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TOP TEN most common complaints in East Dulwich today (2009 vintage)


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2008's positions in parenthesis


1 (8) Some people over the road had a party last weekend and refused to turn off the music at midnight

2. (NE) Someone has picked some flowers from the park

3. (1) The distant sound of a small child's laughter has prevented me from enjoying my pint of mild

4. (2) A dog/fox has done a poo/frightened my precocious child

5. (17) This organic meat is suspiciously cheap

6. (25) I left my car unlocked and someone stole my i-pod/mobile/organic butternut squash from the passenger seat

7. (13) The pavement on a nearby street has been repaved, whilst my pavement remains a death-trap. Literally.

8. (NE) The sushi served up in a local bar does not live up to the standards I became used to during my time in Tokyo

9. (5) Some builders made some noise

10 (8) A waitress with a funny accent made me wait while she had fun with her colleagues.


As you can see, life in East Dulwich has not got any easier over the past 12 months. I, for one, am at the end of my tether trying to negotiate the slings and arrows of life that Lordship Lane and its surrounding areas continue to throw at us.

You're forgetting the fact that all pram pushers will soon be taking over the bike lanes in the roads as they are clearly more important than any other pavement / road users! It's all the cheap organic meat you know.

My top 10 indignant generalisations of east Dulwich.


1. Not enough tree's and greenery.

2. Too many men wearing sandals out of season.

3. The pubs have been ponced. Only the CPT is holding out with Jah Lush performing an exemplary rear guard.

4. Hope and Greenwood is too dear (for me anyway).

5. Never On A Sunday should never have closed.

6. Too many w_nkers talking w_nk loudly into their mobiles.

7. Target Arms will probably have to go Gastro.

8. Franklins attracts the middle class moths to the bulb.

9. William Rose, no matter how good the meat is, would be nothing without the spending power of east Dulwich. They'd be f_cked in Forest Hill. Or robbed.

10. Most of the visitors at Northcross rd market never buy anything.

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