Moving out of London for secondary school?

[Otta]

simonethebeaver Wrote:

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> I've read that Tunbridge Wells has a big teen drug

> problem. The epitome of safe suburbia.

Really? Haha, that's where half my mates have moved to.

[Otta]

slh2009 Wrote:

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> I'm definitely not scared of anyone who is not

> white or middle class(!)

Just for clarity, I wasn'rt suggesting that anyone was scared of or had anything against non white middle class people. I was just saying that in London kids are more likely to grow up with a diverse set of peers.

[largeginandtonic]

I also grew up in the countryside and had the same negative experiences described by others - nothing to do, everyone piling in to cars driven by just-qualified, reckless and slightly-drunk 17 year olds. Perhaps being a teenager anywhere involves risks, assuming you are allowed out on your own.

London for kids is brilliant in many ways I think - the museums, activities, playgrounds and diversity.

I sometimes hanker after the countryside for myself - especially this time of year when the trees and everyone's gardens are so gorgeous. But I don't really long for it for the kids.

We are stuck here for work but one other advantage which hasn't been mentioned yet is that IMO we will have a better chance of being able to be near our kids when they are adults - either because they'll want to be in London or because we'll be able to afford to relocate to near them. My parents still live in the countryside and they could not afford a studio flat near here, even though I think they'd move to be closer if they could.

[Gubodge]

I grew up just outside a small home counties cathedral city with excellent state schools; just the kind of place I'm sure a lot of ED refugees would love to move to. A number of my friends, all from middle class, professional families, were dead by their early 20's, some from drugs, some from alcohol and some from car crashes, speeding home from pubs down country lanes.

The only sensible reason for moving out of London is for more space/cheaper housing. Anyone doing it for better schooling or to protect their teen from the dangers of the big bad city is fooling themselves. I admit that if our circumstances were different I could see myself moving out back to my hometown, but I don't think my children would forgive me for removing them from everything London has to offer. And I would keep a very close eye on them if we did.

[tiddles]

I have two teenagers at a local state school, and I am so glad they are growing up here. I grew up in a small market town, and was bored rigid. Ditto the drinking, drugs and young boys dying on their motorcycles on country roads.

My kids can hop on a bus anywhere, but can enjoy the 'local feel' that we have round here. I remember there seemed to be a mass exodus to Lewes a few years ago and we had a bit of a 'should we be doing that?' moment, but to be honest, we didn't really want to leave our neighbourhood. Our children have the advantage of mixing with all kinds of children from lots of different cultures and backgrounds - which can only be a positive thing. They soon get to understand the types to avoid, and better still, how to deal with them!

[EDmummy]

On a recent visit to my husband's home village my oldest remarked "it's very White!" He was also baffled at what teenagers did other than hand about at the local park.

[HannahSE23]

Yes Lewes and Tunbridge Wells seem to be the two favoured places to 'escape' to. Still commutable I guess. Interestingly, I do also know of one or two people who made the break from SE London and then c back because they never settled in the country and the commute was a right pain. But some other (slightly smug) friends who've made the move certainly have a habit of making me feel like we're letting our kids down by raising them in a city, hence the wobble!

[Coach Beth]

Everyone makes different choices - we have good friends who moved out to a village near Haywards Health - because they just couldn't afford a house and they had two lively boys. We stay in touch and visit in half-terms or they come up here. They are happy with the choice they made but also acknowledge the downsides. For example, she misses not being able to pop into the Tate Modern or many other London attractions that I can with my son - they have to make a big excurions to come up and then it's dragging two boys to see an exhibit. Whereas I can entice my lively boy into a gallery by saying we'll just pop in and then be home by lunch and in time for footie in the park. The schools are ok but she knows that schools in London are more academic. The biggest thing she misses is the diversity in London and having to DRIVE EVERYWHERE is a pain. Plus, she hasn't made many new friends - mainly because the driving to drop off at schools doesn't lend itself to easy friendships you make when you can pop into cafes for coffee after drop off.

[Otta]

When I was about 14/15 and my sister 17/18 we went down to visit our nan in Devon (where she moved to before I was born, after giving up her pub in Peckham). I will never forget seeing a bunch of bored looking teens about my age all sat on the local rec ground. My sister and I were unknown faces so had no trouble getting served in the local pubs, but everyone knew these kids and how old they were so they stood no chance.

That is no kind of life for a teenager, I was horrified!

There was certainly plenty of drink and drugs when I was a teen in London, but we never had to get in a car and drive down dark winding lanes to get home. Instead we'd just sit on a night bus feeling the fear as our trips started wearing off.

Happy days.

[mrs.lotte]

My parents moved from city to country for a better life for their children. We did not run around in fields learning the names of plants instead we spent most of our teens waiting for buses to take us somewhere slightly less boring. The countryside was all joyriding and glue sniffing then. When I think of how easy it is for youngsters to be bullied and pressured nowadays I would prefer my children live somewhere where they are not limited in their social circle.

I came back to the City as soon as I could and have no plans to leave

Horses for courses though

Oh and generally speaking gang members are largely interested in hurting other gang members imo

[LondonMix]

In all the ways that truly matter to me (rape / homicide) London on a per capita basis is as safe as the English average. There probably isn?t anywhere you can live to shelter your kids from drugs, sex and drinking.

If you like the countryside, then definitely move there but I wouldn?t ever just move there for kids!

[Otta]

mrs.lotte Wrote:

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> Oh and generally speaking gang members are largely

> interested in hurting other gang members imo

Agreed. Vast majority of the time.

[scareyt]

I grew up in SE London and loved it. From about 14 a group of us used to spend whole days "bus hopping" with a one day travel card and end up all over the place and I loved the freedom. My parents didn't have a car but there was always ?20 or so in a special place just inside the front door, so we knew we could always get a cab home if we needed to. My parents' only rule was if you're out late, travel home with a friend & they would stay the night, or my Dad would then walk the friend home if it wasn't too late. Yes there were risks but I'm sure that being responsible for my own safety & transport made me resourceful and independent, and was a better risk than trusting the driving skills of other teenagers.

It worked for us, and we were actually quite innocent compared to my friend's country cousins who were getting up to all sorts due to boredom!

[Cora]

Great tips - Thanks scareyt...

[Belle]

Just to reiterate what others have said re growing up in more rural areas. I grew up in a small Scottish town (probably less than 6,000 people, and a bus journey from a cinema/ decent shops/pubs you'd actually want to go to as a teenager). I was pretty much a goody two-shoes so I wouldn't say I was dying of boredom, but most of my peers were, and that led to a lot of trouble. I remember kids sitting in my French class on acid aged 14, and there were lots of teenage pregnancies (I'm talking about 13/14 here). There was NOTHING to do. And the social pool point that Mrs Lotte makes is very true. I was lucky to have a very tight group of 3 or 4 friends but my brother didn't and was badly bullied. I'd like to think that in a bigger place he might have found his niche. There are lots of positives about moving to the country, of course, but I think it's a mistake to think it could be safer for teens.

[david_carnell]

Does anyone have a positive childhood story of growing up in the country?!

Surely there must be Swallows and Amazons style adventures, den building, shooting at rabbits, poaching, scrumping, annoying farmers, teenage trysts in haybarns, long bike rides across commons on summer's evenings etc?

Have I become John Major and just envisaged some mythical England that never has and never will exist?

[????]

I blame Laurie Lee - we all know it's really incest and cirhossis

[david_carnell]

Morris dancing and incest....just coincidence you find both in rural areas???!

[bumpy]

Here's a good news story for you david_carnell...

I grew up in the New Forest, cycling everywhere once I joined secondary school, mostly to the local riding stables every weekend (about 3 miles away), where rain or shine we spent the whole weekend hanging out with the horses, riding in the forest unsupervised by adults, taking the ponies to the beach, poo fights and the occasional attempt at smoking. We were however 3 girls, goody two shoes and only got waylaid occasionally to go shop lifting at the local corner shop for ice creams and Easter Eggs! Once we hit 16 and wanted to venture further afield to discos we were fortunate enough to have a reliable train service, a very accommodating friends father who collected us and a friend of my mum who was a taxi driver!

Yes, there was the odd teenage pregnancy, rival school gangs and I'm sure drugs were part of some people's life but generally it was all pretty harmless. Yes, I did get some teasing being mixed race in a very white community but I also had a strong circle of friends.

Having now lived in London since 1999 and venturing back fairly often to visit family I'm very content to be bringing up our 5 year old here and don't see us moving out for the immediate future.

[INMCD]

Great thread.

Otta your post has really made me laugh. I grew up in North London and remember the fear on the night bus home from Camden Palace!

x

[slh2009]

I am wondering if it is partly because times have changed, I was growing up in a small rural town in the 80s and I don't really remember being bored and never encountered a drug. I only remember one girl in my year at school getting pregnant at 15. I don't even think I drank alcohol until it was legal but I did have quite strict parents and the fear of being caught was too much ;-)

I used to cycle for miles in the countryside with my friends, go to the local "big town" on the bus for shopping, cinema or to the parks. I guess I didn't know any different in those days and so to me this was a nice life for a teenager. I got a Saturday job at 16 and that kept me out of mischief for half the weekend.

I left home at 18 to go to university and never went back (apart from weekend visits) as I got a taste for city life. As I said in my previous post I do now think about going back to raise my young child but I actually don't think it would be the same now...my mum still lives in the same town and said drugs are more prevalent for example. On a more selfish note I think I would get bored and maybe frustrated that, like someone else said, a trip to a museum etc would be a big day out rather than a quick easy trip.

Could do with a bit more fresh air though and a bigger house/garden would be nice...!

[scareyt]

Bumpy your teen years sound lovely! My sister was really into horses and used to get up at 5am on a Saturday to get three different buses to get to our nearest riding for the disabled centre to volunteer there all day. New Forest life would have suited her much better.

[Fuschia]

I was brought up on a town surrounded by countryside. We used to ride our bikes round the lanes, lay around in cornfields, fish for frogs, climb trees... Also into horse riding. From the age of about 10 I could go swimming with neighbours, in the summer we would go out early and not come back till

Bedtime. As teenagers were exposed to the normal vices, but didn't come to any harm (probably because we wrent rich enough to have cars) although I was expected always to walk home - often 3-4 miles!

I am living in the same place now. The main difference is that the children spend far too much time in their iPads!

[david_carnell]

Where?

[Fuschia]

Hertfordshire, just by the m25

It's possible to leave London without retreating into deepest countryside ... There are places in between!