How do people manage financially...

[sophie_e_down]

Have recently gotten married and thinking about starting a family, but worried about the cost of it all!

I'd have to go back to work full time as I earn a fairly reasonable salary and my other half is self-employed, so could be out of work for weeks / months at a time.

I was thinking I could compress my hours over four days, but then that's still four days of childcare we'd need.

I know some people say not to worry and that you just manage but it is on my mind. My parents are in Sussex and my in-laws are in Essex so we'd be managing on our own.

What's the cheapest childcare option?

[Monkey]

Childminders can often be cheaper than nurseries.

Also try and have a late summer born who will start school a year ahead of a September born :-) this has saved us lots!

Childcare vouchers help to some extent.

And if you can compress your hours, that would save you a lot too.

sorry, no magic solution. It's hard. You'll get very good at saving money in other areas (Sainsbury's basics range is a life saver!)

[etta166]

You can also equip yourself with second hand baby and child necessities very cheaply via freecycle and the forum. You'll ba amazed at how little you spend on clothes and going out after having children too :)

[Mariamadeit]

You just manage, there are lots of ways of saving money on stuff by buying secondhand etc and not choosing/being fussy about having to have x brand. It is really scary if you try to sit down and work out the numbers, don't do that, if you want to have a baby, do it, don't wait as there is never a "right" time. It will work out.

[Mathilda]

What is the maternity policy like at your current company? If its just statutory pay it might be worth looking to move jobs to a bigger/more corporate place now, I wish I had done this!

If your OH is self employed then could he be the one to work part time and do 1-2 days childcare during the week? Its much easier to manage a freelance/self employed job around the kids.

Childcare vouchers can help, also when children get to 3 years old they get 15 hours of free nursery per week.

Other than that - yes it is just financially very hard when they are little!

[VanessaPMR]

Congrats on getting married, and for being so organised to be looking at costs of childcare etc.

As someone who has (almost) no support from grandparents, if its an option, would you consider moving closer to whichever set of grandparents are willing (and capable) of helping out with childcare?

Being able to count on a grandparent to pick up a child that is too ill for nursery/their childminder, or to make pick up when you are stuck on a train/in traffic, or to take over when you are too ill to care for you little ones/need to meet a deadline is a life saver.

Having said that, we've managed with no grandparents (two kids), but I've had weeks where my wages only cover childcare costs and mortgage payments.. thankfully, they are in the minority..and once they start school, the childcare costs ease up a bit...

but as other posters said, dont over think it.. you will manage, we all do!

[vez]

I work four days a week and I am about to return to work after baby number two. Our childminder for one child cost us just over a grand per month. So you have to calculate how much you would earn working four days (I had to go 80%). Does your company offer childcare vouchers? (Not that they make a huge difference nowadays). Then add travel costs to work, probably another ?130. So that's easily 1200 pounds off your net salary, I.e. Your costs of going to work.

Oops, just realised I just did what the previous poster said not to do. But burying your head in the sand is also not good.

I would also suggest looking into whether your partner could potentially do a day of childcare.

Childminders tend to take between 6 and 8 pounds per hour, some have a fixed daily rate of fifty or so pounds,

Having children you change your lifestyle. We don't often eat or drink out, have cut down on weekend trips, wear fewer branded stuff, buy lots of kids stuff second hand, food shop more wisely (often go to aldi), have uk holidays rather than going abroad etc etc.

Oh, and once your child is at school you still have to consider the costs of wrap around care and holidays. I could imagine that having your parents not too far away can help during school holidays.

[Fuschia]

Do you have space and are the grandparents free enough that they could stay over one night a week and pick up a bit of childcare for you?

Could you put your mortgage onto interest only for a few years?

[Convex]

i agree, you just manage. If you add up everything you spend on 'little luxuries' - bought lunches, coffees, takeaways, clothing and shoes (the ones you don't strictly need) new nail polish etc you might be surprised at how much you could divert to kid stuff. and yes buying things second hand save a fortune, especially things you aren't sure you will need or wont need for long or the big ticket items - pram, cot, etc.

i have 2, and i get a bit despondent at how little i spend on myself sometimes but it wont be like this forever.

having said that, i think that if you aren't under any pressure/burning desire to start trying straight away then there is no harm in spending a few years clearing debt, building up savings etc. Plus i loved that time just being married (we didn't have kids for several years)

we dont have a lot of help either though i have to say friends have been brilliant in emergencies, so you can build your own network if family isnt able to help.

also its worth discussing the parenting split before you have kids - ie do you expect to split things 50/50, are your expectations the same, etc. gives you a chance to discuss htings properly before its crunch time. eg we worked out that to continue in my line of work i wouldnt be able to do pick ups, and we planned accordingly.

something someone said above resonated with me though - there is never a right time to have kids. hopefully that means there is never a wrong time either!

[sophie_e_down]

Thank you everyone :)

[Mariamadeit]

@convex yes I agree about right/wrong time :)

Just wanted to pop back and say, a number of friends of mine decided to wait to have a family and are now discovering (mid 30s) they have problems in that department and are regretting the decision. No one ever says they should have worked harder, but children make a massive difference to your life. It's not easy but it is certainly fulfilling. Enjoy your time just the pair of you and don't worry too much about the logistics. It will be ok and ed is a fab place to have children.

[damzel]

I was self employed when we had my daughter and was the chief wage earner at the time, so we were very worried about how we were going to make ends meet, with no maternity pay etc. However, we were amazed at how little money it all cost particularly in the first year. You can spend a fortune if you want to, but you really don't need to. After the first year, it all sort of slots together. If you are currently a "going out" type of person, you will be amazed how much money you save because you don't do that so much. Best of luck, you won't regret it.

[ana maria]

And don't forget the childminder's rate vary quite a bit, I pay ?5ph but some can charge as much as ?10. I go to all nearly new sales around and have saved a lot over the years doing that. I have no family in the UK whatsoever apart from my husband, it's hard but we manage fine. Somehow you just make it work and never look back!

[Otta]

Credit cards.

[AnyaJoeli]

Echo damzel and others here...don't overthink it as apart from anything else you realise that "planning a family" is more like a glorious leap into the unknown as you just don't know how it's going to pan out timewise etc.

I would say that I am self employed, and it's not ideal in terms of benefits of maternity allowance etc and I have felt very alarmed about finances a few times but then listen to mums who have great maternity packages stressing about money and realise we all somehow work within what we've got and you adjust accordlingly - you simply don't go out in the same way once you have a baby and it's very easy to slash spending on superfluous things once you're thinking about it daily. Put it this way: since having a baby 3 years ago my freelance earnings have gone down by half (what earning I have has partly been eaten up by childcare so sometimes i've opted not to work rather than work for basically nothing for my time), but I wouldn't say our quality of life has decreased and we just sort of get by fine...I simply don't spend money frivolously on lunches or travel like I used to but it just somehow works out if you're savvy with second hand and not splashing on unnecessary baby items etc. I'm about to have baby number 2 and I've just accepted that for the next 3 years I'll still be earning well under my ideal/potential but that's just life and actually for me that's ok (depends on your outgoings/ambitions and possibly invites a bit of soul searching).

With childcare, I would say that cheapest won't necessarily be your guiding criteria once you're actually looking. I found my childminder via ed forum. She wasn't the cheapest by any means, but was definitely the best for my son. But benchmark and get lots of contacts from places like ed forum and you will find the best solution financially and for your family.

It's an adventure. Plan of course, but don't wait until you're "ready" as you just don't know what stations this train will take you to until you're on it!

Good luck...!

[Smiler]

Minor point but many employers won't agree to people working FT hours over 4 days. Childcare and housing costs are lower outside London, so commuting might be worth considering of one or both of you can work elsewhere (we both commute which is hard going!)

[BabymassagewithLouie]

I would say don't automatically move to a house or somewhere more expensive when you're pregnant. I was always amazed at the number of my friends who UPPED their costs while pregnant by moving. We stayed in our tiny flat until our kids were 2 and 1 and although it was a squeeze, we never regretted it as it meant I could work part time for a few years. Keep the big costs as low as possible. Also - shop around for childminders - I agree, the difference in costs is astonishing. I pay ?4 an hour per child (term time only, half price in hols and I have to find alternative childcare/cover it with annual leave) but some of my friends pay up to ?10 an hour which I think is crazy considering childminders can have three or four children at the same time.

Good luck!

[Convex]

I know someone who stayed in a studio flat until she had her second, and even then they were in no rush to move!

[minder]

You have a good deal babymassage, with two children too.

I keep my fees low per all day childcare so maybe the ?10 an hour you quote is for before/after school pick-ups etc. I don't know any childminders that charge ?10 an hour for a 10 hour day but maybe I'm out of touch and should start charging more!!

For my term-time only childcare I only charged 2 weeks holiday pay out of the whole 13/16 weeks that parents had off but it worked for me at the time.

Yes, childminders are allowed to have up to 3 children per person per day, not 4 unless in exceptional circumstances and depends on hours and ages too.

[antantant]

Firstly, congratulations! However, my thoughts are that you're going to be shattered if you condense your hours to 4 days a week. It would probably also mean that you wouldn't be able to help with any drop offs or pick ups for which ever child care option you choose (assuming it would mean at least 4X10 hour days plus travel).

Could it make more sense for your partner to commit to 2 or 3 days of childcare per week? This could reduce your childcare costs considerably.

We're in a similar boat - all our family is overseas, and we manage with kiddo in nursery which is about ?220 a week, and really looking forward to when he turns 3 and we get the free 15 hours. (Only during term time, if I remember correctly).

[minder]

Yes, it is only during term-time and that's been in force for years now anyway in state school nurseries.

Private nurseries and childminders have different terms and conditions.