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HOW MEN AMUSE THEMSELVES IN TESCO'S


Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or

boyfriend along shopping


This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford:


Dear Mrs. Murray,


While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card,

the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your

family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics. Below is

a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance

cameras:


1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's

trolleys when they weren't looking.


2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute

intervals.


3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine

products aisle.


4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code

3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.


5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.


6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told

shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas

stove.


7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he

began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'


8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror,

picked his nose, and ate it.


9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the

Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants

were.


10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the

Mission Impossible' theme.


11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the 'Madonna look' using

different size funnels.


12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled

'PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'


13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed

the foetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices again.'


And; last, but not least:


14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while;

then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here'



... well this explains what the other half is up to when he disappears in sainsburys

Good grief! This certainly describes a worrying downward trend in juvenile supermarket behaviour on behalf of the male gender. Fella's, if you really want to get a reaction then read carefully.


When you next have a big alcohol shop (preferably at DKH as you'll have a larger audience) stock up your trolley with booze, just booze. Here comes the fun part. Put a pack of nappies or some other baby essentials on top of the mountain of crates. Find a long and busy queue. After the cashier has wrung up all the items and announces the final bill your chance to raise the stakes arrives. Say to the cashier that you don't have enough. By this time your hold up of the queue will have started to attract attention. Start looking through your pockets for more money, the mood in the queue will be growing ever more inpatient. Feign defeat and say to the cashier "You know what...........I'll leave the nappies" and proceed to purchase all the alcohol instead. The expression on the face of the cashier and the queue will be priceless and worthy of a Blue Peter badge.


You wont find this in Snopes as I was taught this wind up by my uncle.


Good luck.

A Parsnip!!! If you returned to the checkout with a Parsnip and some baby oil then I'd be inclined to congratulate you on your initiative but since you've failed to exploit the attempt to it's fullest/darkest then I'm afraid you haven't made the grade. START ALL OVER AGAIN!

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