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Russell Brand

Tara Palmer Tompkinson

Katie Price

Gordon Brown

Most Premiership footballers (and their WAGS)

Natalie Cassidy

Everyone who has had their home featured on 'How clean is your house' (filthy pigs)

Every Big Brother contestant

Jack Tweedy

Gwyneth Paltrow and Madonna and whoever follows that macrobatic diet shite

George Bush

Miserable cow who works security in my office

HW (a colleague)

Keira Knightly

that'll do for now

He may be a 'swoonboat' (whatever that is, Ted) to you - but I want to slap him. Yes, you heard right. Slap him. Hard.


GOD how I HATE bloody DAVID SODDING ATTENBOROUGH. He makes me SICK. Just looking at him, all sad with his weepy animal eyes, pawing at the camera like some bleating water buffalo with a stiffy. Jesus wept GIVE IT A REST, man.

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