Hynpobirthing and other questions

[EmmaG]

Oh dear, just read poor HeidiHi's account of birth and it's exactly what I am nervous about.

My first baby is due in early January and I'm busy reading Marie Mongan's Hypnobirthing book. My main aim is to have a healthy baby with no distress to him/her or myself. It seems to me that there are a couple of ways to achieve this: drugs/epidural or a hypnobirth/waterbirth. I don't care which - I just don't want an experience like poor HeidiHi.

I'm lucky enough to have midwives from the Oakwood practice, who are happy to accompany us into King's for the birth. My friend Sharon has lent me her birthpool-in-a-box and I'm ready to start preparing for all this stuff.

Who would you recommend for Hypnobirth training? Have done some research on the forum and come up with Christine Neillands and Verona Hall, who are both accredited Marie Mongan Hypnobirth therapists, and Katharine Graves who trained with Mongan but is no longer accredited. I've read reviews of the latter and the majority are really glowing but with one or two disgruntled attendees.

I really don't want to suffer! I'm a pathetic wimp (and quite old - 42). I dread being induced and I dread being cut. My mother and sister both have fairly positive accounts of childbirth but many aquaintances have volunteered horror stories.

I'd REALLY appreciate some positive stories about hypnobirthing!!

Many thanks

Emma

[fmay]

I had a great birth and I used Kristin Hayward, based in Herne Hill, for a couple of private hypnobirthing lessons, to learn breathing techniques etc....but I can't honestly say I found myself using the hypnobirthing stuff much once I was in full blown labour!

It's good to help remove any fear of birth prior to the event, but labour is such an incredibly intense I(and yes, unfortunately incredibly painful) experience that I personally was just trying to breathe and cope with it in my own way at the time...that's to say I wasn't able to do the specific breathing techniques or gentle visualisations of rainbows and the like, that I had learnt for hypnobirthing!

I was terrified of having an ordeal beforehand then was very pleasantly surprised to manage a short drug free home water birth, but I do think I was very lucky to achieve this.

You can do lots to prepare...yoga, hypno, accupuncture etc...but at the end of the day I think it is important to remain open minded about what sort of experience you could have and try to make the best of whatever situation you find yourself in at the time. You can only prepare the best you can to try to stay calm and positive and remember that giving birth is often a fairly straightforward and natural event...we only ever hear the horror stories! No matter what type of birth you 'decide' to have, you cannot control what eventually happens.

I was very open minded- said I'd like to have a home waterbirth but was also open to the fact that I may need to attend hospital and make the best of any interventions needed. Friends of mine were adamant that they were absolutely not having any drugs and were not going near any medics.....I had a 4 hour drug free home waterbirth and they had 2 day labours (a couple of them also induced after being overdue) which resulted in c-sections and every drug going!!! They wish they hadn't been so closed-minded.

You might worry you're a 'wimp' Emma, but you'll be amazed at how women cope once in labour. It is what we were put on the earth to do and the best bit is that once you have your gorgeous child in your arms staring up at you, every little minute of pain is totally worth it and I think most would agree, almost instantly forgotten. During labour I told my partner I couldn't do this again and I was sorry but we could only have one child. About 3 weeks later I was discussing how long to leave before trying for another one. :))

Oakwood are fantastic by the way. You'll be in very good hands with those midwives looking after you.

PM me if you want Krisin Hayward's number. She works from home in Herne Hill, at Zita West's clinic in central London and from a clinic in Harley Street. I also used hypnobirthing CDs to help remove my fear of childbirth beforehand, they helped me relax and begin to believe I could do it!?!

[Fuschia]

Christine Neillands, by P Rye pk, who uses the Marie Mongam method and also can make you a personalised mp3

[Fuschia]

Had a 3 3/4 drug free labour with son no 1, and 6h pretty easy with the twins (gas and air just for twin II)

[EmmaG]

Thank you v much. All encouraging :-)

[katyc]

I can also vouch Christine Neillands, who I used second time round. I went from a 19 hour first labour to a 4 hour second one at home (thanks also to the Brierleys) in a pool. No comparison!

[Citrovie]

I had a rather lousy experience with a lady at the Vale practice, can't remember her name now but can look it up and PM it to you if you're interested. My husband did a quit smoking session with her and also thought it was useless. Just did one session but she didn't seem very motivated, or just not very knowledgeable of hypnobirthing (or quitting smoking).

I did have a great birth experience - also with Oakwood midwives. Will tell a bit more about it in case you think it may help you feel less freaked out to read some "happy stories". I was supposed to go to King's but ended up staying at home as things went way too quickly. It was intense (of course) and painful (of course, but only for an hour or two) but nothing too overwhelming to handle (if you're lucky and your labour is quick you don't get too exhausted so it's easier to deal with the pain). I didn't use hypnobirthing (had read the book and done that one session but decided I wasn't going to use it a few weeks before the birth) but I did feel very confident it would all work out and felt very prepared thanks to the NCT lessons, pregnancy yoga with Janet Evans (who talks about labour during all of her -very light- classes) and other sources that made me feel informed and confident. I'm NOT saying that with knowledge and confidence every birth will be a breeze! But it did help me have an easier time during my already easy labour.

[Mellors]

Whilst it helped me relax before the births I honestly think that you body will do what it likes anyway. I did hypnobirthing with both of mine and had:

1st birth - 3 day nightmare labour, induction, drugs, ending in emergency c-section

2nd birth - natural, in water, 6 hours start to finish drug free

which goes to show that I dont think you cvan really influence what will happen much, although being relaxed and with good midwives has to help.

[hanstands]

Hello! I didn;t do hypnobirthing but may I suggest one book that really really helped my labout go well - 'Guide to Childbirth' by Ina May Gaskin. It as bit hippy in parts but I don't know what I would have done without it [i read alot of books but this was the one!]It is an immensely empowering and positive book - It took away nearly all my fear, when the first labour pains came I felt so excited and positive about it. The Oakwood midwives will be your second excellent asset to your labour - I had the Albany midwives and again don't know what I'd have done without their constant coaching throughout the latter stages and their genuine care and love. I had a drug-free, gas/air free, home water-birth in 5 and half hours with no tearing. I put it down not to wimpy me [i am scared of injections and sometimes faint at the sight of blood!] but doing lots of homework, going to lots of the Albany antenatal classes [free and open to all expectant parents, Thursday evenings and Tuesday daytimes at peckham Pulse], my midwives and Ina May book.

[Maki]

I didn't do a course in hypnobirthing, and actually didn't think there was much point as i didn't believe that breathing/thinking in a certain way would help with such intense pains BUT when I got to the point in my labour where the tens machine just wasn't doing it for me anymore and we were stuck in commuter traffic trying to get to the hospital I thought to myself that I had to do something incredible or I may die from the pian (sounds dramatic, but that's what I was feeling). So, I really tried hard to envisage myself on a specific beach that my husband and I had sunbathed on in our honeymoon with the water lapping up against my legs and do you know it really really helped me relax and feel more able to deal with the contractions when they came.

The second thing that really helped me was when the contractions started to think of them as if you are climbing a mountain. Soon you will get to the summit and then shortly after you climb down again. It also was incredibly effective for me (along with the water birth and the gas and air), as it helps make the intense pain seem more temporary than before (or it at least gives you hope that it will soon go away!)

Thirdly if you can get a referal somehow to a hospital with a birthing centre or have a home birth I would really reccomend looking into it at least. I was lucky enough to have my baby 8 months ago at Queen Charlottes birthing centre which was amazing. My husband stayed overnight with us after our daughters birth and it was like being at home. I think St Thomas' have a birthing centre.

[hpsaucey]

HI - I used the Natal Hypnotherapy CDs - Blo**y brilliant! Wanted to avoid a repetition of a fairly traumatic first birth. With the second the pain was obviously labour - i.e. painful - BUT it was manageable pain and I felt, because of the Hypnotherapy and pregnancy yoga (with Ingrid from Birthlight) totally calm and totally in control. Can actually say enjoyed my birth.

Basically I reckon anything you think might help you to relax at all during labour is worth a go.

Good luck!

Helen

[EmmaG]

Thanks so much for all this information and encouragement. I'm always very pleased to read positive - if rare - accounts of good births as I'm dreading the process.

[sillywoman]

Hi Emma,

you may find that 'positive' birth stories are harder to come by than the more, um . .dramatic ones. This is because women who have straightforward & uncomplicated labours can feel that they have no story to tell. 'I had contractions, It was quite hard work, then the baby was born.' Isn't going to win any prizes for edge of the seat narrative. So labour tales can become self selective - only the ones that contain some element of shock get repeated onward. It doesn't mean that there aren't as many woman out there having positive experiences of labour, as there are having nightmare labours. In fact there's probably more - you just don't get to hear about them.

[Fuschia]

I loved my births, inc the twin one. I'd do it again in a flash. It was painful, but just totally amazing. The intense emotions and sensations are just incomparable.

[Moos]

Fuschia, I think you're a lucky woman, I salute you.

Sillywoman, who is less and less well named with every post she writes, makes a really good point. But I'd take it even further and say that it's to a degree about perception. My (single) birth experience wasn't a textbook one, and was quite long and complicated but for me feeling well-looked-after and taking each decision one at a time meant that I was OK about it. So I'd say that even if you had a non-ideal experience it is possible to see it in a positive light rather than picking out the most negative parts or blowing it out of proportion with the general experience, which sometimes stories of births do. Even when labour is hard, it's very exciting to think that you're about to meet your son or daughter!

[AdaDoom]

hanstands Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> may I suggest one book that really really helped my labout go

> well - 'Guide to Childbirth' by Ina May Gaskin. It

> as bit hippy in parts but I don't know what I

> would have done without it It is an immensely

> empowering and positive book - It took away nearly

> all my fear, when the first labour pains came I

> felt so excited and positive about it.

I have to second this. Ina May Gaskin really opened my eyes to how natural childbirth is and is so empowering. Ignore the bits that are to hippy for you and read the second part of the book particularly. I also did Hypnobirthing at Sitaram who have moved but I think still do their classes at St Thomas'. It was great and these 2 things really helped my second birth be a much more positive experience than my first. Along with the wonderful Brierly midwives, and Im sure Oakwood are just as good.

[hpsaucey]

Can I second Moos and Sillywoman. I do think its important, whilst knowing the type of birth you'd ideally like, to be prepared go with the flow. There will be good, bad and in between experiences of birth and EVERYONE"S will be unique. At the end of it there should be a beautiful baby and, however you get there, that is a wonderful, life-altering thing!

[Cupcake]

I had a lovely birth (with the Oakwood midwives). I did lots of yoga, listened to a hypo birth CD (fell asleep regularly) and focused on my breathing. My husband and I did the yoga course at kings so he was really good too. Oh and I was very active throughout. And I was old.

Giving birth was the best thing I've done.

Good luck and I hope it works out well.

[EmmaG]

Hanstands - thank you for such an encouraging post. I've just looked at Ina May on Amazon so that's another one to go for. Your childbirth sounds amazing!

Many thanks.

[EmmaG]

Maki - I frequently feel like I'm going to die from pain in commuter traffic, but I think it might be something different to what you were experiencing!! Tee hee. What you describe with the water on your feet etc is exactly what my Mum said. She said she just ended up "seeing" the contractions like waves breaking and then receding from the shore and found it all very do-able. Ditto my sister actually. She had a whopping first baby in 7 hrs with no stitches and nothing but a tens machine.

[EmmaG]

Thank you Cupcake. That's what I want!!

Met Linda Pullinger from Oakwood last week and she was lovely. Have met Morag twice but not the other midwife but I'm only 25 weeks so plenty of time.

[The Nappy Lady]

Hi Emma,

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I have no experience of hypnobirthing, but went into the whole process feeling very positive - my Mum has 6 children, the first at 18 and the last (me) when she was 40 - all without any pain relief and some at home (not allowed with me due to her great age, which at that time was considered ancient to have a baby - back in 1969!!). She always told me labour was 'pain with a purpose' and that she actually enjoyed giving birth.

I appreciate that all of this could have meant nothing, and that luck plays a part too, but in the event I had two wonderful, perfect home births.

The first in 2004 at the foot of our bed on my hands an knees, after 5 hours 20 minutes of established labour, with only a TENS Machine, daughter arrived as the sun rose just after 6am on the 4th July...with a midwife named Dawn! By 8pm new baby and I were tucked up in bed eating tea and toast (best toast I've ever had).

The second in October 2008 after 1 hour 30 mins of established labour in a birth pool in our dining room, log burning stove lit and candles burning, at about 7.30pm (with the wonderful Brierley Midwives in attendance). By 10.30pm there were 6 of us in the sitting room, new baby skin on skin, and all drinking champagne to celebrate.

Both times I was on a huge natural high after the birth, which lasted about 2 hours afterwards, when I finally stopped buzzing, looked at my new babies and shed a few tears of joy. Truly, truly amazing - my own personal Mount Everests I suppose. Certainly the best, most empowering thing I've ever done, and the best experience of my life. I would do it again tomorrow if I could, but I think for us two is enough, sadly.

My first week with both my newborns were completely rose tinted, fuzzy hazes of happiness, before the hard work of motherhood kicked in of course. For me there is nothing like the newborn baby cuddles.

I know not all women have this experience, and what Heidi went through was the other end of the scale. I would wish my experiences for every woman, and am so sad it doesn't always work out that way. But, don't assume your birth experience will be awful, it can truly be wonderful and empowering. I truly believe if you go into it feeling calm, secure and positive (and hopefully without being induced) your body will usually know what to do, release the right endorphines etc. to get your through it, but I appreciate it is a scary process, expecially first time when you just don't know 'where you are' at any given moment. For me, first time around, the minute I was told I was 8cm (only internal I ever had in labour) I knew I could do it as was nearly there, and that gave me the relief and courage to go on.

Hope this helps, PM me if you ever want to.

Good luck!

Molly

x

[crystal7]

Please don't worry EmmaG! I became very anxious about birth during my pregnancy- heard so many awful experiences. I was with the Oakwood midwives too and they were absolutely fabulous. So reasurring and made me realise what a natural process birth should be. I had prepared myself for days of on-off contractions and induction but my daughter was actually born after 3.5 hours of labour, we didn't even make it to Kings. A midwife I'd never met before ended up delivering her but it didn't matter at all and I saw lots of familiar faces post-natally. I think people with positive birth stories are reluctant to share in case they seem insensitive towards people who had a more difficult time, which is silly really...

[Sqiggles]

I thikn you can find lots of positive birth stories around if you look for them. Try googling homebirth, and you will find some. Also the Birth centre in Tooting has a website with birth stories on.

I had two positive expeitecnes - both home births. First one long (but first ones often are) and tiring, but all arived safely. Second one much faster (2 and a half hours) in a pool. In my experience, it helps to have the right mindset. It might take a long time, so don't worry about how long you have been in labour, or how many cm you are. Enjoy the rests between contractions, go into your own little world and let everyone else do all the worrying. Whatever usually suits you to help you relax (music, massage etc) might help, but if it doesn't you are in charge so say so - when you are in labour is the one time where what you say goes - you in effect get to hold the TV remote!

[EmmaG]

Bookmarking this page - such wonderful accounts of good births. Thank you for taking the time to share these lovely stories and tips. I don't think I'll get to the point where I actually look forward to birth, but I am definitely looking forward to meeting the baby.

Thank God the forum's back up. I didn't know I was so reliant on it.