stress....

[stress_head]

I am a regular user of the family room forum but changed username for this, am not really sure why. Anyway, I am after some advice from people who have suffered from severe chronic stress or "burn out".

To cut a long story short I have been treated for a variety of problems since my pregnancy 3 years ago such as PND, PTSD following a difficult labour, some inflammatory problems, iron def, insomnia, hair loss, unexplained weight gain etc etc.

What has now hit me like a ton of bricks is a severe and acute pain in my jaw, resulting from constant grinding of my teeth. It seems like this can be resolved by keyhole surgery (great...), more cortisone injections and some osteopathy.

But, the consultant sat me down and said that I really need to take stock and try to get to the bottom of what he feels is chronic stress. He said quite rightly that I need to be around for years for our young child and that my body is giving me warning signs that things are not well. High blood pressure, weight gain, and high cholesterol are a few other "warining signs".

Clearly, this cant go on and this is the tricky bit. How does one resolve stress? Your life is what it is, no? Work, financial pressure, the work/motherhood balance, illness and death of relatives - that is part of life - for everyone- is it not? I do not think that my life is any more stressful than most womens so why is it that my body has decided it is not coping? It feels abit indulgent to say "I am stressed", almost attention seeking.

Whilst I am very much a get on with it kind of person, I am certainly no unrealistic overachiever, I don't "feel stressed" or even anxious but clearly my body does?

So, to try and help my body "fix this" where do I start? Diet and supplements? Alternative therapies?

Sorry for the essay, but I am at a loss on how to fix this one and would love to hear from people who can relate, or share their experiences. Many thanks for reading, if you managed to get this far.

[MrsSW]

Hello - sorry you're feeling like this. I'd make an appointment with your GP and ask for a referral if I were you - maybe for cognitive behavioural therapy but see what they suggest. They can't change your job, pressures of young children etc but could help you change how you view things and cope with things. I'm not a huge believer in "therapy" but I do know CBT has worked very well for some people and there is a lot of scientific evidence to support how effective it is. Also, stress can come with other issues (maybe some sort of depression or anxiety) that might be usefully treated with fairly mild drugs. I don't think there's a medical diagnosis of "stress". I expect you may have explored medication already if you had PND but it is definitely worth talking to the GP again now your child is 3ish. (And if you are on some already, it might be that they need adjusting.) I think the key first step is talking to a good GP - make an appointment with your favourite one at your practice! I don't think diet and supplements/alternative therapies will do much - on their own anyway. However, eating healthily and not drinking too much alcohol would be useful. (Not that I'm suggesting you do!! It's just how some people react to stress.)

Good luck!

[Belle]

Agree, def talk to a doctor about CBT and poss medication, if you haven't already explored those routes. To your point about not actually feeling anxious - I wonder if you've become so used to being stressed it's kind of the norm to you? So you don't realise that you're stressing? I found CBT very effective, my problems were more PND related than anxiety but we did address anxiety. I believe sertraline is considered very effective for anxiety, but of course only a doctor can advise on medication.

The whole premise of CBT is 'change the things you can, accept the things you can't' - a really useful approach for anxiety. Maybe there are a series of small changes you could make which would add up to a big difference in your mental and physical health.

Also, don't compare yourself to others. It's easy to look at people from the o utside and think 'why can't I cope like they do' but you never know what is really happening. Another link that a friend shared on Facebook yesterday really sums this up: http://www.postpartumprogress.com/cant-tell-mom-postpartum-depression-looking

I think some of us are just more naturally anxious/disposed to depression and that is not our fault, but it doesn't mean we can't do something about it. Plus, it sounds like you had a rough time around your birth/afterwards, so you had a difficult start.

Sorry, realise all of this is more relevant to the emotional side of stress, whereas it sounds like your symptoms are more physical - hopefully others will have more experience of that.

[enjoy]

Poor you, l really feel for you.

You could ask for a referral or go to a course for

MBCT, mindfulness based cognitive behaviuor therapy.

http://mbct.co.uk/the-mbct-programme/

I know a lot of people who found this very helpful.

All the best for you!!

[stress_head]

Thank you everyone, it is touching really that people take the time to respond. I problably should have clarified that I am not adverse at all to taking medication and/or conventional therapy such as CBT, in fact I am an advocate for both and found it very helpful for my postnatal issues.

The thing is that at the moment, I feel fine emotionally - I dont feel stressed or anxiour or depressed but clearly my body does, I realise this must sound pretty daft.

Belle, interesting what you are saying about how anxiety might have become my new normal - I havent thought of that but it would make sense.

[enjoy]

You were faster, lmwas just about to edit my post...

Google MBSR, mindfulness beased stress reduction too.

Meditation is a lot about inner peace and awareness,

Maybe you can cure your suffering body through that.

Worth trying...

[StraferJack]

" Your life is what it is, no? Work, financial pressure, the work/motherhood balance, illness and death of relatives - that is part of life - for everyone- is it not?"

This was the bit that stood out for me. Obviously many things in life are things we all have to deal with but particularly with work, you can change things.

What are your hours like? How early/late do you see your kid(s) on a work day? Do you take work home with you? How supportive is your manager?

Because those things can be changed. (if they are indeed a problem at all)

[Knomester]

What Belle says makes sense to me. You can function at a high level even with severe anxiety as you develop coping mechanisms (which may or may not be helpful in the long run).

In my experience, when my mind can't cope or there's something big going on, my body starts to fail me. As an example, recently during an incredibly stressful hospital stay with my then 5 week old baby my mind shut down (just to 'get through' I imagine) but my body reacted violently with nasty mouth ulcers and hives all over my body within hours of my son being admitted. Tellingly, they calmed down within about 48 hours of being discharged. Your jaw pain and teeth grinding sounds very much like this to me (as a fellow teeth grinder...!).

Depending on what the problem is with your jaw you may find an operation may not be necessary to alleviate pain. Have you managed to get on top of the grinding with a mouth guard? I've had operations but I wouldn't say they necessarily helped with the pain in the long run. At times of stress the pain is there regardless. It may be that an operation may add to your stress, not help alleviate it?

[stress_head]

StraferJack, I think what I was trying to say is that my life is as most people's pretty hectic, but I dont think it is not unsually so. Yes, I work in the city, but part time and try not to take work home with me for example. What I am trying to say is that I am somewhat bewildered at these quite extreme physical reactions to a life which is not unusually stressful if that makes sense. I think about all the people that I know that work longer hours, have more children, bigger problems etc and they cope just fine.

Having had pretty recent experience of depression and anxiety following the birth of my child 2 1/2 years ago, I feel that emotionally I am in a pretty good place now and so all these physical symptoms are at odds with how I feel mentally if that makes sense.

Knomester, that is so interesting with the ulcers - I experienced exactly this in the beginning of the year when my father was in intensive care. Mentally I was on autopilot and "fine" but physically I was a mess and I remember the ulcers very clearly.

I do have a mouthguard but I have managed to chew that down too (gross I know) and the consultant said that sometimes it encourages you to grind your teeth harder. I am not overly keen on surgery to my jaw I have to admit but I need the pain to stop. I can hardly open my mouth at the moment it is so painful.

Thank you for all your comments - it is really useful.

[StraferJack]

The disconnect between your conscious feelings and how your body is reacting must be, as you say, bewildering

As others have said - it's easy to look at others and say "well, they are coping" - but there is no telling what's going on there

But nor can you ignore what's happening - if you can't identify any set of factors which are contibuting then teasing them out through talking seems like the best way.

But again, I would suggest not being so quick to gloss over your circumstances as normal, and no worse than others. We aren't all made of the same stuff - we all have different plusses and minuses. Just because things seem to work for others, don't assume you should be doing the same

You have been through a number of big life-events in recent years and even though you seem to be through them, your desire to return to what was normal might be the cause of your body resisting?

[Ole]

stress_head, really feel for you because I also spent a couple of years stressed out of my mind for no obvious reason (healthy baby, happy husband, good work-life balance, etc) but I still had really bad insomnia because of stress.

I found that of all the typical relaxation remedies, reflexology really helped and after an intensive 3 month weekly appointment schedule now I go to sessions ad hoc when I feel the insomnia slippery slope approaching. If anything, for a whole hour I had no phone, no e-mail, no baby, no husband, no nobody to answer to. Bliss.

Edited to say I missed the bit about your father being in intensive care. It sounds like you have had more upheaval than normal. I'd say you definitely need some 'you' time.

[oimissus]

well, if I had financial worries and the illness and death of relatives going on, as well as the usual stuff - children, work - that wouldn't be 'normal' or 'usual' and I would absolutely struggle to cope with life - I think you are downplaying how much you have been/are coping with. And agree that everyone copes differently with things, but honestly, it sounds like there has been a lot of stressful things going on in your life.

[beababies]

So sorry you're experiencing these physical reactions of stress :( sounds like you have loads of stressworthy things happening :( just thought I'd mention having your thyroid tested. I imagine you already did but some of the symptoms you listed coincide with hypothyroidism (unexplained weight gain, depression, brittle hair), it overlaps with iron deficiency symptoms.

I used to have really bad jaw pain with grinding my teeth through stress during university. It was also related to my wisdom teeth though and when I had them out, I stopped grinding. May be worth seeing a dentist?

Best of luck :) I've heard great things about CBT as well :) x

[EmilyPie]

Agree with oimissus, you've had a difficult birth, a small baby, pnd, financial concerns, health issues and a parent in intensive care. I have two small children in a very supportive home and work environment and am often so stressed that I'm gritting my teeth so hard they slip and I bite my tongue. You should be aware of how much you've got going on and give yourself credit for dealing with it. I also think it is very easy to not notice the stress. I can see it in my husband when he charges around the house wound so tight that he is practically vibrating. He can't see it at all and will keep insisting he's fine until he collapses. I'm hopeless at seeing it in myself though. It sounds like you're a coper, which is great and important, but one of the down sides of this can be that you minimise all the stuff that has to be coped with and don't ask for help, even when people would be happy to give it. That's certainly what I do. The stuff the other posters have suggested is definitely worth trying but also just trying to recognise the really significant amount of stuff you've been dealing with and try and give yourself some credit for it and some down time where possible. Good luck. Hope it gets better soon.

[LondonMix]

I sympathise and understand not feeling stressed while being very stressed in reality.

Two things helped me the most:

1 i never used to talk about my problems(little things even). Learning to share more with my friends and husband even if it is trivial was a huge relief.

2. Exercise. I am totally i. Favour of medication and therapy but nothing impacts my personal sense of well being as quickly as regular exercise. Even when I don't realise I am stressed I immediately feel the difference. It burns off the adrenaline...

Good luck!

[stress_head]

Thank you all for your input, it is very useful and has been an eye opener I have to say. I guess there has been a lot going on: traumatic birth and postnatal period, sudden death of my relative who was like a brother to me, a boss who bullied me after my return frm mat leave as well as my father's illness. It IS a lot, I realise that. And perhaps I have developed a minimising approach to some extent.

For me though part of this is "normal" as my father is born with a heart condition so I am brought up with his life being in danger on regular intervals. I have vivid memories from us going to say goodbye to him on several occasions as a child so this is "normal" for me. It never gets any easier mind, we are extremely close.

As I wrote above I am no stranger to anxiety and depression and would recognise those symptoms I am sure. This does sincerely feel very different, which is bewildering. I do feel ok emotionally and the majority of events have passed for now. My dad is stableish, my boss has been relocated after my concerns were finally taken seriously at work.

Knomesters experience has struck a chord with me though, perhaps that is what is going on. I will certainly investigate and explore this further.

Everyone's thoughts are very interesting, thank you for taking the time to respond and to all the lovely PM's as wells. If anyone does have names of professionals you think might be able to help I would be grateful. Conventional pr alternative therapies, willing to give most things ago.

Also - I am determined to get into an excerise routine again, several of the PM's have pointed this out.

[stress_head]

Had results from MRI scan today and the conclusion was arthritis in the jaw. Does anyone have any experience of this? Again am particularly interested in success of alternative therapies as the "conventional" medical route will be taken care of.

Any tips most welcome

[Ellie78]

I haven't closely read all responses so forgive me if I'm repeating.

I would say - it can seem that you are/nt experiencing typical life stress scenarios. But please don't forget the power of timing for one thing. If things happen in a particular order - even if they weren't individually things you'd count as stressful - then they can pull you out of whack.

Personally, I looked at the list you put at the start of your post. You mentioned PTSD and pnd, plus bereavement.....seriously? I mean, yes, people deal with loads. Some people might have had this all before breakfast. But I'd still count stress after the fact as normal under these - very hard- conditions....I think a specialist PTSD counsellor might be worthwhile. I think you might be overestimating what is 'normal' - although obviously you seem a get up and go person..

[treehugger]

Can I recommend acupuncture? Try Giles Davies on 07739 414210. He might well be able to help.

[m bond]

Dear stress head you are not alone honestly

Read full catastrophe living by Jon kabat zinn it's the book that mindfulness based stress reduction is based on. It's about adopting a new philosophy of living.....So much of the stress of modern living is about our minds being distracted about the past or worrying about the future and things that haven't even happened yet, so much so that we very rarely live in the current moment - the only time that exists. Read this book you won't regret it! Pm me if you need more info x

[SE22mum]

as a fellow teeth grinder I feel for you!

I also recognise a lot of what you write about. You are a strong woman, and it's good to be strong especially when life throws you a difficult ball. You are right - it is all part of life.

You seem to have taken the GP's suggestion of stress as if it were a personal failing, but none of us are superhuman (as my husband reminds me when I try to live off 5 hours sleep for months on end ...) We do get tired, our bodies show the signs of wear and tear etc....it is a whole lot better to listen to your body now rather than ignore it and perhaps have something get worse. Maybe it doesn't matter whether or not you feel stressed - your body seems to be feeling it and could do with a bit of a break. Exercise, meditation, relaxation....whatever works for you.

If you do want to explore the emotional side of your stress, I would second all the recommendations for mindfulness meditation. I started with the aim of doing 10 minutes a day....and was shocked when I realised at the end of the first week that I hadn't been able to find those 10 minutes just for me on any day!

good luck with it all

[alimc]

Such a helpful interesting thread. Can anyone recommend a CBT counsellor?

[cornelia]

I contacted this organisation http://www.optimalliving.co.uk/public_html/ and they were very helpful. Perhaps give them a call and if they can't help they may be able to refer you on.

[alimc]

Thanks very much!

[scareyt]

This might be useful for helping you figure out what's going on mentally and emotionally that's behind the physical symptoms. I saw it recommended in a newspaper article about depression a while ago and its basically an online CBT programme developed by the University of Austrailia that's free for anyone to use. It's a bit slow to get going but I found the "warpy thoughts quiz" very enlightening and wonder if it might help you too - it identifies the ways that you might think about a situation that could cause problems which can be hugely helpful in itself.

http://www.bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a111.htm

ETA another link directly into the MoodGym starting page https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome