any advice on starting a toddler in nursery with new baby arriving soon?

[helenac]

Hi, I'd really love some advice from parents with experience settling a toddler into nursery when expecting a new baby. We'd like our son to start pre-school not long after he turns two. Our second baby is due two months later. He's never been in childcare before and is quite shy. But we're hoping pre-school will help keep him happily occupied and give him space away from the baby, as well as making my life a bit easier.

Any thoughts? Is it too ambitious to expect him to adjust to two big new things in the course of two months? Might it be better to start pre-school a few months after the new baby arrives? Does anyone have experience that would help us think about this? I really don't know what is best for him!

Thanks in advance,

Helena

[buggie]

Think it would definitely be easier to settle him in nursery before the baby arrives & think 8wks would

be a fair timescale. It will also mean you have chance to nap/catch-up with yourself in the first few weeks.

Would discuss with the nursery too, as they'll have had children be becoming big brothers/sisters & will advise/help.

At our daughter's nursery, she got a backpack with a baby doll, nappies & clothes and a story about becoming a big sister to bring home for a few wks before our son arrived - was a lovely thing to do & she played with it lots/ read the story nightly :-)

[srisky]

I think only time will tell whether you made the right choice (the joys of parenting!) but IMO settle him in preschool before #2 arrives, so he doesn't associate baby's arrival with him being left at a strange place by you. It will also hopefully help you just concentrate on baby and yourself while he's away rather than worrying about him separating & settling. No doubt someone else will have a different opinion, which is the advantage of posting here! Good luck!

ETA: see if you can take him to visit a couple of times before he starts and meet his prospective teacher so you can talk to him about it and make the whole settling process easier.

[jennyh]

I moved my daughter from an old nursery (where she had been for nearly 2 years) to a new one a couple of months after my son was born. I really thought that as a sociable child with lots of nursery experience she would really take it in her stride but I was a bit naive in retrospect. She settled well enough but found the change hard with lots of questions about why she wasn't with her old friends. She had lots of tears for some time and at one point was saying that she had no friends and broke down in then middle of the night saying I was sending her away. Not saying this to frighten you, just that they can be so complex and I think it's hard to see everything that is going on. We had lots of associated behaviour after her brother was born, playing up for attention, regressing to baby like habits, wetting herself etc despite being very happy on the surface. I think that you would be best to settle him early and allow yourself the time to nourish him in the change, to really allow him to communicate with you one-on-one and indulge his emotions a bit. In our experience the arrival of the second baby has definitely impacted upon the time my daughter has to express herself and be looked after as she was always used to. As srisky says, you don't want him seeing nursery as some sort of punishment or association with the new baby. My daughter was very sad that she was being packed off to nursery as I think she thought that me and her brother went off to the park etc and had a lovely time but she wasn't invited. I now tell a white lie that he is going to nursery and I am going to work and she is a lot happier now.

Best of luck with it all, it's a challenging time but ultimately a sibling is a wonderful thing to have and a nursery environment will eventually be a great place for him to learn and grow alongside his time at home. Just a lot of juggling!!!

[Tickle1978]

We are having the same dilemma! We have put our little boys name down on a couple of nurseries no more than a fifteen minute walk away with a start date of around 6 weeks before the due date of no 2, whether a space becomes available as he won't yet be 2 is another question but we have flexibility and fundamentally don't know what it will be like until no2 is here!

Interestingly I was talking to a Mum last week who's babies were around 2 years apart and she said she found it more stressful getting the 2 year old to/from the nursery than the toddler being at home with them, so took him out in the end as she felt she had a routine with the two of them at home.

Only time will tell, we'll play it by ear!

[missyelliott]

I have just started my 22 month old in nursery and baby number 2 is due in 2 weeks time. We did what to settle her in earlier but availability and money was an issue. So far so good. She is only going 2 days a week but is settling well. Yes we have a few tears at drop off's and she isn't actually napping there yet (still naps at home) but it doesn't seem to be effecting the other days of the week too much. Nursery also say she is very content there. She has never been in childcare before now.

I agree with Tickle that I think the drop off's will be tricky with a baby but I think that she will get so much more out of being there for two days than me being pre-ocupied/ tied to a baby for 2 days a week.

It may all go pear shaped once the baby arrives but I am happy with my decision so far

Hope that helps

Feel free to ask me next month!

x

[newboots]

My daughter, who was 2 years 8 months at the time, started at Gumboots about a week before our second child was born. She did two short days 10-4 (it was in the old days of Gumboots, when they still had funny hours) per week. I'll be honest and say that it didn't really occur to me that I shouldn't inflict this big change on her when a new baby was about to arrive. She had been on the waiting list and a place came up and that was the timing, so she went then.

She was absolutely fine, made a few good friends, took to nursery like a duck to water. And it gave me a couple of less insane days at home with the newborn, too.

She stayed there for exactly one year until she started school nursery 5 morning a week.

[canela]

think it really depends on the child. I?d trust your instincts on this one. And definately not expect too much from your older child. Even if he seems to be fine at pre-school you might find he lets out his stress at home.

I did this, and to be honest in retrospect I wish I hadn?t. The theory was that I would have more time for baby etc, but the reality of the daily routine to and from nursery with baby in tow, plus a toddler who was over-tired and a bit grumpy in the afternoon and needing a lot of attention was not worth it. Everyone kept telling me to keep with it, so I did, but it never really worked. my older child was shy and nursery was difficult enough, without additional change and sharing mummy.

but i do think it completely depends on the child.

[echo]

Perhaps think about having a p/t mothers help/live out au pair type person. I had a student helping me in a couple 3 hour sessions per week ( I would have had more!) to help with housework, play with toddler, take to park, hold baby whilst going to toilet type of thing. I found that type of support great, especially as my family don't live in London, partner works long hours etc etc...

[snowboarder]

We started our elder son at presch 3 mornings a week 8 weeks after his younger brother arrived (basically as soon as he turned 2!). It was fine, by 8 wks we had all got used to the new baby, older son enjoyed the time out and our 'free' mornings were lovely. Pick up and drop off were a bit of a pain but we had an awesome cleaner who came 2 mornings a week who looked after the (sleeping) baby for me whilst I dropped off. It worked for all of us especially as they both got older - def recommend and don't overthink it too much :-)