Top tips for those having a baby

[Moos]

Oh, and if some crazed 'counsellor' tells you that breastmilk is the Only Thing for cracked nipples and everything else is a Waste of Money, take it with a pinch of salt.

(do not apply the salt).

It works for some people, but not at all for others, who much prefer using Lansinoh, or similar.

P.S. sb, great post but do you really miss the yellow poo?!

[KateMontero]

I think it's really important to try and stay sane in the first three months! There may be many times when you find yourself saying "he can't be hungry AGAIN" as you only finishes a half an hour feed 5 minutes ago. You may not get any sleep. Your baby might want to only sleep on your body in the daytime etc. Anything goes in the first few weeks.

Find some good books or TV and relax. Slob around, breast feed and accept that excersize to lose baby weight, socialising and routines will all have their time but it may not be RIGHT NOW.

I felt quite frustrated by the new pace of my life when my baby was a tiny thing and I tried to push myself a few times to get things done or go out. It would sometimes end in tears. Now I look back and wonder why I didn't realise that he'd only just been born and therefore needed cuddling feeding and security non-stop.

I know not everyone has this experience but that's how I felt.

[The Nappy Lady]

I've just remembered another one, that's has been handed down through 'generations' of Nappy Ladies!

When you get to the 9 months (ish) nightmare nappy changes where all your baby wants to do is roll over, crawl off etc. it can be a real nightmare, especially if trying to deal with a dirty nappy.

Try putting baby on the floor, at right angles to you, and put your leg across their chest, so your thigh is holding them down gently. You can then change them easily and without a struggle and it is all over in moments. I was reminded of this earlier when I had to resort to it with my little one, and where she was being really stroppy about letting me change her, the minute I did the 'leg trick' as I call it she submitted happily and lay there gurgling. Usually after you've done it a couple of times they get much more compliant about nappy changes, and you don't have the power struggle any more....and the good news is that they do get through this phase and become helpful about changes again eventually. In the meantime I know many a Mum who has been saved from red faced, stressful, sweaty nappy changes thanks to this trick!

Molly

[Moos]

Molly, I think I'm probably being a bit dim, but I'm not sure I get this. Are you kneeling on the floor in a sort of hurdling position?

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Everyone seems to be a bit coy around the actual birth.

Push for all your worth. Once the parasite [sorry absolute darling] is out, it stops hurting.

Take the first few pees in a bath while pressing down on your pudenda - stops feeling like you are being cut in half by a rusty saw.

Get your friends and family to be on a rota to provide you with food for the first two weeks, or be extremely efficient and freeze a load of meals.

Remind yourself you are very clever and consummate woman and enjoy!

[Moos]

PGC In Laudable Attempt To Reduce Birth Rate In East Dulwich.

I'd give tips about giving birth too.... but turns out I'm rubbish at it.

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Hey, you're still here and you have an adorable Moosling. You can't be that bad.

PS: his taste in rubber ducks must be innate.

[Moos]

Well, yes, I suppose that's true.

OK, so, top tip: even if you don't manage to have a natural and hormonetastic experience of a birth, and can only manage to do the biz with the help of two or three days, a bath, a pool, gas and air, vomit, Mozart, 4 midwives, the sudden discard of a very detailed birth plan, a clipboard with a consent form, huge needles in your back, a large suction cup attached to a senior registrar, a bearded anaesthetist, a sharp knife, 95 other vaguely perceived medical personnel and a blue curtain, don't worry. It's only the start..

[littleEDfamily]

It does not necessarily stop hurting once the baby is out! First come the stitches for most of us, and then the inability to sit or walk comfortably for days. Sorry, no advice about how to combat that unfortunate side effect.

[damzel]

Right from birth, try not to let your baby sleep directly after a feed. Change it's nappy or do something before letting them sleep. Not for very long, but the trick is for them not to start relying on a feed to sleep. That way, they learn from birth how to put themselves to sleep. Babies naturally wake every 20 mins or so but if they can put themselves back to sleep, they learn how to sleep through the night quicker.

I followed this magic tip right from the off and Little Damzel was sleeping through the night by 11 weeks.

During the night feeds, keep the lights low, don't play, don't talk loudly or chat with your partner, sooth softely, feed and put your baby straight back to bed.

[Fuschia]

Peckhamgatecrasher Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Everyone seems to be a bit coy around the actual

> birth.

>

You'll bleed after, a lot more than you expected!!!

[The Nappy Lady]

Moos Wrote:

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> Molly, I think I'm probably being a bit dim, but

> I'm not sure I get this. Are you kneeling on the

> floor in a sort of hurdling position?

No, sit on floor on your bottom with legs out in front of you, spread to create a V.

Put baby on floor between your legs, at right angles to you, then lift one leg and put over baby's chest, so your thigh is holding them down ......or as I did this morning, baby on bed with her feet to the edge of the bed, then I sat on edge of bed, with one leg going down onto floor, other leg across her chest.....hmmm not sure that will make sense unless you try it...but it does work.

Basically, just pin 'em down!

Molly

[sillywoman]

littleEDfamily Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> It does not necessarily stop hurting once the baby

> is out! First come the stitches for most of us,

> and then the inability to sit or walk comfortably

> for days. Sorry, no advice about how to combat

> that unfortunate side effect.

a soft travel pillow (the U shaped type) to sit on.

[sillywoman]

damzel Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Right from birth, try not to let your baby sleep

> directly after a feed. Change it's nappy or do

> something before letting them sleep. Not for very

> long, but the trick is for them not to start

> relying on a feed to sleep. That way, they learn

> from birth how to put themselves to sleep. Babies

> naturally wake every 20 mins or so but if they can

> put themselves back to sleep, they learn how to

> sleep through the night quicker.

>

> I followed this magic tip right from the off and

> Little Damzel was sleeping through the night by 11

> weeks.

>

> During the night feeds, keep the lights low, don't

> play, don't talk loudly or chat with your partner,

> sooth softely, feed and put your baby straight

> back to bed.

Agree with the night feeds bit, but I really enjoyed that feeding-sleeping-cuddling-a-sleeping baby thing for the first few months. He slept through soon enough (about 5 months?) and it would have been such a shame to miss that snuggly new baby bit. They're not tiny for very long and it was one of the compensations for the hard work for me. Ahh, new babies - different for everyone.

[Fuschia]

The Nappy Lady Wrote:

------------------------> No, sit on floor on your bottom with legs out in

> front of you, spread to create a V.

Ooh, I tried this just now and it worked, though it didn't stop baby no 2 taking the opportunity to try to crawl off carrying the pooey nappy and rapdily pull all of the wipes out of the wipes pack... usual day around here then!!

[Gubodge]

Oh dear, my own top tip was going to be 'Ignore all the advice about not feeding them to sleep.' Just do whatever it takes, they're not still going to be needing it when they're 14. See also co-sleeping.

Don't expect them to sleep through until they are at least 5. A lot of children don't and I wouldn't like you to get your hopes up. You will survive. You won't know how but you will. If you happen to get a marvellous sleeper like my eldest then be thankful, but don't think it's anything to do with you or anything you've done or not done. It's just luck.

Get a sling. If you find one you can breastfeed in then you only ever have to take them out for nappy changes.

If you want to breastfeed and you are having problems then get yourself to a breast feeding counsellor as soon as possible. It's hard, but it doesn't have to be painful and 99% of women can successfully feed if given the right support. It also becomes very, very much easier after a couple of months.

Don't go to the Babyshow, or if you do, don't take your wallet. You'll only buy a heap of completely unneccesary crap.

Do force yourself to go to some kind of baby group or NCT tea, even if you are terminally antisocial. You may not meet anyone you get on with, but you could find people who will provide support, babysitting and friendship for years to come. And they will be the only ones to truly know what you are going through. When you are in that first newborn fug, even someone who has a four month old will find it hard to recall just what it can be like. And you will look at their proto-toddler and wonder that your teeny tiny little bundle could even be the same species.

Above all, ignore all advice and trust your instincts. Nod politely when your mum tells you what she did when you were a new born and vow to ignore any of her tips. Burn your baby books. Don't listen to any of us. You are the only expert when it comes to your baby.

[littleEDfamily]

Don't underestimate the usefulness of a dummy. If you can get past the social stigma of being a dummy user, and your baby responds to one, it can be the magic sleep-maker and save you an awful lot of frustration, provided you only use it at sleep time.

[The Nappy Lady]

Fuschia Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> The Nappy Lady Wrote:

> ------------------------> No, sit on floor on your

> bottom with legs out in

> > front of you, spread to create a V.

>

> Ooh, I tried this just now and it worked, though

> it didn't stop baby no 2 taking the opportunity to

> try to crawl off carrying the pooey nappy and

> rapdily pull all of the wipes out of the wipes

> pack... usual day around here then!!

Ha - ah yes, with two babies it isn't quite so easy - maybe pin the 2nd one under the other leg (ha, making me laugh just imagining the scene)!!!!

[Pickle]

Moos Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Molly, I think I'm probably being a bit dim, but

> I'm not sure I get this. Are you kneeling on the

> floor in a sort of hurdling position?

Ha ha ha, classic. I decided to try Molly's advice earlier this evening but hadn't read the thread further to get proper instruction and did exactly as you describe Moos... sat with one leg behind me, one out in front pinning the monster down. She looked at me like I was completely nuts, however it did work as she was so bemused by my position she forgot to wriggle :))

[The Nappy Lady]

Sorry guys, I obviously gave rubbish instructions initially!

[toomuchchocolate]

fantastic tips from everyone. i'm just bumping this back up to the top so i can find it when i need it in a few weeks. Special thanks for the birth stuff...gulp!:-$:))

[Smiler]

Like this thread!

Get a unit or something high to change the baby on and a comfy area / cushions for feeding, will help your back and general aches and pains.

Sleep - you can get obsessed with doing things to try to get them to sleep through. It can be less stressful to just forget all that and go with the flow. My daughter has always been a terrible sleeper and I have found it much easier to deal with since I have just relaxed about it. There is a blame culture that it must be something parents are doing wrong if they don't sleep through, which adds insult to injury, grrr.

If the baby is colicky and cries a lot, try to get help (e.g. see if your partner can get home earlier for a few weeks or a friend can come over), it is tough to manage if you are by yourself. But it will pass.

If you can afford it, get paid help of any kind!

Am with Molly on getting stuff to hand before settling down to feed. Also, go to the loo if you need to before you feed / change the baby! Nothing worse than being trapped when bursting for the loo.

Try to be nice to your partner day-to-day and night-to-night. Reckon this is more important than the "couple time" the books talk about.

Get out of "duty" social / family things, especially if it involves travel or hosting - do stuff that you actually want to do, see people you actually want to see.

If you haven't lost the baby weight, buy some nice, larger(cheap) clothes that fit well and that you feel OK in. Try not to worry about it (v.hard I know).

Tea bags in cold water are great for cracked nipples, much better than the expensive nipple ointment (which is, however, a great post-pedicure cream).

[Fuschia]

Smiler Wrote:> Try to be nice to your partner day-to-day and

> night-to-night. Reckon this is more important than

> the "couple time" the books talk about.

Yes, saying "Thank you for getting up at 5am!" goes a long way I think!

Another tip, to store breastmilk, try these: http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/Axifeed-Breast-Milk-Storage-Bottles-BPA-Free-Starter-Pk_W0QQitemZ250402370157QQihZ015QQcategoryZ66676QQtcZphotoQQcmdZViewItemQQ_trksidZp1713.m153.l1262

Fit direct to your pump, can be sterilised, never split in the freezer... don't leak and you can attach a bottle teat too if you like.

Also (don't laugh!) if you;re expressing a lot, and esp if you have a double pump, try one of these:

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/HANDS-FREE-EASY-EXPRESSION-BRA-BRAND-NEW-Large_W0QQitemZ190314766797QQcmdZViewItemQQptZWomen_s_Clothing?hash=item2c4fa4e1cd&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14&_trkparms=65%3A12%7C66%3A2%7C39%3A1%7C72%3A1683%7C240%3A1318%7C301%3A1%7C293%3A1%7C294%3A50

[The Nappy Lady]

Those storage bottles look the same as the ones you get from the milk bank if you are a milk donor Fuschia, they are great.

How can I not laugh at the hands free expressing bra, that is very practical but further underlines just how unglamorous motherhood really is. Seriously.

OK, on the birth front, try to stay mentally positive about it, and not too fixated on how it is going to be - difficult if you are a control freak like me! Stay active during labour if you can, but basically follow your instincts, all women labour differently, only you will know what is right for you, and only when you are actually in labour.

Regarding bleeding after the birth, you can get disposable pants, handy for the first day or two if you are in hospital, but I preferred to buy cheap (Matalan) cotton pants and Mothercare do san. pads which are impregnanted with Aloe Vera and very gentle/help with healing. I remember wondering how many to buy and asking a friend first time around, it can vary a lot, but you will probably need enough for about 2 weeks, though get a mix, thicker ones for the first few days.

Your whole body can really ache in the days after giving birth so take it easy. Only do as much as you feel up to, give your body time to heal. You don't need to stay in bed for 2 weeks (whatever your Mum/MIL may tell you!), but equally it is important not to overdo it. If you can get a back massage at some point in the first month or two it can really help - I find I end up really tense across my back what with labour, then all the feeding, and picking baby up etc. A good massage will make a huge difference.

Molly

[Sonja]

For stitches, as an alternative to weeing in the bath (which I will try next time) - get a small jug and fill it with warm (not hot) water, then start pouring it between your legs and over your bits just before you start to wee - waters everything down and makes it much less stingy. And the ideal jug? The funny little plastic one that comes with your iron.

And in the first couple of days - those disposable change mats are useful for putting on the floor when you get changed or out of the bath.

And if you're still pregnant - tell all those people who want to tell you IN DETAIL about their / their wives / their sisters gory 48 hour labour story to F**K off. Why do they think it's helpful? It isn't. I don't think there can be many people who expect it to be a walk in the park, but equally it isn't always that long or that hideous. My labour was quick (not fun, but quick). So were lots of my friends, but you never hear about those.

Oh, and don't buy too much stuff. All you really need for a newborn if you're planning to breastfeed is a few vests and babygros, a blanket of some kind, some cotton wool balls, and some kind of nappies. (and OK, somewhere to sleep, but didn't our parents generation all tell us that we slept in drawers?) Everything else is extra. Don't be fooled by shopping lists and helpful people in baby departments into thinking that you need to buy everything that they'll require before their second birthday. You will still be able to go out to the shops once you have a baby, and probably sooner than you think. And you'll know what you need when you need it. And it's probably sold somewhere in East Dulwich anyway.