Two children under 2 - does it get easier??

[secondtimemum]

We have a 21 month age gap between our two children. Our toddler has just turned two and thankfully they are adjusting to life as an older sibling. We are over some of the the hurdles of having a newborn and the initial feeding problems have mostly been ironed out. I had anticipated how hard things would be when the baby was born but I am not sure that I appreciated how hard it is looking after two little people on a daily basis- dealing with toddler tantrums on very little sleep due to overnight baby feeds and my constant hypervigilent state when I am out alone with the two of them.

Thankfully they are both happy and healthy and there are good times but when does it get easier?? Does it get easier!? Words of wisdom from those who have been there would be appreciated! x

[gemo]

I'm afraid I've not got any words of wisdom, just thought I'd let you know that I completely sympathise - I have a very active 20mnth old and a 5mnth old who is the worst sleeper and currently up just about every 2hrs in the night. Our house is a mess and I have never looked so shockingly awful but as you say, as long as they are healthy and happy that's all that matters right now - I keep repeating "it's only a phase"!

I'm hoping they'll entertain each other as they grow up but God knows how tough it'll be when they start running in opposite directions at the park - at least one of them is constrained to the buggy right now!

Just to say, you're not alone in the chaos. Good luck and do PM me if you ever want to get together, perhaps our older two can entertain each other?!

[hmt1979]

Thank you Gemo for your message and apologies for sounding so sorry for myself!! I hope that your baby starts to sleep a bit more overnight, two hourly feeds are hard. We wanted a short age gap between our two and as you say it will be lovely for them ( and us!!) When they can entertain each other a bit better!! X

[Convex]

Our age gap is over 2 but yes, it gets easier.

Thankfully!

[Pickle]

Absolutely!

I have 17 months between my 1st and 2nd children. My eldest didn't start walking until his little sister was 6 months old, which made things easier at times (he could be contained), but tough in that I had to carry them both to the car/buggy/upstairs. I coped by spending a lot of time at playgroups and the park, and they both started having a lunchtime nap at the same time when the baby was about 3 months which was a godsend.

They are now 8 and nearly 7, and the small gap is brilliant. They are the best of friends, play together a lot of the time, and have done since the smaller of the two started walking. A small gap means they enjoy the same things, making family holidays and trips much easier (although we have a 3 year old too which makes things a bit tricky!).

Be assured, things do get easier, and quite quickly. Enjoy it while they can't gang up on you with their superior knowledge of everything...

[snowboarder]

It absolutely does get easier!! Mine are 22m apart and (well I think I've blotted it out of my memory) but even by the time they were 1 and 3 things had settled. I started my older one at a pre school for three mornings a week once her turned 2, that helped. I was reminded last night be a fellow forumite that we said that we were looking forward to them being 4 and 6 - which they just about are now and I feel a world away from those early days! No nappies, no buggies, we can go anywhere without special food or anything, the youngest will start school in September and now I'm back at work I treasure my time with them, mostly! They fight (2 boys) but also look out for each other - and we can do things like cinema/restaurants/camping trips etc without too much stress.

Hang in there!!

[snowboarder]

Just to add sorry - the first 6-7 months were definitely the hardest. After that I had an amazing 6m when they both had a post lunch nap together - seriously lucky considering my first didn't sleep at all for about the first yr. I almost look back on that time fondly now - they are such brutes these days!!

[etta166]

Yes, it does. There are always challenges, but once the little one is about 4-5 months and a bit more interactive to "play" with the older one, it deos get easier. My oldest 2 have been really good at playing together since they were 1 and 3, and at 4 and 6 still entertain each other really nicely (when they are in the mood - they also fight some of the time).

In the early days, I found it much easier to be together with another parent, even if that meant 4 or 5 little ones and two adults. Somehow that is much more manageable than being the only adult around. One can cook, do toilet trips etc while the other entertains and plays. Going to playgroups and soft play places was also great, and I tried to treat myslef to one meal a week in a cafe so that someone else did the clearing up!

Now I just have to integrate our third into the tight little pair that the older two are, without rocking the boat too much. I really hope it's possible...

[Gooders79]

I vividly remember telling a close friend of mine that having 2 under 2 was a special kind of hell. We have 19 mo between ours. Now mostly it's much much easier (22 mo and 3.5) I happily take them most places in my own, the youngest has a consistent good lunchtime nap whilst the older one gets some time with me. Things that didn't work well for me in the early days were playparks or soft play (oldest couldn't manage anything really on his own), playgroups (oldest was a biter and everything escalated really quickly so I couldn't be more than a couple of yards away. What worked really well was feeding ducks, going for a coffee, horniman museum for the aquarium, cooking at home...

It does get better, it is hard, take whatever help you can if going somewhere you know will be challenging go with reinforcements of a friend, another parent etc. different things will work for different people too, good luck.

[KatDew]

It gets better, hang in there. My eldest was just over two when my twins were born, so I had the dreaded 'three under three' looking back I think I fixed a fake grin/grimace and pretended all was ok. I drank a lot of coffee. My twins just didn't sleep well till a year and I used to dread the days when I had all three on my own all day with no plans to escape!

Accept help, it is ok to admit you can't do it all.

Fast forward a few years and our life is unrecognisable. They all get along very well. They support each other and play well together.

Be kind to yourself, it is such a short phase in life when you look back.

[hellosailor]

Yes it does get easier! As everyone says, when the little one is even a few months old, they will start to 'play together' and actually it gives you a chance to get a few things done or just sit and watch for a bit, I know that probably seems unimaginable right now, but it will happen. If you haven't slept and you're exhausted and struggling there is NOTHING wrong with putting CBeebies on and getting a chance to sit down for a bit!!

[Sarah9999]

It does get easier. I have 23 mth gap and the first 6 months were like a living nightmare as the eldest hit terrible twos right on schedule. Dealing with the tantrums was so hard, and it all felt so emotional and lots of times I dealt with really badly I think.

At around 6 months it suddenly became like there had always been 2 of them, I'm not sure what happened, maybe I got a bit more sleep at that point. The eldest also realised the youngest was constantly amused by her too so would try and make her laugh, which she did and still does, a lot! Anyway the little one is now 16months and they are great mates already.

Anyone that I know with a small gap says the first year is hard but the siblings are likely to be very close as they get older, I can see that is becoming true with my two.

It is relentless though, try and get a bit of time for yourself every now and again even if it's a couple of hours.

Good luck.

[Pickle]

I think trying to find a little bit of time to yourself is key, especially if you are the primary carer during the week. I used to escape to a local cafe for an hour (between feeds for the baby) with a magazine on Saturday mornings, it was bliss.