How much to spend on a wedding gift???

[Moos]

Brendan Wrote:

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> Did they find it boring or offensive Moos?

They didn't say. I am genuinely bemused by the idea that telling people what you would like to have as a present should they like to get you one is offensive. I am worried now that we may have offended our friends, but I can only hope not! We did make quite a strong point of emphasising that a gift was not by any means expected, especially since we were married abroad and since people had to fly over their presence at our wedding was the gift we wanted most. Still, it was quite a party (which we paid for ourselves) so hopefully all of our guests managed to stifle their offence sufficiently to have a nice time.

[annaj]

What I'm finding offensive is the judging of those of us who chose to have a wedding list as rude selfish gits who bored and offended our friends with our demands.

We had a wedding list, after much discussion between the two of us and with our family and close friends, all of whom were in favour. Our (and their) logic was that people would want to buy us gifts and a. they might as well be things we wanted and needed and b. people find it helpful to have guidance. There were lots of things on our list that were only a few pounds and we were grateful and flattered by every single gift. A few people bought off list or gave us money and we were also extremely grateful for that.

One of the most important parts of our wedding day, for me, was sharing it with people we loved and I wanted everyone to be happy. When planning I spent a lot of my time imagining how the day would be for a guest and trying to make sure it was fun and I believed our friends when they told us they'd had a wonderful day.

The gifts that we were bought were mostly small, but beautiful, things that are now all around our flat reminding us of our friends and of a lovely day. Sorry if that's so offensive *Bob* and Brendan.

[*Bob*]

You'll have to ask Brendan about the 'offensive' part. I've no idea what he means there.

Boring? YES.

[daizie]

best not to have any friends

[????]

*Bob* sooooooo wants a Dualit

[annaj]

Look, *Bob* I get it. You don't believe in marriage and you don't like weddings, fair enough, that's the right thing for you.

But I do believe in marriage and I love weddings and ours was a really important day for me. That's not wrong, it's just different. Do you really have to be so dismissive and judgemental about something just because it's not what you choose?

[bignumber5]

We specifically asked that people didn?t bring gifts but they conspired against us and all put money together that we were told to use towards our honeymoon.

a friend of mine - who chose not to have a list - showed me a cupboard full of sheets, irons, saucepans etc that he had received as wedding presents and did not need

Which basically combine to prove the point that friends are likely to want to get a couple something by way of congratulations, and wedding lists are a way of pretty much guaranteeing that what they get you is something that you like and will hopefully treasure, or at the very least get use from. It's not offensive, it actually stops your friends from wasting their money on crap that you don't want, as we've established that we pretty much all agree that they're likely to want to buy something whether they know what you want or not.

Doesn't Mrs.brendan ask you what you want for Christmas?

Is your answer boring and offensive?

How is it any different?!

[SeanMacGabhann]

annaj, err.. how long have you been reading this forum? That's kinda one of *Bob*s USPs...

Personally, I find it quite attractive in a man. But as *bob* already knows, I can pretty much turn my head the full 360 degrees and still he's not interested

[daizie]

no idea you had bi-sexual tendencies

[*Bob*]

Anna, you seem to be confusing 'having a pop' at tedious wedding lists as some sort of attack on the sanctity of marriage itself - and (for some reason) on your special day in particular. There's no need to.

Everybody loves a good wedding. Even me.

[SeanMacGabhann]

I don't, daizie - but I am an incorrigible flirt

[daizie]

robbie williams has proposed lol

[bignumber5]

The 'wedding list' is a throwback to an age gone-by when couples were usually setting-up home together for the first time and actually 'needed' useful and practical stuff because they didn't have it and could afford to buy it all, especially after laying-on the wedding. It was a good thing to do.

A smidge misguided to assume that this isn't still true for some of us: "setting up home" was exactly what our wedding list did for us, and it stopped us ending up with 37 plates and 8 toasters. I envy you and your already set-up home, but I'd rather not be judged offensive and boring for needing a little help with mine.

[daizie]

oh get over your marriage fgs

[Ted Max]

AnnaJ's got *Bob* in a neck hold on the floor, and tags the Big Fiver in to dive on his head from the ropes. Awesome move.

[annaj]

Well, let's see.

How did I come to the conclusion that you were anti marriage? I think it was when you said you'd only marry Mrs *Bob* if forced.

And why am I taking it personally? Well, because you have so far called wedding lists, and people who have them, impersonal, sad, depressing, boring and (my favourite) spoilt children. And Brendan has suggested that having a wedding list is boring and offensive to your friends. Feels a bit personal to me as someone who had one.

And Sean, just because it's what *Bob* always does, does that mean it's not allowed to piss me off?

[womanofdulwich]

my work colleague got married last month and the wedding was costing ?134 a head. his choice I know, but I did think that if he had invited me, and i had attended I would have felt inclined to spend more on him than if he had had a smaller ceremony. Is that untypical? he told me that bacon butties were costing him ?7.50 each for the end of the evening. What a rip off the whole thing is.

[daizie]

lmfao

[????]

*Bob* you can have my Dualit for a tenner only does ones side of the bread on two of the four slots

[Ted Max]

Was it Sting's toaster?

[bignumber5]

Ted Max Wrote:

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> AnnaJ's got *Bob* in a neck hold on the floor, and

> tags the Big Fiver in to dive on his head from the

> ropes. Awesome move.

Busted...

Though not particularly surprising that we agree on this one!

[daizie]

fancy a 3some?

[bignumber5]

errr... no

[*Bob*]

I'm against current laws, which favours (financially) those who choose to get married but only offers the alternative of a civil partnership to gay men and women. It's inequality, and it sucks.

Good luck to everyone and their wedding lists.

As for couples who 'tell' each other what they want for Christmas..? Jesus wept. I want a present from you to me. Not something from me to me - via you. I might as well just buy it myself and cut out the middle woman.

[SeanMacGabhann]

Well you're allowed to be pissed off but I'm not sure why - you seem to be taking this a tad too personally

Cynical we may be, and I'm not arguing for a second with you or bignumber5, but anyone who has been to several weddings a year for the last decade or two will recognise plenty in what Brendan and *Bob* say

That's not to diminish your wedding, or any other happy couples wedding, but looking at the wider picture... ?