Help... secondary school dilemmas - again!

[HannahSE23]

Hi I know this has been asked a hundred times before but I have a very sensitive boy due to start secondary school and I'm worried about the choices. It's the same old story - too far from Charter, Kingsdale is a lottery, Harris is single sex and my son prefers the company of girls etc etc...

Could anyone who has boys in secondary school please let me know what they put down as their choices, where they ended up and if they're happy? Honest answers gratefully received...

Many many thanks!

[littlek1cker]

Hi hoonaloona,

I can't help I'm afraid as my kids are a bit younger but I do feel for you. I fear that we will be in the same situation a few years down the line. I guess the fact that your post has had so many views but no replies is indicative of the fact that there isn't really any easy solution around here with all the single sex schools (the Harris ones and the Sydenham schools too). I hope you find a school your son can be happy in.

[ninbi]

Have you considered the local independent schools where class sizes are smaller?

[Lindsey<3]

Bacons college is a good mixed school in Rotherhithe and st Michaels in bermondsey is a mixed school too. X

[HannahSE23]

Thanks for the replies so far. Sadly ninbi we're not in a position to afford an independent school.

If anyone else has any experiences, good or bad, please let me know - by PM if you prefer.

Thanks!

[Mrs TP]

I know you said mixed but I know quite a few people who have loved Forest Hill Boys especially for gentler boys and there are plenty of them out there.

Deptford Green is a mixed school that has been gaining in popularity in recent years.

I have girls but have been through the whole horrid secondary school debacle for the eldest. Having come through the other side I promise secondary school is not so terrible and all survive. Somehow they migrate towards a bunch of kids with similar interests to themselves and get on with it perhaps with the odd hiccough along the way but such is life :)

[HannahSE23]

Thanks Mrs TP. I've also had a couple of positive pm' s about deptford green and fh boys. Appreciate your reply!

[Curmudgeon]

I have to say the concept of choice is really a misnomer, that said I don't envy you the angst of selection for that silly form

I have a shy boy at Kingsdale and have been delighted with the school, its pastoral care as well as academic opportunities. He's still shy but has a good group of friends and lots of extra curricular opportunities. Yes the lottery admission is not great.

We will be choosing for my daughter next year, and I think Sydenham will be a good fit for her but am happy to have Kingsdale as a fallback position

[souc1a]

I used to work at Bacon's College. I would be happy to answer any questions via PM. In brief, I'd be quite happy to send my own children there, but to my knowledge it'd be very unlikely that an ED child would get a place there under the general admissions criteria.

[lastminute.mum]

We were lucky enough to get a place at Kingsdale starting in September (which was our son's first choice), but we all really liked Forest Hill Boys' School too and would have been happy to have been offered a place there. We also prefer mixed gender schools, but Forest Hill is a performing arts specialist school; all the boys do dance and drama and don't give the impression they think it's uncool [at Kingsdale the girls do dance while the boys do rugby :-( ]. In fact the headmaster said it has improved their communication skills. Plus the sixth form is mixed (with Sydenham Girls school).

I'd definitely recommend going to have a look.

[HannahSE23]

Thanks for your reply. I very much like the sound of FH Boys - but I think it's getting rather popular and I do know of two people who didn't get in this year! I'm wondering if they'll do bulge years for secondary schools!

[newboots]

Hoona - I understand your worry. I live outside Charter's miniscule catchment and my son does not have the sort of SEN that would put him at the top of their list of criteria after looked-after children. He has expressed very strongly his desire to go to a co-educational school and just cannot get his head round why some of his friends who live nearby will be able to go (due to older siblings already being there). It will be the same with some of his friends going to Kingsdale too (the lottery does not apply to siblings, strangely).

I am going to put Kingsdale on the form but in my experience the chances of getting a place are very slim, so I think in the end he will go to Forest Hill Boys. His sister is at Sydenham Girls (now in Y8) and it has been an excellent school for her. All I can do is cross my fingers that FHB is as good Sydenham Girls!

As far as I know there aren't any other realistic state options for East Dulwich, apart from Harris Boys.

[heber jumble queen]

As someone with 2 sons at Harris Boys, I have to say I'm not at all comfortable with the phrase 'FH boys suitable for Gentler boys' ... Meaning?? All the rough ones end up at HBAED?

[EDmummy]

I with you Heber Jumble Queen. My shy, anxious son has blossomed at Harris Boys. I also know shy boys who are doing well at FHB and Kingsdale. My son suits not having the pressure of girls around (his Charter friends were pressured into having 'girlfriends' in yr7).

[HannahSE23]

Heber jumble queen I don't think that message was meant as a direct comparison between the two schools...

I would appreciate all feedback about HBED as so far there hasn't been any! What is it like for shy quiet boys? Especially in regard to it being single sex? Pastoral care etc? Many thanks!

[heber jumble queen]

Well it very much sounded like a comparison and it does raise my hackles because this is such an emotive area, and people are very quick and keen to make judgements about schools that they know virtually nothing about - in my experience the reputation of schools so easily rise and fall on the basis of a few Chinese whispers...

Ok so my experience was there is no choice, as Curmudgeon has said - the whole process was pointless, and our only offer was HBAED. I didn't want a single sex school, but when there is no other option you have to get on with it.

However I have been pretty impressed. One of my sons has Aspergers, and the support he has received has worked very well for him - certainly much better than primary school, and in particular they have been very responsive to some of his anxieties / obsessions. You generally don't know much about what goes on at secondary school, but both of my sons seem motivated, and while I wouldn't say they love school, I don't hear them complaining and they get up and out every morning without seeming unhappy or anxious, which is as much as you can hope for with 13 yr old boys! And yes, they also do dance and drama. While I feel sad they do not mix regularly with girls, certainly one of my boys is not at all bothered and says he prefers a boys school.

[EDmummy]

Also a HBAED parent and my shy and very self conscious son has a lot of support and pastoral care to help him deal with his anxieties. I found them incredibly supportive. Our son has made some very good friends (none of his close friends from primary joined him at the school) and we've met some terrific supportive parents who are keen on the school developing into a first choice school. I would definitely recommend making an appointment to talk to the Deputy Head, Mr Groves, if possible, to discuss your concerns about your child. They are very open to speaking to parents and prospective parents (we even took our son on a personal tour prior to joining the school so he could familiarise himself with the environment). Being a girl free environment has been a positive for our shy and anxious son.

[HannahSE23]

Thanks EDmummy and heber jumble queen. Good to hear all the positives about HBAED. Will make an appointment and take a tour!

[optimum]

We went through the process of visiting secondary schools a couple of years ago. We wanted a school for our son that was not too large, had good pastoral support, an attractive environment and above all teachers who were enthusiastic about their subject - so an extensive list! We visited schools in Southwark (where we live)and Lewisham. Originally we wanted a mixed school but then that became less important. What we found when we attended Open Days was that most schools were fine and that none were a perfect match.

In the end we placed HBAED at the top of our list. Our son was very happy with this. He has some lovely friends at HBAED, is doing really well academically and has positive relationships with many members of staff. Communication with the Academy is good and teachers reply to any email queries promptly. He has a short journey and so there is plenty of time for him to do activities after school.

The new Principal has introduced a rewards system which I think most of the boys have bought into. Our son does not seem to miss having girls in lessons. I think he benefits from the space to grow into a young man rather than spending time worrying about what girls might think of him.

Different schools suit different children and so it's tough to make recommendations to others. However I struggle sometimes with the concept that schools farther away may be better. If we had greater confidence in our local schools and got involved I'm sure that they would become even more successful.

[bawdy-nan]

What brilliant and reassuring posts. Thank you so much for sharing your views.

[Jessie]

Seconding Bawdy-Nan - thank you all

[HannahSE23]

optimum Wrote:

----------------------------------------------------- If we had

> greater confidence in our local schools and got

> involved I'm sure that they would become even more

> successful.

This makes huge sense to me!

[vgrant]

Remember that the first option you are given is not a fait accompli.

Places come up at Kingsdale right through the summer and into the first time.

I know of a couple of ED children who changed school at October half-term and Chirstmas and have settled into the school really well. Pastorially it is brilliant.

if it is Kingsdale you want, just go for it and keep pestering that waiting list until you get in. It will happen.

[Medusa]

^ Don't bank on it. I had three children on the waiting list and one was only 4th at the end of the summer term but ten months later, none of them had got in. Other kids, one of whim was 100th on the waiting list, did, however. Make of that what you will. I was told it was just a result of regular list shuffling.

[hpsaucey]

HI there - hoping to resurrect this post slightly. My son is currently year 5 and has Aspergers. We're on the east side of Peckham Rye COMmon. I'd be really grateful and interested to hear any more on how people have found these schools if your children are there/ any other advice about schools where your ASD children flourish/ any other sources of ASD-focussed advice for the schools in the area. Like many of you (I suspect) we have no statement despite my son's Aspergers diagnosis, although I was wondering if it might be worth trying to get one still. I'm starting to get very twitchy about the whole secondary school transition.

Any help very much appreciated!

HP