Top tips for those having a baby

[sb]

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[Fuschia]

sb Wrote:

...I

> dread to think what might have happened later on

> when it came to pushing the baby out...!

I believe they have little fishing nets... :-)

[sb]

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[EmmaG]

I love, love, love this thread. Thank you so much. I'm expecting my first baby at the age of 41 and everything's a big mystery. A dear friend (mother to three kids of 2, 3 and 4) recommended the Baby Whisperer and said "don't wait to read it till after the baby's born" so am ploughing through.

I am horrified that you need your husband to make a flask of tea in the morning in case you won't have time in the day. What the hell have I left myself in for?

[quickbrownfox]

Oh EmmaG, words cannot express the ride you're in for.

But as my (male) boss rather mysteriously said to me when I went on maternity leave - 'it's worth it, it really is all worth it!' - you just won't think so when you're dog tired and have forgotten to brush your hair for a week!!! Then again, you may be one of those supermums (I've seen them on US TV programmes), and if so I want to hear from you once you're a few months into it to give me courage for Number 2!!

[EmmaG]

"Also (don't laugh!) if you;re expressing a lot, and esp if you have a double pump, try one of these:

[cgi.ebay.co.uk]"

OMG I've just killed myself laughing. This can't be true. OMG what the hell have I let myself in for? Jesus. Hahahaahahahahaha.

[Pickle]

To add a bit more (sorry, am procrastinating, should be packing for a holiday!)...

if you decide to go down the routine route (which I did with no. 1, not so much with no. 2) don't attempt it from day 1 like so many of the books suggest. The first few weeks will pass in a blur, the next few you're starting to learn a bit more about your baby, about you as a Mum etc. For me it was around week 7 or 8 when we'd got the hang of feeding and were getting used to our "new" life that I started thinking about how we could structure our days and nights. Any earlier than that and I know for sure I would have caused myself unnecessary stress.

In the run up to the birth, politely decline well-meaning friends offers for you to try changing their baby's nappy, bath their baby, feed their baby etc. in order to prepare yourself for the arrival of your baby. Maybe it was just me, but I seemed to be swamped by babies while pregnant. At the end of the day you don't need practice, by the end of the first week you'll be a nappy changing expert, so save yourself the work while you can!

[quickbrownfox]

Can't see the link - try again - I need a giggle.

[EmmaG]

Pickle - you're right - at our end-of-term do at school today, I ended up on the babies' table. I must do more to avoid babies for the next five months!

New things learned so far:

Having a baby is like doing a poo

Ask your mother what it was like for her

Get a packed lunch and breakfast each day as you won't have time to make your own

Midwives use fishing nets to fish poo out of the birthing pool

I might investigate the Epi-No

I will look like a tramp

I'd better get a bottle of water next to the loo

Bloody hell. I'll pass all this onto my husband so he's warned. But the best thing of all is that bra with the bottles attached to the front. God, I'm sniggering and giggling AGAIN about it. Teeee heeee

[EmmaG]

OK here are the funniest links from this thread:

Mellors'

"If you have had a C-section (or even if not), I really recommend these:

http://www.nctshop.co.uk/Stretch-Briefs-3-Pack/productinfo/2015/

Ok, they look really rank (and lets face it they are) but they are so comfy cause they sit really high up and are super stretchy, and you can gve them a quick rinse through and stick them back on cause they dry straight away. I went down the cheap pack of cotton knickers 1st time, but these were loads better."

And here's Fuschia's which is still just setting me off ...

"http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/HANDS-FREE-EASY-EXPRESSION-BRA-BRAND-NEW-Large_W0QQitemZ190314766797QQcmdZViewItemQQptZWomen_s_Clothing?hash=item2c4fa4e1cd&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14&_trkparms=65%3A12%7C66%3A2%7C39%3A1%7C72%3A1683%7C240%3A1318%7C301%3A1%7C293%3A1%7C294%3A50"

[quickbrownfox]

I am going to bed laughing. A lot. I particularly like how she is not only pumping like a dairy cow, but doing so while wearing lycra, talking on the phone, writing lists and sucking in her tummy. She's my kinda lady! We should all aspire to be her.

[EmmaG]

I know! It's the efficient-looking paperwork PLUS the bottles on the breasts that are just getting me. Night night QBF!

[Fuschia]

EmmaG Wrote:>

> And here's Fuschia's which is still just setting

> me off ...

>

> "http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/HANDS-FREE-EASY-EXPRESSION-

> BRA-BRAND-NEW-Large_W0QQitemZ190314766797QQcmdZVie

> wItemQQptZWomen_s_Clothing?hash=item2c4fa4e1cd&_tr

> ksid=p3286.c0.m14&_trkparms=65%3A12%7C66%3A2%7C39%

> 3A1%7C72%3A1683%7C240%3A1318%7C301%3A1%7C293%3A1%7

> C294%3A50"

You're right! It does look most odd... if you think that's funny, imagine me getting caught at work by the caretaker while I was wearing it!! He stutters when he talks to me now! I think he thinks the pump is some kind of sex toy!!

[The Nappy Lady]

OMG Fuschia, that is so funny...poor man, can you imagine!

EmmaG, I feel you are now suitably warned of what lies ahead, you are streets ahead of all the other mums-to-be who haven't read this thread!

At about 6.30pm last night I stopped for a moment to look at myself...my black combats and breastfeeding top were both covered in random bits of half chewed food (mostly pale colours so showing up really wel) which the baby had managed to smear on me over the course of the day, one nipple was poking through the lower layer of the BF top (not actually showing, but making a bizarre effect), one hook on the top was undone from a feed I'd done (no idea when), my mascara - which I had at least managed to apply that morning was half way down my face and I was drinking a semi cold cup of tea....having just managed to get my 5 year old over an hour long tantrum, and my 9 month old over having fallen over (yet again) whilst cruising.....ahh the joy of parenthood, just a normal day I guess!

[Fuschia]

I've opened the door to the post man with one boob out, as well!

[Fuschia]

pS I'm glad my twin breastfeedingexpressing solution has been the source of joy to so many.

:-)

[EmmaG]

AHAAHAHAAH oh Fuschia ... poor caretaker and postman. Jeepers that's just too funny.

Nappy Lady I shall look forward to it all. Wonder how much an au pair costs.

[sillywoman]

Ah Emma G, the joys that await you.

On the subject of boobs; I found it difficult initially to adjust to the state of mind that I needed to be able to breastfeed & keep my sanity. This state of mind is as follows. Your boobs are no longer the entities (no pun intended) they once were. You know, a secret source of pride or anxiety (are they too big, too small, nice shape etc.etc?), they have now become public property, any attempt to keep your dignity is pointless and an added stress in your strange new world. You will answer the door to postmen, milkmen, gas men, Jehova's witnesses and random callers with one boob out - sometimes two, or maybe just the nipple(s). You might have the baby attached, over your shoulder, in the moses basket or out with Granny (you might be expressing). You soon get over caring about it and can get a perverse pleasure from the startled/ embarrassed response of callers. Midwives will come and grab your boobs in an attempt to show you how to breastfeed.

One of the hardest things I found was other people's embarrassment. I think we're conditioned from birth to do nothing to embarrass and here you are being compelled to get your boobs out in all sorts of scenarios by the small controller. Actually I think it's good practice for being a Mum. One of the lessons I learned quickest was to toughen up about other people's feelings. I do (did) with my kids what feels (felt) right to me and if other people find it embarrassing, well tough. But it took me a while to get the steel necessary to feel that way. I'm well 'ard now!

[Smiler]

Completely agree with sillywoman. I used to be much more prudish but now don't care.

Same with giving birth - have heard of people getting bikini waxes etc. in time for giving birth. I remember worrying about my legs being shaven and feet being in a good state. All pointless!

Am now quite tough and recently walked down a mixed-sex ward with my hospital gown undone at the back, I had thought it was tied, but the bum and cellulite were all on show. A nice nurse rushed to sort me out, but have to say that after childbirth / breastfeeding etc. I really didn't care!

Am sure the postmen in Dulwich are well used to a few postnatal boobs!

[EmmaG]

Yet again I repair to bed giggling like a loon! Thank you ladies :-)

[KateMontero]

My mum bought me ?100 of vouchers from COOK (handmade food delivered frozen) and it was literally the best gift I have ever received. My husband and I had a healthy pre-made dinner every evening for the first 3 weeks, plus my pre-prepared frozen food. And it was good to feel that despite everything we were still eating well.

The tea issue is sad but true. For 2 months I don't think I had one hot cup of tea. I'd take the baby out in the pram to make him sleep and start planning how I'd have a cuppa when I got home. The second I would walk in the door he'd start crying for a feed. Every time.

You have to stop forward planning altogether when you have a baby.

[crystal7]

This post just gets better!

Just remembered a few more things:

Bounce baby on an exercise ball (on your knee obviously!). Really calmed my little one during the 'witching hour' (5-6 pm in our house)

Even if you're breastfeeding there's loads Daddy can do- winding, nappies, pacing around house with baby so you can have a bath...The other day I overheard someone saying she didn't want to breastfeed because she was worried her partner would feel left out! It's all about delegating.

Initially I thought my daughter didn't like swaddling as she'd strugle to escape. I realised we weren't doing it tight enough. Sounds horrid but when she couldn't struggle she seemed to feel more secure and would immediately fall asleep. We swaddled her for 10 weeks.

[Fuschia]

Take a flask with you when you go out with the buggy! or in the car. I always do, plus odd bits of the weekend ppaers I haven't been able to read. When I get 15 mins and they're both asleep I have a cuppa and a read.. bliss.

[Fuschia]

In our family I do what goes in, Mr F does what comes out.. so I bf and do the weaning/cooking.. he does all nappies (plus dressing!)

Works for us.

[jenren]

I remember going out in public one day by myself (rare) and realized that I looked like complete sh*t, which was a normal everyday thing, except without a buggy in front of me I was no longer a new mom with an excuse....... just a random woman who looked like sh*t! Some women seem to bounce back really quickly, but I was shocked at how quickly and dramatically I had "let myself go". Bad hair (with bad roots), furry eyebrows, black circles under my eyes (I averaged about 3-4 hrs sleep /night, for EIGHT months... yep you heard it!) My clothes didn't fit because I was so fat and my boobs were massive, and even my shoes didn't fit anymore so I wandered around in these awful slip on things. But one day I got sleep..... then a cut and colour, then the weight came off and it's all just a bad dream :) Except the circles under the eyes, they're a gift from my son.

Biggest important advice I can give though is to allow yourself to defend your needs and know when something isn't working. I had terrible breastfeeding issues but was so pressured from every direction that plodded on, pumping around the clock (even after 4 am feeds) while at the same time developing huge guilt and eventually a terrible case of depression and self loathing because it wasn't working. I remember crying after an hour of pumping to end up with ONE ounce of milk. This "sisterhood" of well meaning people can often do an incredible amount of damage to a fragile new mom and need to be more supportive to those who don't fit into the idealized version of motherhood. I too wanted to do all the things that seemed normal to others, but it didn't work out that way and rather than be supported I felt very defensive and vulnerable, and like I said earlier, disappointed with myself (if only you tried harder! you must be a terrible mother! look at you, you're a mess!) It should have been a beautiful time but the politics of motherhood crushed me.

Now I am back to normal (with a few war wounds :) ) but with a clear mind and hindsight am furious that anyone felt it was okay to diminish my experience. I would be a much stronger advocate for myself if I were to do it again. Everybody has advice, but nobody has had YOUR experience and you are entitled to do what you need to do. I have to admit that when I see threads for "breastfeeders" and such there is still a part of me that goes week and the most basic "us (good) vs. you (bad)" feeling , which I really do believe is unintentional but reiterates what a struggling new mom already feels.

I also had a SCHEDULED c-section, which I won't degrade myself by defending but firmly believe it was the right choice to make for my son. If I could have a penny for every time I've felt the need to defend THAT decision......

My point is, there are a LOT of politics tied to being a mother, and my advice would be to ignore all and do what is right for you. Making hard decisions makes you a good mother. Doing whatever you do with love in your heart makes you a good mother. Trying your best under difficult circumstances makes you a good mother.

Good luck, whatever you do you're going to be amazing! (To all the about to be moms!)