Work after babies

[Belle]

Just curious given there are so many mums around, what have people done about work after having a baby? Have you gone back to your old job, and if so did you go part-time or full-time? Has anyone taken the opportunity to retrain or start a business? Just beginning to mull it all over myself, so am interested to here about other people's decisions.

[plimsoul]

my job is freelance and in the arts so never had the cash for the childcare to cover full time work again but now that the kids are easier to deal with (read by that older, 3 and a half) i am lucky and my husband can make up the days that the child minder doesn't have them. i'm part time and i don't feel that outside quite fixed hours i would have the time to start a business or go back to work on the types of projects that demand working hours that go on into the evening. without financial help from my parents my salary wouldn't cover the childcare costs either.

having just got a huge commission at the studio i shall probably be working 4 days a week which will be the most since the boys were born.

so either you can consider me lucky as i have spent a lot of the early years with my children or you can consider me unlucky due to the nature of freelance careers not really working with being a mum.

[mightyroar]

I know mums who have started local kid-class related businesses...art and music, or taken franchises of usborne books or similiar.

I have been recommended women like us for advice:

http://www.womenlikeus.org.uk/home.aspx

I am going to a free welcome session at their office in London Bridge. I will let you know how it goes! they are a registered charity so they get grants for some of their training.

[fuzzyboots]

Hi Belle,

I'm one of the mums who bought a franchise (Sing and Sign!) after the birth of my second baby. My oldest is much older than my younger two (19 (nearly 20!), 6 1/2 and 3 1/2.

There was no point in me going back to work after the birth of the second baby, because the nursery fees, plus travel and lunch, etc, would have meant I'd have been working full time (for a charity, so the hours can be quite strange), having to travel away overnight from time to time, rushing back to pick up my daughter from a nursery or having to use a nursery near the office (which is extremely impractical when your office is in Chiswick - commuting with babies is NO FUN at all). I'd have ended up with about ?200 a month to live off.

So, having fallen completely in love with my Sing and Sign classes in Sutton and wanting to rekindle my latent musical leanings (I'm a music graduate), I bought the franchise with a loan from my mother. I did it really because of my passion for babysigning after the experience of doing it with my daughter, but the timing was perfect for me and five years later I've gone from running two classes a week to taking on an excellent businss partner, running 31 classes a week and with a team of five girls working for us.

I should say, if you're thinking of making a living wage from this kind of business, it ain't really gonna happen! You absolutely have to do it because you are passionate about it/believe in what you're doing. And the behind the scenes admin is ENORMOUS! A fairy godmother who could wave a "Admin/Accounts" wand is just what we need!

HTH!

Trish/Fuzzyboots

[The Nappy Lady]

Hi Belle,

It is so hard isn't it. After DD1 I went back to work full time, in my old job as a secretary in the City, she was 9 months old and I worked 5 days per week 9am to 5pm and HATED it so much. Luckily she was with a lovely childminder, and in all honesty I don't feel it did her any harm at all, in fact it was lovely when she eventually started nursery and then school that I didn't have to go through quite so much upset with her clinging on, begging me not to leave etc. as she was so used to the concept of Mummy leaving her during the day (though we do have our moments, even now on the odd 'wobbly' day). Overall she is a confident, happy child and very outgoing.

Anyway, the plan was that I'd go back full time but get pregnant again ASAP, be off on full maternity pay (whoo hoo), have 2nd baby and then go part time....best laid plans and all that...as some on here know from previous posts having a 2nd baby actually was a lot harder, and took a lot longer than planned, and each time I lost a baby I also lost my 'escape route' from the job I no longer wanted to be doing, which really didn't help and added to the pressure.

So, during all this I was also doing my Nappy Lady stuff, fitting it into evenings and weekends, and when DD1 was about 2 years old hubby and I sat down and talked and agreed it was time to change things (I was worried that years were passing by, DD1 was growing up, and still I was working 5 days etc). The Nappy Lady had a vacancy for someone to do some part time homebased admin for them, and I cobbled that together with some other local ad hoc admin work, went self employed and managed to earn enough to manage whilst being out of the daily nightmare commute and under a lot less pressure.

Now DD2, who, like a little miracle finally came along is 8 months old so I too am facing the return to work very soon and it is really tricky to make it worth while. But again it is a juggling act. I'm returning to the local part time admin work, but will now be working around school hours to cut childcare costs, so only paying for the little one to be looked after, and only from about 9.30 'til 3, which feels a lot better. With that and my Nappy Lady stuff (which I do more for love than money!) I can just about contribute something to our income, though after tax and childcare it is hardly worth it....but long term of course when both are at school it will pick up again.

I LOVE being able to do the school run, and knowing that I'll be able to stay for assemblies etc. - that flexibility is worth so much and I think it is really important for the children, so will do pretty much whatever it takes to work around that if I possibly can. From that point of view I love being self employed. Doing tax returns was scary, but actually not that hard provided you keep records and don't have too complicated a business. Not getting sick pay and holiday pay isn't great, but overall I love working for myself and being my own boss, I find it much more rewarding.

Working part time - HA. Don't be fooled, everyone I know who is a Part-Time working Mum is simply cramming a normal amount of work into less time. It is hard, and stressfull and I think unless you do a job like, say stacking shelves in Tesco's that is pretty much the way it works. Hence I am often on line at midnight, or 5am, you just fit the work in around the children and at times that can be relentless. In many ways going into the City 5 days a week was easier, and it paid a hell of a lot more, but I was not fulfilled at all, and I hated, hated, hated being away from my daughter from 8am until 5.30pm five days per week. If I had to go back to that I think it would break my heart.

I always thought I wanted to be a full time Mum, but actually for me the ideal is probably a 60:40 mix. I want to be the 'main carer' for sure, but a bit of time away, to be reminded of what I can achieve without small people in tow is actually good for the soul I think. I also believe it is good for the children, though I still have to keep telling myself that when I think of leaving the little one. The other thing is I LOVE working locally and feel much more like part of the community.

It is amazing how many life changes can be brought on by having a baby, I never thought I'd be doing what I'm doing now, and sometimes I look back and wonder quite how it all evolved this way. I hope you find what 'feels right' for you when the time comes.

Good luck, Molly

[littleEDfamily]

I struggled despite a supportive employer. Just couldn't hack the relentless juggling and found I couldn't switch off after work and enjoy family as I wanted to. Always felt as though I was not doing work or home very well. Although, work agreed to whatever hours I wanted to do (and I tried a few combinations of part time hours),I just started to find the corporate world ridiculous and longed for a gentler pace. Decided in the end I'd rather be skint for a few years and then try again to be my old bad-ass career woman self. I've been stunned by how many of my female colleagues have reacted just as I have, and have decided to opt out for a couple of years.

Combining being a parent with a career is trickier than I ever imagined it would be, so I wish you all the luck in the world!

[littleEDfamily]

PS Totally identify with Molly's post....

[Sidney]

My personal experience with Women Like Us is very positive. I have done the Welcome, which consists of an introduction into the organisation and for you to decide if you are in the right place to continue with their various seminars. You may decide that you are not ready to return to work, need some additional qualification, or want to continue. It is at this point that you complete the very lengthy funding form appropriate to your location etc. My understanding is if you a woman residing in Southwark, have children & are not currently working then funding is available - WLU help to complete forms and funding is for 6 months.

I have previously had professional career coaching before children and WLU offer an equally professional service. Their workshops cover Career Coaching (2 parts), CV, Interview, Networking & Starting your own business. They also back up these seminars with 1:1 coaching, so you don't just go through the workshops and feel lost. The women who I have met varied in work experience from not having worked for 3 months (following redundancy), to 15 years being at home with kids, to becoming a Mum at University and not having any work experience. The range of professions was wide from PAs, teachers, Fund Managers. Retail, TV Producers & Investment Managers.

My advice would be to register with them (doesn't cost anything & nothing to lose), you will then receive emails etc to get a good feel of what the organisation is about. They were formed by 2 women who were temping and were asked where their employers could find more women like them, ie. Mum's who wanted to return to work having had children and WLU was formed. They have certainly given me plenty of food for thought! Good luck!

[fuzzyboots]

Yeah me too. Quite honestly, it was hell on earth working full time, out from 7.30 til 6.30, rushing to do dinner, bath, story, bed time every night. As EDFamily said, I felt like I was niether succeeding at work or at home and wherever I was, the other was on my mind at least some of the time. And I was EXHAUSTED, stressed, and terrified of losing my job, so my employer did very well out of me in terms of dedication. (Lovely employer, I have to say). This was with baby no. 1 and there weren't half the safeguards, legal protection, tax credits, etc that there are these days. It wasn't really worth me going to work then financially, either, BUT I needed to get my foot on the working ladder and needed at least some cash flow, even though I was going into debt every month.

Should have kicked out his lazy, good for nothing dad, and then I could have had qualified for a lot more State support.

TBH, whatever you do, you have to grit your teeth and get on with it. The most difficult thing is when you are obliged to go back to work, for whatever reason, and then you see all your SAHM friends not having to juggle everything so tightly and you can absolutely YEARN to go back to that. I think that 100% work or 100% mothering doesn't suit the majority of women, in their ideal world. I would go potty if I didn't have Sing and Sign but I chose it specifically because, as Molly pointed out, so that I could be there at both ends of the school run, for school trips, activities, and just simply being there during the school holidays and when they need me. The admin is never ending, but like Molly said, you end up fitting it in to late night or early morning sessions in order to devote the daylight hours (and longer...) to your children/proper work!

Trish

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[Fuschia]

I went back to my job despite a long commute, because I have an agreement around flexibility.. so I now work in the office 2 days p/w, and 2 days at home. This minimises the need for paid childcare for the babies (2, ouch!) and means we just about manage without any for son no 1. I can pick him up from school myself 3 days p/w, take him to Kung Fu and swimming etc, take the babies to swimming lessons, participate in the NCT and twins club, have the occasional coffee with someone from the EDF... and just about somehow manage to keep all the balls in the air!

[mumum]

I started working part time in the afternoons at home when my baby was 6 months (I did a little work earlier too). I went to 3 days a week when she was one, and then 4 days when she was about 15 months.

Only at 4 days a week do I earn enough to make a real financial difference after paying the nanny. But 4 days a weeks is basically doing a full time job in less hours and for less money and still getting dirty looks at work. Maybe deservedly, as I rarely stay much later than 4, but I still get my work done well and manage my own projects. It is a great pity, that working hours and companies often can?t be more family friendly. It is sad, that as a mother, you may feel marginalized or have to invent your own hermit job just because people can?t stomach that you leave at a certain hour.

I am cutting down to 3 days a week, and will probably go freelance to fit school hours later. There are moms that can cope with full time jobs and 10 kids, but everyone has their own limits and priorities. I am starting to listen to my moms advice which is: You can do anything you want, just maybe not all at the same time. (cringe!)

Good luck with your mulling!

[damzel]

I went back to work when my baby was 7 months - Mon-Thurs 8am to 3:30pm, in the city and it's worked out great for all of us. My partner does the morning shift, breakfast etc and takes her to the childminders, then I collect her about 4.30pm which gives me a couple of hours with her before bedtime.

She benefits greatly from being at the childminders as she's with the same 2 kids everyday which is almost like a little family for her and as it is unlikely that we will have any more, this is definitely an added bonus.

I was very worried about going back to work and really didn't want to go at first. I was desparately trying to think of ways I could earn money at home but nothing came up and I had to bite the bullet and go back to the city. Within a couple of weeks however, I realised that having a child hadn't changed me as a person and that I still really enjoyed my job and interaction with other adults. This arrangement benefits for all of us and I wouldn't have it any other way now.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do, Belle

[Superstarpen]

I've just had my voluntary redundancy accepted (tbh my post was deleted recently during the merger of two major charities so I would have been made redundant anyway). I've taken this chance to complete my studies towards a Montessori Teaching Diploma and in addition become a childminder.

I'm really looking forward to a change in career as I've been doing a job I hated since leaving university (oh god, that was 9 years ago!! ha ha). So, for me having my first child has been an almighty kick up the bum to actually qualify in a profession I want to work in.

p.s If anybody is thinking about becoming a childminder Southwark is one of the last boroughs that pays for pretty much all of the training.

[EDZ]

I am a professional who spent years in university and then at work getting a "good career". I recently had my first baby, enjoyed six months of well paid maternity leave, found a fabulous nanny and happily went back to work. I was able to say to my employer that I needed to leave at five to be home by 6 so I could do the bath routine. It was working well, except my career has now imploded due to the credit crunch. Recently been laid off. I don't want to just give up my career. I love my daughter, but when I watch my nanny with my daughter I realize I don't want to do that all day, every day. It's just not who I am. However, the chances of my finding a job where I can leave at 5 or go part-time are non-existent at the moment, so I am faced with finding childcare for the evening as well as I often will have to work late. There are lots of people who are unemployed in my line of work, so I can't afford to approach a new employer and ask for concessions. For now at least, the plan it to increase my work-load. I also want another baby, but this time won't qualify for the well-paid maternity leave. Instead will have to head back to work early. The other option is to leave the profession entirely. For so many reasons (self-esteem, years invested, showing my daughter she can have a career, not relying on my husband for income, mental stimulation) I want a career. Interestingly being unemployed has made me realise this more than ever. So for now I will try to make it work and see what happens.

[Mellors]

I work as a lawyer in the City and went back when my son was 11 months old 3 days a week on fixed hours (9am - 5.30pm) after baby 1. Thankfully I had a super nanny, which made things a lot easier as she did the morning and evening routine in our home, so less hassle for me, and less disturbing for him.

I had No 2 shortly afterwards and am now due to go back again when she is almost a year old, again with a nanny.

I was surprised that my work agreed to part time hours, as its very macho (I am one of the few women who is not support staff, and the only one ever to take maternity leave!) but it works well for all of us. I have a good guy who works for me on the two days I am off, and I check my Blackberry etc during the day for any urgent emails, but generally I dont work on the days I am at home.

I am pleased I went back, and in fact have just fought hard to keep my job in a redundancy process, which happily I did. I love being at home with the children, but my main concern was that having trained for years to get to where I am if I gave up completely then I would have nothing to go back to when they are at school in a few years time. 3 days is a perfect balance for me - they dont miss me too much (I am home for bedtime and stories), and I get time to be a grown up, plus the money comes in very handy.

It is possible, but only if you lay down very strict rules about what constitutes part time work with your employer. the key for me has to remain 100% committed and professional (in their eyes, even if I dont always feel it!) at all times.

[littleEDfamily]

The single biggest thing that would have made a difference for me being back at work is if employers and colleagues were GENUINELY more flexible with DADS being able to do more.

I know that not all fathers feel they want to do more (ie picking kids up from nursery, staying home with them when they're sick, keeping on top of vaccinations), but I am convinced it's at least partially because it's not yet socially or professionally acceptable for men to have a flexible work arrangement . The company I used to work for, out of a workforce of 2,000 had only 2 part time men in spite of them having exactly the same legal rights to work flexibly!!

As long as it's only (just) acceptable for women to combine working with having a young family, the load on the mother is just too great and it's always going to be us getting the dirty looks at work for waltzing out 'on time' which is extremely demoralising for even the most thick skinned of us.

If only we could get more men to buy into the reality of 'juggling', I'm sure the workplace would be much more efficient (less ridiculous meetings that go on for far too long and general time wasting posturing) and there would be far fewer stressed out mums!

Anyway, sorry, slightly off track there.......

[Belle]

Wow, it's really interesting hearing about what everyone has done with work. EDZ, I'm so sorry about your job - fingers crossed things work out one way or the other.

Completely agree littleEd family, it really annoys me that people assume the mums will do it all , even when they're back at work, and that flexibility for men doesn't seem a very common occurence. I'm lucky my husband can occasionally work from home which means I can nip out to the doctor's or whatever, and I should have said in my original post that my question applies to men and women really - I don't see that the question is restricted to what the mum does after the baby's arrived. in our case, both financially and in terms of enjoying the job, it's a no brainer that my husband will continue to work full time.

It is really sad that leaving on time can be perceivd as sloping off - especially when I'd bet that most working mums are more efficient simply because they have to juggle and fit the work into set times.

[Elfy]

I was a contractor when I became pregnant, hence had no job to come back to. I'm an accountant (for my sins) and it's nigh on impossible to find a part-time role...so I had the choice of staying at home full-time (and struggling financially) or finding another full-time job...so I'm back contracting full-time. I was lucky to find a job within half an hour drive from home - very fixed 9-5 and understanding boss. I can imagine not all contract roles are like this. I thought it would be a nightmare coming back to work. I would prefer to work part-time but it hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be. (I went back when the nipper was 10 months).

Also my husband works 4 days a week (which does seem the exception rather than the rule for men). I agree...until attitudes change and men (and women) can demand the flexibility that's needed..it makes it very hard.

[Fuschia]

I am lucky my partner can go in AFTER the school run and occasionally leave to pick up son no 1, plus my sister in law helps out occasionally, plus I do child swapsies with other mums from school. It's all a lot of juggling, though, esp having baby twins!!!

[Maki]

Oh Goodness, I am dreading this! Sent my boss an e-mail asking if i could possibly work 4 days within 3, and am anxiously awaiting a reply. I am an accountant and my days are never 9-5 anyway so working long days doesn't bother me but I cannot bear the thought of them refusing to let me work anything other than full time.

They have been fantastic in the past (I got pregnant after 3 months working there) and they have been nothing but supportive - but then I am fantastic at my job haha!!

I just wish more employers provided a creche - or that I still worked at the BBC, which was uber flexible!

[plimsoul]

i think if the government and bosses were serious about getting mums working again job shares would be far more common/there would be a tax incentive for job shares to be created and dad's would enjoy more flexibility. whoever says that once the kids are at school you can go back to work is mad, someone still has to pick them up at 3.30, deal with the long holidays and take time off for illness.

[duncandtessa]

Just thought I would add my experience and how it works in our house hold! I am the major wage earner and therefore had to go back to work in order to pay all the bills, so we had to find the best way round childcare/days worked and finance. I have a 9 month old baby and 2.5yr old and did go back inbetween children but it was only for a year. We have sorted it out like this......I work 3 days a week in the office 9-5pm and then 1 day at home, although this is split mainly across working in the evenings and my father coming to our house for 3/4 hours in a morning to look after the girls whilst I work upstairs. My husband works 4.5 days compressed into 4 days so looks after the girls for the day. The remainder 2 days we have a nanny, which is fantastic as not only do the children really get on with her, she also does my washing, cooks for them and loads dishwashers etc....so that I don't have quite so many jobs to do when I get home. Sounds a little complicated but seems to work okay. I turn my blackberry and phone off at the weekend and do completely switch off! Good luck in working out what you do...

[fuzzyboots]

Gosh, what a thought provoking thread, Belle! And it just goes to show how adaptable we all are and that there are as many solutions as there are families, one way or another.

Trish

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[gnulover]

Wow, we are a resourceful bunch! I must admit I think I have the perfect solution (except in the winter). I managed to change my role to a jobshare when I went back after my first child. So I now work 7am - 2pm as a secretary in the City. Managed to keep my salary as I still do a full 7 hour day and because I job share I never get caught at work late. The mornings can be a bit brutal when it is cold and dark (especially as I scooter into work) but I know that when the kids go to school I will be able to pick them up and find out all about their day (dropping them off is not as satisfying!). Unfortunately because of my hours we only had one choice of childcare which was a live in au pair. Not to everyone's taste but we have loved it - especially as they are around to babysit most nights so you also get a bit of your social life back when you are not falling asleep in your dinner. I am due to go back to work in 3 weeks after my second and we have just hired another au pair and I think it works really well for us. I also liked the 1-1 care they got and didn't put gnu1 into nursery until he was 2 and plan to do the same with gnu2. Have to admit am less enthusiastic about going back to work this time but am definitely not a full time stay at home mum but it's really nice to see them every day but share the pressures of that day. Makes the tantrums seem bearable when they are only for half the day!! Good luck with your decision and if you decide to do some baby franchise stuff I look forward to coming along! Jx

[mumum]

yes, thanks, this is a great thread! I am really inspired to find so many others in the same old pickle (not that I wish stressful juggling on anyone). It seems most moms find a way to work part time if they can, and a few, most often with flexible partners or family around manage the full time. I always thought I would go back fulltime, but now I doubt I will, can?t see how it will get easier when school starts or if a second child should pop up. It is really sad moms have to tiptoe around an employer to ask for flexible time, when most moms are probably very effective and organized, and will get the job done in fewer hours anyway. For me the worst problem has been the guilt, but I also think a child can benefit from the other people they have to bond with and a working mom role model. I have a lot more patience with my child if I am content, and part of that (sad but true) is working on something I love and achieving work things. Working is such a breeze compared to looking after kids and is kind of worth the juggling, what is difficult seems finding the right ratio and supportive environment!