Strangers interfering in baby crying on bus.

[ukdealguide]

So me and my husband took the bus today together with our 15 month old boy.

Our boy was getting sleepy and normally i breastfeed him to sleep but we are in the process of weening him off the boob.

So he got sad and started to cry, we where sitting in front of him so he could see us at all time i put my hand on his lab to calm him, that just made him more angry so my husband said to look away and not have eye contact with him, we tried that it worked for a bit, but then he go angry again. Now my son is a stubborn little one with quite a temper, usually get what he wants so to get him into a new mindset of not feeding on the boob would be quit traumatic for him (probably also sounded like that)

This older woman who was getting off came up to us asking us why we where not picking him up, my husband told her what we where doing when 2 younger women at the back started interfering and yelling we where actually being verbally attacked from all sides, my husband told me to ignore it and he just had to yell at everybody to mind there own business. I was so upset when leaving the bus. I think it is good that people don't turn a blind eye if they see something that is not right, but interfering in this is just unbelievable. We are just parents that are trying to figure out the best way for our son to stop breastfeeding.

Has anybody had similar experience they would like to share?

[Pickle]

I've seen it happen before, yes, many times.

Personally, while I completely see where you're coming from, I wouldn't do that on a bus. Could you have given him a beaker of milk? Or used a snack or toy to distract him until you were off the bus? I use buses a lot with my kids, and do my best to keep them happy and quiet, out of respect for other people.

[Pickle]

That said, it's totally out of order for people to have verbally attacked you, that's a horrible situation and I can imagine it would leave you feeling pretty upset :(

[Convex]

Sorry you are upset.

My stock response is 'it's fine, he is just tired/hungry/hot, we will be home soon'

I've never had a very aggro experience like this though.

[oimissus]

sounds horrible, but agree with Pickle, I don't think the bus is the place for this kind of thing.

[srisky]

I feel for you, it's awful to have your parenting judged and I think we have all (if we are honest) made a snap judgement esp pre-kids. That said, to be verbally attacked, is harsh. They obviously have got it very wrong in this instance but I think you are right to focus on the fact that they didn't turn a blind eye to a child who may sound like he was having a 'traumatic' experience. Probably not the best way to handle it if they genuinely thought the child was being traumatised!

[ukdealguide]

I completely hear you but he was having non of it as he was tired, which only means one thing in his eyes.

Unfortunately he does not take a beaker, i guess we where just scare of breaking the routine as we have been working so hard on it day and night.

I guess it was just one of days.

Thanks for your message :)

[verds]

Aw, that's horrible - you know what's best for your baby! Mine loves to kick off on the bus and once she gets going no amount of distraction, patting, shushing, snacks or toys work so if I need to get somewhere I just have to grit my teeth. I do end up saying things like: "Nearly hooooome" which makes no difference at all to her but makes other nosy passengers feel better.

[Convex]

I do remember one trip where I was handing out snacks, toys etc and getting increasingly frantic as my stocks ran out... Felt like a ticking time bomb!

Thankfully only a few stops left when the tantrum erupted meaning a minimum of noise for others and he was exhausted and asleep by the time we got home.

It is so hard to have the stress of other peoples judgement on top of what you are already dealing with ie the actual kid.

Anyway, chalk it up to experience and good luck with getting the feeding to where you want it! I'm glad you werent on your own!

[Cheryl_M]

This makes me so mad! I really feel for you and I know I would have felt upset with people interfering. People seem to forget we were all kids at one point in our life!

[Saffron]

It isn't just people interfering with parents/children either. Strangers sometimes feel the need to make any manor of remark to anyone, just because they're on public transport together! Honestly, some people's social IQs are pretty low.

That's a rubbish experience UKDG, though I think you have some really good advice on this thread, mainly along the lines ignoring people's stupid statements on the bus. I would go a step further to add don't feel pressured to explain yourself (especially to strangers on a bus). Mary Poppins never did:

George: Just a moment, Mary Poppins. What is the meaning of this outrage?

Mary Poppins: I beg your pardon?

George: Will you be good enough to explain all this?

Mary Poppins: First of all I would like to make one thing quite clear.

George: Yes?

Mary Poppins: I never explain anything.

[Otta]

People have no right verbally abusing you!

I must admit though, I have WANTED to scream "just pick the child up" at people before now, but this tends to be people that are just chatting with their mate on on their phone whilst their child is screaming.

[LondonMix]

Its tough. I understand you were doing what was best for your family. However, it can be very distressing for strangers to hear a child cry without context -- that's human nature as we are built to respond to the sound of a child in distress.

If it makes you feel any better, know that their intentions were probably noble even though they were entirely out of order.

Like Otta, sometimes I feel really distressed and almost want to pick up the baby myself (just deep instinctual reaction) but I know the situation is likely to be more complicated than it appears from the outside and so never actually do or say anything.

[vanthorne]

I had the experience on a long haul flight from Australia...which was awful as the tutting old folks in front of us were doing just that until thankfully they changed at refuelling.

Our 5 year old was over tired...it was a delayed flight meant to live at 9pm and didn't leave until 10.30 ..of course we had fed her already so she wasn't hungry but she was so dreadfully over tired after all the excitement of boarding the plane and seeing everyone off. The old fogies turned around after my little one was crying as we were trying to get her off to sleep and they said 'she needs a bl**dy good smack'...we felt like smacking the folk in front I can tell you.

I said you can move if the noise is bothering you and they said we paid a lot of money for these seats (they had extra leg room special seat in front of us) and they were not moving...and grumbled and turned around and hissed under their breath the whole time she was crying...which was probably for about 30 mins perhaps. Unbelievably 16 hours (or whatever it was to stop off) later when they got off they had the hide to tell us as they got up from their seats that they brought up 3 kids and lots of grandchildren and said 'good luck' with our child and told us she was spoilt. Absolutely disgusting...we didn't get angry with our daughter and were consoling her in the way we thought she needed and that is our way and I won't be told to smack my child by another parent ever...

I don't normally write on these threads but it just reminded me your story about the bus that it can happen anywhere in any public situation with just about any age children when people poke their nose in and think they know better...just awful. All the best- hang in there.

[Otta]

If anyone said "she needs a bl**dy good smack" to me about my daughter I wouldn't be able to stop myself from telling them to fuck right off!

[wonderwoman]

We've been in situations with our kids having tantrums or been inconsolable in public places so really feel for you. I tend to agree however that being on bus is difficult to deal with, and I usually try to distract them with a reward if they manage to behave. V.different of course if the child is not able to understand that or is too young to negotiate with. Opinionated members of the general public also do nothing to help parents who are already probably quite stressed. I remember my mum used to always have a treat in her bag or a knack of distracting crying children which was helpful on buses one time she gave a child a banana (with consent of parent/s of course)which shocked the child actually and stopped them instantaneously. That sort of interference I would gladly welcome. Back in our home country I find people tend to readily step in to assist rather than scold which is really unhelpful.

[Saffron]

Otta Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> If anyone said "she needs a bl**dy good smack" to

> me about my daughter I wouldn't be able to stop

> myself from telling them to @#$%& right off!

Or how about buy them a drink with a note on the bottom, telling them in exactly what style they can f*** off:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/rachelzarrell/this-epic-note-passing-war-on-a-delayed-flight-wins-thanksgi

[Belle]

We've had a couple of horrible people on flights and trains. Almost identical to you Vanthorne. On the train, we got a lot of 'we thought this was the quiet coach ' (it wasn't) - that was re my then 1 yr old who we were very careful to remove from the carriage whenever he got too noisy. I had someone move on a flight which I think is the pragmatic approach rather than the passive aggressive way! On a flight to Edin, I think it was our youngest who cried a fair bit (he was getting ill, nothing we could do though we clearly tried everything) and a passenger turned on his phone the MINUTE we landed, made a call and stood literally next to my then 4 yr old and 18mth old saying "these f***ing kids on the plane, parents can't f***ing control them etc". He had clearly no idea that as a grown adult swearing away in front of a 2 young kids his behaviour was far more out of order than any of theirs had been! Very sweetly the airline staff all made a point of saying our kids had done really well and to ignore him etc...

I also overheard someone complaining about a crying child on a flight I was on recently (without my own children) - he was saying it was all the parents' fault blah blah. I just really wanted to have a go at him! The child in question was clearly just overtired/possibly had sore ears on landing - it really wasn't being naughty or out of control.

[Belle]

That said, we've also had many many lovely strangers who have gone out of their way to entertain my kids, which I would never expect - and I don't think they'll realise how eternally grateful I am!

[Opal_fruits]

Usually a lot of the idiots commenting and giving unwanted views don't have children, I've been in this situation a few times I can remember one lady in particular I was telling my daughter off for something she must have been about 7 a lady approached and said you shouldn't reprimand her like that, my answer was, do you have children? When she said no, I said exactly so mind your own business and go away, only parents who have had children that aren't angels understand, take no notice, they just aren't worth it, my girls are now 16 and 21 and I'm a Nanna so chin up it will get better x.

[LondonMix]

Crying is fine. I only get annoyed on flights when parents let the kids kick the back of the chair or allow older children (4+) to talk as loudly as you'd expect on a playground. Whatever happened to inside voices! I never here anyone say that but me...

[Monkey]

Don't worry - it happens. People opine, sometimes politely, sometimes not.I once had someone roll their eyes because my one and a half year old was staring at their sandwich. Whatever!

[canela]

argghh! think surely part of it is just London stress?

I brought up 2 little kids in Spain, and my eldest was fond of the odd melt-down. I can honestly say that I never ONCE had a stranger tutting or interfering or doing anything other than smile and me and give me words of encouragement, as in it's hard, don't worry, hang in there....etc

People here are so judgemental, it's crazy.

[Belle]

the kicking the back of seat thing I can totally understand is VERY annoying. Trouble is the size of most e.g 3/4 yr olds is such that their feet kind of land there and I've noticed my son doing it without even noticing, meaning I spend most flights hissing "FEET" at him every minute.

Canela - that's been my experience of people in Spain towards children too, and also Portugal/Madeira. Makes holidays there really enjoyable.

[vanthorne]

it's good to hear that it's just not us on flights...my husband said he had to really restrain himself from telling the folk in front to F**k off when they told us to smack our child. As for the feet in seats...yep a 5 year old feet will reach the seat in front if they are having a good wriggle when upset.

When we all got up to leave at the end of the flight and just after the old couple had left I had two mums come up to me and say 'I think you dealt with that really well...' I was on your side...that kind of thing...which was nice...I suppose they just didn't want to get involved before hand...especially being in cramped conditions all the way to Dubai from Sydney which is a fair stretch.

I don't think we could have dealt with it any better or differently...I think there will always be cantankerous folk that think they know better than you- such is life.