Weaning

[nymom]

My son is 13 months old and is still breastfeeding. He absolutely loves it and I enjoy it as well. However looking down the road my husband and I want to try to think about having another child and I want to give my body a few months of a rest. I was wondering if anyone had any advice about weaning him. I will say that he has always been fed on demand, AND that we co-sleep and he can only fall asleep on the breast. I posted months ago that he is a frequent night waker (every 1-2 hours every night) and this is still the case. Then he latches on and drifts off to sleep again.This is what led to the co-sleeping in the first place. I have to admit that I enjoy the co-sleeping alot but my husband has to sleep in a different room and we would eventually like to be back together. We have tried my son in his cot but the crying is unbearable even with me sitting right there stroking his head and talking to him so we are happy to keep him on an air mattress on his floor until he can go into a toddler bed. (HE and I are on that mattress now) So I guess my questions are 1. how do I slowly wean him during the day? and 2. what do I do at night? Just to reinforce that he loves the boob so much and will just take it out of my shirt if allowed. So I want a really gentle approach. He does drink juice and water from a cup but cant really suck properly on the end part as he thinks its like a boob so I got him ones with a soft spout. But the liquid does go everywhere! Any advice?

[Fuschia]

You might find that just night weaning is enough to bring back your periods... and if the worse comes to the worst, and he's still bf when you conceive, your milk will probably dry up or change taste and he may self wean at about 4/5m pg. That's nature's way... though some mums continue bf all the way through or start again after birth and tandem feed. Self weaning is of course the very gentle way... one step back from that is "don't offer, don't refuse" and the more proactive approach is to cut out feeding in certain circumstances (eg before naps) by changing the whole routine, easiest done if you're on holiday or the dad is around for a week or so, you can just institute a new routine for eg dad taking him out in the buggy at naptime, to break the association.

This is the best advice I've seen about night weaning. There's no way, i think, of stopping the lovely "wake and have a little bit of milk then drift off again holding on to mummy's boob" without the baby getting a bit cross, sadly.

But this article is a gentle and realistic approach:

http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

I'd add in things like adding a soothing CD, blanket etc to your bedtime routine for a few weeks so that you can keep those cues as support while you make bf less central.

[nymom]

Thanks for the advice. I am really torn about stopping as I enjoy bf more than I ever thought I would. I feel like we have such a bond and while I know we still will post bf I dont necessarily want to stop. On the other hand I would love if he slept more as I am always really tired from all the night waking. Six to 8 times a night is a lot on me after 13 months. And I did want to give my body a "rest" before trying for baby 2. Another point (although this is not influencing me in any way) is that so many people seem surprised I am still breastfeeding. Especially my family - I was bottle fed as an infant. My son is also 30 pounds and looks really big and perhaps that has something to do with it. Has anyone else encountered this?

[Jessie]

I fed my son till he was 2 (albeit he was down to 1 feed a day by then, before bed). British people were v disapproving, but we were in NZ at the time and wasn't as unusual over there. He wasn't a good sleeper either, but don't think it was the feeding. Once he'd dropped his daytime naps he really started sleeping through.

[aj693]

My son was breast fed til 13 months, and co-sleeps half the night with us.

I think my ability to wean him did hinge in part on the fact that he liked to drink water from a bottle (we had got him accustomed to that on a hot holiday when he was 7 months). The first part of the weaning started much earlier when I had replaced the first feed of the day on waking with a bottle of water because he would never eat any breakfast and I thought he was just too full from the milk. Other than that, he did really like to breast feed.

From 11 months he just kept increasing the night feeds until I just couldn't bear the lack of sleep anymore. I had lost a stone in weight, I was exhausted all the time and one day I burst into tears at Bumps & Babes. A lovely lady who was helping out (used to be a midwife) said that I should try just talking to him about it (obviously in really simple terms).

She said he was old enough to understand and that he may not like it but he would follow my lead. The next day I told him all day that I wouldn't be feeding him after I went to bed any more. I would still feed him at 10/11pm ( I was still worried he was waking because he was hungry) before I went to bed, but that was it. That night as I lay him in his cot, I explained again what would happen. I fed him at his first wake, but then when he woke crying again at 1am, I knelt by the side of his cot and explained again. He actually looked right at me quietly and listened. He really looked like he understood. He then protested, of course, but actually only cried for about 3 or 4 minutes while I held his hand. He seemed to know I was serious, and then laid himself down and went back to sleep. Then whereas he would normally have woken another 4 or 5 times, he only woke twice more, and only cried once when I said no. It was so weird.

To wean him during the day, it was slower. I gradually got him to understand that he could only breastfeed for naps (he had two at that age) and at bed time. Then I started getting my husband to take him out at the same time every morning in the pushchair (9ish) with a bottle of milk and he would fall asleep, and I would transfer him to his bed. That was nap number 1. Once that was established, after lunch I started taking him for a drive with a blanket, his monkey and a bottle of milk which would kick off nap number 2. After a few weeks of keeping to these strict times, we just put him straight in his bed for naps with the same cues, and he obliged.

The bed time feed was the last to go, and again, I just prepared him all day the day before for his last bed time feed, and then the next day he had a bottle. He cried a little but really not all that much. I so thought it would be horrendous, but it just wasn't. They really do understand at that age, and as long as you seem serious, they do seem to follow. It was all very gentle.

I should say, in case it matters to you, that while he drinks very well from a cup the rest of the day, at 2 1/2 he still has two bottles of milk a day, at nap and at bed. I am not hurrying him to stop. He brushes his teeth after the night time one, but he still often falls asleep drinking at nap time. This bottle will go easily when he stops napping, if not before, and that day doesn't feel very far off. And I will eventually broach the getting rid of the bed time one in the same way as I weaned him off all the others, if he doesn't do it himself.

Best of luck to you!!

x

[Fuschia]

aj693, what a lovely gentle story!

[hanstands]

Fuschia Wrote:

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> aj693, what a lovely gentle story!

I loved this story too - and I will keep a note of it and probably use some of your methods when/if I need to do the same things [my baby is 10 months]...so refreshing and inspiring. Thankyou for sharing aj693.

[nymom]

Thanks aj693. That is a really great story. I think I am going to try your nightime idea starting this Friday. Last night my son woke about 12-15 times (7 times between 8-12 alone). I am so exhausted from it and like you I have lost weight and weigh less than I did before I got pregnant. (without any exercise) I think if maybe I start on a Friday then on Sat and Sun I can catch up on sleep while my husband looks after him. Unfortunately during the week this isnt possible as he works from 630am-630pm on avg. I think if I try the night weaning from say 11pm-6am that I could keep the day feeds for awhile. Also like you my son has so much milk whn he first wakes up that he doesnt eat any breakfast. But perhaps if I am doing the night waening I will keep the early morning feed as I can imagine after 13 months of a milk buffet all night he will be starving. I am just so anxious trying to start something that may lead to less sleep but at this point how much less can i get!

[Fuschia]

Our 16m old twins wake several times each (I'm a bit fuzzy on the details, we cosleep so I don't wake up 100%)

It's quite daunting thinking about night weaning them, I don't like confrontation! But their days of constant night tiem snacking are numbered (it's not good for their teeth)

Think of us managing two! :-)