but they should be telling you that something has happened. Whenever stuff has happened at nursery with my kids I've had to sign an accident form. I'd bring it up with the nursery manager and also put your concerns in writing about it into the manager too.

[Pugwash]

My youngest daughter did work experience in a private day nursery and was upset at the way some of the staff reacted to the children - they were not cruel just thoughtless. She told me of an incident where a child around 2 -3 did a painting for her mum, the staff told the child it was not good enough to give mum and tore it up. Daughter had to comfort child as staff did not seem to realise how their actions had upset child. I agree that you need to talk to the Nursery manager - having worked with children with learning disabilities, they too need to know 'good' and 'bad' behaviour, it may take longer for them to realise that pushing other children is 'not good' but it is essential. Are the staff wary of repremanding the child with LD - they may feel that they are 'picking on him'. Is the child's mother/father aware of the pushing incidents?. I must admitt my youngest went to my workplace nursery from 6 months to almost 5 - any incident I was immediently told about when I collected her. There was a child who was going through the biting stage and my girl got bitten on the cheek- i was rung up at work and told about the incident ( which was also in the incident/accident book). After a few similiar incidents, the child's mother was informed and together with the staff, the parents were supported in implimenting some behaviour modification techniques with the child in question, and the biting gradually ceased.

[Smiler]

How worrying - may be worth complaining, they should have a procedure. If you pull him out would imagine you'd be liable for the fees - it'll be in the terms and conditions somewhere.

[EmilyE]

I agree that the nursery ought to be more upfront, especially if you have asked them to be, but it may be that they are trying to protect the other child, especially as perhaps not everyone is as supportive of you of their presence in the nursery. Not saying that that defends the nursery staff's behaviour, but maybe you could spell out your support, and just explain that you need to know to know how to handle it with your own child. Think you probably would lose your fees.