Top Tips

[daizie]

An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.

[womanofdulwich]

is that your experience?

[woofmarkthedog]

If....

...someone you know doesn't have an I-phone then delete their contact details

Who needs to know people like that

W**F

[legalbeagle]

*sob*

Well that's that then. So long woof.

*more sobbing*

[woofmarkthedog]

Sorry...

Who are you..?

You are not on my contact list

* taps screen *

W**F

[legalbeagle]

I's too late to make excuses now you mangey mutt.

*Flounces off in a huff*

[M.J.]

I learned that with baking soda, vinegar and lemon you can clean almost all of the house :)

[daizie]

Climb onto your neighbour's roof and dangle a fish on a bit of string in front of his windows. He'll think his house is underwater.

[waynetta]

Gents save vital seconds in the morning by urinating in the sink whilst you brush your teeth.

['bout now]

Fool people into thinking that a minature horse is about to appear by simply tapping two Pistachio shells together.

[daizie]

i like that :))

[waynetta]

Catch moths using a mousetrap baited with a jumper.

[daizie]

A next door neighbour's car aerial, carefully folded, makes an ideal coat hanger in an emergency.

[waynetta]

Save money on expensive nicotine gum by chewing ordinary gum and smoking a cigarette at the same time.

['bout now]

Create atmosphere in your fridge by installing a dimmer switch.

[waynetta]

Busy executives. Don't buy a daschshund. Their amusing shape means they take 50 per cent longer to stroke than other dogs, and time is money.

[daizie]

Housewives: When nipping out to the shops, remember to carry a stiff broom in the boot of your car. Use it to sweep the broken glass to the side of the road every time you have a minor accident.

[waynetta]

haha that's actually a good tip if you've seen my driving. :-$

[waynetta]

Smokers.Wear a golf visor between your nose and top lip to keep your cigarette dry in the shower.

[woofmarkthedog]

waynetta....

She obviously likes a "Fag"

( which is nice )

W**F

[waynetta]

Surprise your teenage son by putting cigarettes instead of candles on his birthday cake. Everybody cheer as he lights his first one up.

[????]

Living alone and missing having another half? Get in late pissed; try and creep in as quitely as possible then throw plates at yourself and sleep on the sofa.

[daizie]

Hahaha love it waynetta

[flapjackdavey]

huncamunca Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Never ever bloody anything ever

good advice .

[waynetta]

Take the trauma out of serious road accidents by replacing your driver's airbag with a large whoopee cushion. You'll still be laughing even while you're being cut from the wreckage.