shouting

[emc]

I'm sitting here at work feeling terribly guilty as my three year old, still an appalling sleeper, was up and down last night and I was so exhausted that after half an hour back and forth, I was really shouting at her. Of course I know this doesn't actually get either of us anywhere - I get more wound up, she gets more hysterical so it takes longer to settle her.

I'm not asking for advice (I know what I have to do to improve her sleep pattern) just reassurance that other parents lose their tempers too - I should add that I'm a single parent so I've got no-one to let it out to in the middle of the night but fully realise that I shouldn't be taking it out of my three year old.

Just feel like crying (prob because I'm exhausted too) when I think of her shocked little face as I shouted at her (don;t get me wrong she can be a handful but I know I'm in the wrong)

[GSJ57]

Understand completely how you feel - my first born was a terrible sleeper, and yes I resorted to shouting many times (WHY can't you go back to sleep !!!!) I knew it wouldn't help but sometimes the tiredness takes over! Try not to feel bad - it will get better!

[Helenlouise29]

Don't beat yourself up. Really you mustn't. No one is perfect and we all lose our tempers or come to the end of our patience. I admit that I have before got cross and raised my voice at my little one when she was going through a bad sleep phase ( every hour) and I have a partner to share the load with. Unlike you I was able to walk away and hand her over. I like you felt dreadful. When you are tired and you are up and down with them you can't but help feel grumpy. You are normal and you are a wonderful mother and if you weren't you wouldn't be sat there feeling bad. It happens so be reassured in the knowledge that once in a while we are all will or have done this. Your little girl will have forgotten this and you must too.

She is lucky to have a mummy who loves her like you. If you didn't last night would be nothing out of the ordinary and you wouldn't be giving it a second thought. You are doing an amazing job now give yourself a break. :)

[fearnpw1]

Of course! Anyone who says they have never shouted at their little one is telling fibs!

[The Nappy Lady]

Oh EMC, don't be too hard on yourself, I think we have all been there.

Sooner or later your children have to realise what your limits are, and they will keep pushing until they find them. I only have to give my 5 year old a certain look now and she knows it is time to start behaving.

Being a Mum, especially a single Mum is so hard, it would be impossible not to lose your temper now and again. Being shouted at now and again isn't going to do your little one any harm, I bet she gets far more love and cuddles overall.

Hugs, Molly

x

[Gubodge]

When I saw the thread header my immediate reaction was guilt that it was one of my neighbours posting about the awful woman they hear bellowing at her children.

So don't worry, you're certainly not the only one. And I don't even have the 3am exhastion as an excuse anymore.

[candj]

I try to limit my shouting to the witching hour (ie, 6-7pm) when the children are running around like wild animals and I'm trying to clear up loads of fiddly plastic Ikea plates, bowls and every single fork and spoon in the house, while simultaneously running their bath and searching desperately for the matching pink 'teddy bear' pyjamas and keeping baby sister from smacking older sister in the head with the Gruffalo book, when my only real concern is that I haven't been able to locate my bottle opener.

Don't beat yourself up! ;-)

[plimsoul]

you are not human if you haven't felt this guilt. i used to shout at them when they couldn't even understand as i was just sooooo tired. now, when one has managed to keep the tantrum going for over 1 hour i sometimes snap. it's part of parenthood.

as my mum put it to me once: parents are there to teach children that no one is perfect!

[emc]

Thanks everyone - don't feel as half as awful as I did this morning now! Just need to get the strength to crack this...she is such a lovely, happy girl and we do have a great relationship but on days when I'm tired I just feel so broken! Need to get firm, for her own good as well as mine.....

[sillywoman]

There's a quote somewhere about guilt being the currency of motherhood - it's so true. Oh God, I cringe to think of how I shout. My poor kids, & yes we all know it does no good to them or us but just sometimes they push those buttons . . .GGrrrrrr!

Anyway emc you really aren't alone at all. Also I know couple of (lovely) women who make it part of their parenting ethos to never, ever shout. Their kids are horrible brats. They'll probably grow up to be lovely, well balanced adults and mine will be delinquents - but right now, they're brats. Of course I know this proves nothing, before I get shot down in flames, but just thought it worthy of comment in the spirit of support to us poor beleaguered, unintentional shouters.

[womanofdulwich]

Sometimes we have to give ourselves a break. being a single parent means you never get a break or chance to unburden. we have all been shouted at by our parents- and we are all normal aren't we ?;-) Please break out to the forum whenever you feel like it. group hugs.

[mrs.lotte]

I'm a really shouty mum - for a lot less than keeping me awake all night. Hate myself for it but I am by nature someone with quite a short fuse. Children have made me a million times more patient than before but we are none of us a saint (tho you sound pretty close to it to me!) and 3yo is, imo, old enough to be disciplined and to be staying in their own bed - I would be cross long before exhaustion set in and 10 times more so if I had to do it alone.

The thing is that when I shout at my 4 year old he shouts back which is horrible. So if I do lose it I generally say sorry for the shouting but maintain the telling off. Maybe that sounds indulgent but it works for me.

Hey they are all going to be in therapy in 20 years either saying - my mum shouted at me or i wish my mum had set me some boundaries - you cant win, don't beat yourself up about it.

[sillywoman]

Completely agree with everything Mrs lotte says - in fact Mrs Lotte, you could be me! ;-)

[emc]

Hello all

Feeling a bit calmer now have got her to bed and enjoyed a glass of wine but it does worry me a little that she has started to adopt some of my 'shouty' facial expressions,phrases and is generally quite a feisty little thing (but as my friends point out, so am I!)

I'm not a touchy feely mum by any stretch of the imagination but I don't want her growing up thinking that shouting is normal(mind you, there would have been a lot more shouting had my ex husband stayed so I can comfort myself with this fact!)

Am going to be a bit firmer tonight, but without shouting and completely losing my rag as I did last night - am paranoid my neighbour gave me a 'look' this morning, am sure they heard it all.....

[mrs.lotte]

If your neighbour has kids it was probably a "poor you" look, if they don"t then haha; one day they will and they'll remember that look with shame and regret.

Keep up the good work emc, my admiration for single mums is boundless; you sound like a lovely mum

[plimsoul]

lordy lord who was it who said it's your parents that f**k you up. i don't know why i have woody allen in mind but probably not.

my neighbours and i laugh when we see each other and it was a bad morning/day/bedtime in either house hold. i repeat there is no such thing as the perfect child, parent or adult. we waste too much time feeling guilty when we know full well that they have the best years ahead of them (unless we're all drowning under the polar ice caps meltdown) at college, meeting their future lovers, learning all about the big wide world...

enjoy that glass of wine and think to yourself that you're bringing up a lady who won't let anyone push her around!

[Belle]

Plimsoul - it was Philip Larkin.

[sightpress]

It usually happens i have seen my cousins do that. I yell at them when they do that to their little ones.

[plimsoul]

that's it, thanks!

[legalbeagle]

If you're feeling like a bad parent, I wouldn't recommend reading the whole of that particular poem by Mr Larkin. Not exactly uplifting! (And yes, I also shout at my kids, last time about two minutes ago, GETOFFYOURBROTHERSHEAD!)