Number 2 and anxiety in 3yr old boy

[midivydale]

I was wondering if you wise ladies can help me. We only started potty train our 3 year old quite recently for a number of reasons. He is doing very well with his wee's, we have a few accidents still but are definately getting there but he really struggles with his number 2's. I feel so sorry for him, he dances around the house clearly desperate to go but he just refuses. He holds it in until he is blue in the face and as a result in now really constipated. We have been given some help from the GP with that but need some help with his anxiety and reluctance.

I have tried everything: rewards, not making a big deal of it, stories on the potty/toilet (as part of the problem is that he does not sit still for any length of time, so prefers to hold it in rather than spend 5 min on there, sitting next to him to reassure him, leaving him to it for privacy (he does say "mummy, I want to be on my own, go away and wait outside"), tried to put a nappy on him when he clearly needs to go to see if that reassures him (it doesn't, in fact he gets upset as he "is a big boy now and only wants big boy pants").

What do I do? Any words of wisdom? I think in the initial stages of potty training I was too uptight, kept asking him every 5 minutes if he needed to go and then stood hovering over the poor child, like som mad woman. This obviously gave him some massive performance anxiety. In the end I just said to him "the potty is over there, when you feel the wee wee coming you can use the potty" and that was that. I have not had to help him at all, he just takes himself.

But the number 2, I just don't know what to do, feel so sorry for him (and guility for clearly getting it wrong). He has had alot of changes recently, away on holiday,leaving nursery etc so the timing of things was probably not great.

Any advice would be gratefully received.

[kristymac1]

We had a similar problem with our little one, he ended up very constipated and in a lot of pain because he didn't want to sit for long on the loo - he'd happily sit on the toilet but if it didn't happen instantly like a wee, he'd say 'can't do it' and jump off :-(. After the severe constipation I would sit him on the potty at the coffee table and get toys out/read books/watch tv (its a chair like potty) so he'd feel more comfortable sitting for longer periods of time. Eventually it got better and now he happily sits on the loo until he's finished (and very proudly too!).

Please don't blame yourself either, potty training for my son was very different for my daughter and every book out there has a different 'guaranteed method' - non of which particularly worked for either of my kids. Good luck, sounds like you're doing everything right for him.

[monniemae]

I downloaded an app called "poo goes to pooland" recently in prep for potty training as I've seen it recommended. Made by an NE NHS trust, seems pretty cute and my daughter loves the story. Worth a try maybe?

[buggie]

Unsure if this would help:

http://www.eric.org.uk/assets/downloads/136/Children%20who%20will%20only%20poo%20into%20a%20nappy.doc

Worth looking on the Eric website (www.eric.org.uk) as +++ info & agree Poo goes to Pooland v good too.

Is very normal for kids to get one be dry before clean or vice versa know with daughter I worried I was going to be buying new knickers every week as they were getting thrown away at nursery so frequently, but it clicked - think a bit of help from stickers/chocolate & promise of new magazine/toy helped too!!

[Saffron]

My daughter has had a lot of difficulty with bowel movements even from the time she was a baby. Sadly we've never really had very proactive medical support for it.

When she was 4yo, we did a short course of senna under the guidance of a behavioural therapy course that I downloaded from University of Virginia Medical Ctr: "An Online Program for Pediatric Encopresis" http://www.ucanpooptoo.com/. If your LO is only 3yo, he's probably too young for this particular program, but you may want to look at their info pages and/or search for something similar for a younger child. xx

[KatsuQueen]

Hi, do you bring him into the loo with you when you do a poo? Just to show him that it is all natural and fine. I used to tell my boy when I was going to the loo, bring him in or leave the door ajar so he could watch. It did feel really weird at first. This went on everyday for weeks if not months by the way. The things we do for our children 😄

[canela]

there's a great book called Everybody Poos you could read to him.

[Sunlover00]

Also recommend the book everybody poos. It really helped my daughter realise it's normal. Also I tried putting an egg timer on that she had to sit on loo for and we would play games to pass the time whilst she was on the loo.

[midivydale]

Thank you everyone, really appreciate your help

[Otta]

My daughter (turned 4 a few days ago) was very quick to do wees on the toilet, but absolutely refused to do a poo. She'd beg us for a nappy and we'd oblige as we didn't want her getting backed up (had serious issues with her big sister and couldn't face that again).

Anyway, this went on and on, occasionally we'd convince her to sit on the loo but she just wouldn't do the deed.

And then a month or two ago she just did it, and has done it since with no accidents or anything.

It's not like she was still in nappies all the time, she'd go to preschool in knickers and be fine, then in the evening she'd tend to ask for a nappy and go off to do her business somewhere private.

So I'd say just let them take the lead, so long as they're all set in time for primary school I don't see the big deal.

[Clare_T]

Movicol is great if recurrent constipation is the issue.

[Sol]

I had that problem when my daughter was 3; I was really worried and bought prum juice, probioticos and anything that would help; we used bubbles in the bathroom to distract her; I decided not to worry as I would pass the stress to her; but if I noticed she needed to go I would take her and seat hear in the toilet and used to tell her poop needs to go out or your tummy will hurt and you can get sick. She eventually got it.

[Otta]

Clare_T Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Movicol is great if recurrent constipation is the

> issue.

Indeed, and doctors told us it's not remotely dangerous, so if they're really backed up you can give them up to 8 sachets for a couple of days to just clear it. Then 1 - 2 a day until they're all regular.

[midivydale]

We have been given movicol but he blatenly refuses to drink it, so we have moved on to Lactalose now. Fingers crossed. Last night he asked if I could put a nappy on him "as he needed it". I said of course, and he did, eventually go in the nappy. Lactalose might have already helped abit.

I did say to him that he can always ask for a nappy when he needs one and I showed him where they are. We said that he can put one on himself if he needs it etc (pullups). I am hoping this will help with his anxiety and then once he is more regular again we can start insisiting with the toilet/potty. As long as he goes and does not feel frightened or anxiuos about it I dont care if he wants to use a nappy. He has always had issues with his bowel movements on and off, since he was a baby, so I will def take a gentle approach and let him lead. I am looking into all your tips too, many thanks for all your help.

[Otta]

I used to give the movocol in syringes one at a time. Took a while but she got used to it.

[uzma]

Get him to tell you when he wants to go and put a nappy on him. then slowly start telling him its quite smelly and needs to go in the toilet to be flushed away!

My DD refused to be toilet trained. She went to the toilet in her own time to wee. ( this is 4 months ago!) , and she struggled with the poo, but she had to overcome one fear ( doing a wee in the toilet) then move onto poo's!

when she said she needed to do a poo I would put a nappy on her , and once she finished I would tell her while changing it smells and it should really go in the toilet to be flushed away.

her dad some how made a story about how the poo needs to join its family... so erm there we go.

Also, some children may find it a put down that their toilet smells- it depends on each child. My DD is paranoid about being clean so it worked for her.