Advice needed - childcare

[standswithfist]

For those with nannies or childminders - any advice on what to look for when you take someone on? I'm going back to work in a few weeks and its my first baby. I've met one nanny so far and I really liked her. I'm seeing another nanny and 2 childminders later this week. I'm so worried about leaving her though and wondered what I shoud be looking for? any advice would be greatly received. thanks.

[Moos]

I think this is going to be one of those parenting things when the answer is 'whatever you want'! :)

So, the basics

- experience with a child your child's age

- qualifications are nice, but may not be necessary

- CRB check (although of course this is only valid the day it's published, but it's the best we have)

- faultless references that you should follow up absolutely scrupulously

- first aid certificate

And then it's about what you need personally. Someone who likes routine? Someone who's creative? Someone who's a great cook? Someone who speaks the language you want your child to learn? Someone who'll keep a diary for you? For us, it was about finding someone with lots of experience, who had similar ideas to ours about what's important about childrearing (a relatively structured day with lots of activity, lots of fun, good healthy food), who really clicked with our son. It's a good idea to talk about the sorts of activities they would organise, their approach to discipline (becomes important in the 2nd year), what food they would prepare/serve, what they like and dislike about looking after children.

Leaving your child for the first time with the great nanny that you find is absolutely terrifying, be prepared for feeling really freaked out! We did it in stages, so the first time was only for an hour, and the first 3 days I was at home so we could get to know each other.

[standswithfist]

thankyou so much that has really helped me!

[redjam]

Following up references scrupulously is very good advice - I always find it so awkward to initiate and put it off, but it really is the quickest way to flush out any potential problems - you can tell so much from people's tone of voice if you ask them lots of direct questions. But other than that, as Moos said, just go with your instincts - you need to have someone who you feel shares your values and will fit into your household (strict/relaxed, noisy/quiet, sociable/self-contained or whatever) and someone that you feel comfortable to 'take charge' of. This latter point can be quite tricky as with a first child it's tempting to go with someone who seems to know it all, but the downside of that is that they might end up leading the choices about how you want to bring up your kid, which might not be a good policy in the long-term. Equally you don't want some timid little mouse who doesn't take any initiative of their own!

Either way, don't fret - you will always be your child's parent and the most important person in his/her life - nannies/childminders will come and go but you are the constant. Whoever you choose will form an attachment with your child and provide an alternative perspective on the world, and although it's painful leaving your child at first it's all part of the process of gently teaching them independence and socialisation, so I truly believe it's not something you should feel guilty about. Good luck finding someone wonderful...

[Mellors]

The main questions I have always asked when checking references are:

a) why did they leave

b) would you employ them again

c) if you did emply them again what would you change.

Seems to flush out most things.

I always ask my nanny what they would change about the parents they have worked for, and what has been the most difficult thing they have had to manage. Whilst they might not be perfect, neither are we, and I think its important to find what irritations they have at the beginning as well.

I always try to keep lines of communication well and truly open as well, so little things can be dealt with head on, rather than festering.

[Mellors]

Oh - and holidays. I have no cover when my nanny is off for her main hols, so for me the best thing has been to all get together in January and decide on the main holidays between us up front - e.g. a week in April, 2 weeks June, a week in September etc. That way nobody feels they are being dicatated to, and everybody (including my work) knows where they stand.

Money - I always have a "kitty" (purse with money in which I top up from time to time) to cover drinks, coffees, soft play fees, buying a pint of milk etc etc so she doesnt have to ask me for money.

As to how to choose one - I have always gone with gut instinct - in my case it has tended to always be the first one or two I have seen, then I panic and think I am being hasty, see some more, then decide they were the best after all (a bit like shoe shopping lol).

[standswithfist]

Mellors thank you so much for all your advice. I am finding you are tending to be right and I think I will follow my gut instinct.

thanks again!

[mimmi24]

Hi Standswithfist

I read your advertising...currently I'm au-pair yet...Excuse me for the misspellings...I'm looking after children a lot here and at home...I understand the parents...needs the CRB ect...but this means nothing...the references is important but I think...I've met with lot of au-pairs and Nannys here...since I do this...and I have to say there are lots of girls unfortunately I would never entrust my child if would be...paper is presented...that properly...but this tricky...because you do not know she is a good au-pair or nanny...she is really like the children...for example...I've learned in teacher college at home and the most of my group companions didn't love the children...what shocked me...but the situation same here...but there are very reliable girls...the children very clever...I think if you find a girl look how approaches the child...your child interests her when you give a interview or she wants to say her text...I think this is very important...for example I like looking after children very much...and I make it gladly and this shows...I hope you will find a great Nanny...you have to see what kind of personality her and not that how many languages speaking...

[lorraineliyanage]

It's also worth making sure that the references are from the most recent employers, otherwise it could be flagging up a potential problem if the references are from a family a few years ago (unless there is a reason to explain the absence in nannying for a set period of time).

[fionab]

I had two nanny experiences one good and one bad- the good one was a wonderful woman who I wasn't keen on because her English was so bad. I opted for a local woman who was a nightmare and saw some really depressing childminders/nurseries. So I hopefully can offer a rounded view!

1. Invite a few to spend a few hours with you and your child - pay them for their trouble. Look out for cuddles and responsiveness, that she talks to your baby as much as to you. Watch out for strongly held old wives tales/ opinions. I strongly recommend you interview lots of nannies - you will get better at picking up on things. Ask open questions about discipline etc (to get a sense of whether they are too harsh or not)

2. I wanted someone to take my daughter out and have a good routine, cook fesh, decent food etc - if this is important to you then get their agreement upfront and regularly monitor it. The first nanny was serving up pot noodle!

3. Lay out employment rules - holiday, sickness etc - I didn't go through the books but made fair rules around sickness etc (if they are young enough to get pregnant and you are going through the books you may end up paying maternity leave - this happens, sounds mean but not something I could have afforded)

4. Don't be afraid to change the rules if something isn't working....I waited far too long to fire the first nanny

5. ALWAYS listen to your gut instinct. Love and cuddles more important than any amount of certificates.

[HR]

hello there

just been reading your post. by the time i return to work next august, my baby will be a year old and if she is unable to get into a nursery, i would like to place her with a childminder. is it possible you could let me know how you found your childminder? thank you.