Fear of dogs

[snowboarder]

Hi - I need some advice! I have a 5 yr old son who is completely terrified of dogs. He's never been attacked or bitten so it has no basis really. We've talked about it and he understands that it's irrational. I talk about my pet dogs that I had as a child and how I loved them and they were my friends, and we talk about how silly dogs are and how they just want to play, and don't understand how big and bouncy they are. We also have family with a (rather unfortunately large) dog who we visit...with dismal results. He absolutely cannot control his fear - we did have a coping strategy whereby he would stand stock still and wait for a grown up to help him, but he can't do even that atm - and had complete hysterics when approached by a jumping puppy yesterday at the park. Dog owners are a bit unhelpful as they cheerfully insist the dog is friendly (well, good - I wouldn't expect it to be off a lead if it wasn't!) and try to get him to stroke them - causing more hysteria.

I know lots of kids are scared of dogs but this seems to becoming a full on phobia. He's not keen on other animals (including our cat!) but generally they are not as present and uncontrolled as dogs so can be dealt with. What to do as it's almost becoming debilitating at parks and beaches etc - a dog experience completely ruins his day!

[lenster]

A friend of ours had a similar situation with their 7 year old son. They came to visit us at a time that we were fostering dogs and it was really difficult for the son to come into our house even with the dog in another room. At the time we were looking after a very sweet, gentle dog who was quite good on a lead so we decided to see if a walk to the park would help. Once there we asked him if he'd like to hold the lead, with us, and he agreed.

It was amazing, just that small amount of control helped him no end and by the end of the visit he was rolling around the floor with the dog. I think he's still wary of dogs when out, but at least he doesn't run screaming when he sees them now. Not sure if that's any help at all, but worked for our friend. Good luck.

[Mustard]

My nephew was petrified of dogs when younger, no basis either, and he grew out of it. His family got a rescue dog when he was about 7. I was with him once when a dog came near us, and he screamed and grabbed me. He was about 4 then.

[MummaB]

Oh Snowboarder - I know exactly what you are going through.

My son was the same but is now at 8 years old finally much better - I never thought we would get to this point.

I grew up with animals and loved them - I could never understand why he was scared of animals and especially dogs. Come think of it, he never really liked animal stuffed toys.

Anyway he has always been absolutely terrified of dogs, just as you describe your son. I also found it very unhelpful when dog owners would say 'he won't bite, he's a friendly dog'.....I know they meant well but it meant nothing to my son. Actually the worst would be a friendly, happy dog pouncing over wanting to say hello, even the small ones, even puppies. Seeing my sweet, sociable, happy boy being so scared has been heartbreaking and stressful. A lot of people we know back home, family and friends have dogs and I did feel it got quite difficult to visit people unless their dogs were locked in another room. He even used to ask me about his and especially new friends (before play dates)if they had pets. At one point I considered checking for some kind of doggy fear therapy as it was really affecting him.

Anyway the turning point for us (similar to lenster's post).....was visiting friends back home with 3 kids and a very calm, gentle medium size dog (who just ignored him but was happy to go for a walk in the garden on the lead). The first time he held the lead and stroked the dog I nearly cried! He also went for a playdate with a friend from school who again has a very calm dog who will largely ignore guests except a gentle welcome when you arrive. The dad knew my son was scared, so he spent the afternoon gently encouraging contact between my son and their dog i.e. sitting in the garden and even helping him giving her a wash. When I came to pick him up he was in the garden with the dog playing fetch and even being able to remove the ball gently from the dog's mouth! I couldn't believe my eyes!

I was always so worried that a dog would come running towards my son outside and he would run into the road to get away, not thinking and get run over by a car! I don't think we will ever get a dog so that was not my main aim in trying to get him over his fear (though he is now obsessed with sausage dogs and claims he really wants one)....however things are so much easier. He is still cautious about dogs but that's not a bad thing - the overall change is just unbelievable!

I hope as your son gets older, he will overcome his fears.....do think about a gentle, calm, (old maybe?) dog he can spend some time with - not sure where you find one of those but my fingers are crossed for you.

Good luck!

[uncleglen]

My son was very afraid of strangers' dogs when he was small. He was familiar with a friend's yorkshire terrier and my brother's Doberman with no problems. We were walking to school one day when a cocker spaniel ran out of a front garden and he panicked and ran into the road- luckily there were speed humps in the road and the traffic was slow. All I can say is that dog owners should be aware that small children can be very afraid of dogs if they are not used to them-(remember, sizewise, it is comparable to an adult being confronted by a large ferocious animal!) and keep them restrained. My son did literally grow out of his fear.

[newtoedf]

Uncleglen that sounds horrific. My 3.5 yo was terrified of dogs until recently. It was quite difficult just going for a walk at times. Although I had a dog as a child it seems to me quite sensible to be scared of something as big as you (if not bigger) with huge teeth which is trying to get close to you! He is fine now with his grandma's new dog despite being terrified at first and interestingly it was the same thing that Lenster and MammaB mentioned that seemed to do the trick. We took the dog for a walk around the house on the lead, at first with me controlling the lead and him just holding the handle but like Lenster, it did seem to be the sense of control that made all the difference.