How many nights have you left your little ones for?

[verds]

In need of reassurance or maybe a little 'Pull yourself together'...

I'm off to drive my parents back from France because my dad's just been in hospital. I think I'll be gone for 3 or 4 nights and I can't bear the thought of how I'll feel without seeing the crazyfaces of my two children (5 and 2) in the mornings.

(I once left the eldest for 2 nights and never did manage to get in the mini-break spirit!)

How long have you left yours for and how did it go?

[Belle]

Awww.

I think I'm a bit of a mean mummy because I don't mind leaving them at all! Well that's not quite true but I do it quite happily. Let me see... have had a number of one nighters away from both of them. Then have had 2 birthday weekends (2 nights each) away from them. And have twice been away for 3 nights (with my mum, so leaving them with my husband - which is a different feeling somehow than when we leave them with grandparent) to see my brother who lives abroad. It went really well each time. I thought about them of course but it was just so refreshing to have time off, and of course it meant I was full of the joys when we were reunited! I would say that it's oddly slightly harder now they are older, I suppose they are their own little people know and you notice the absence of what they'd do in a certain situation etc (mine are the same age as yours).

Each time, my oldest was very excited to see me/us on return, youngest was oblivious! From what I've been told they have been absolutely fine and not upset.

Will you get much of a break while you are away? As I guess that's what made it so appealing to me!

[verds]

Thank you - that's so good to hear!

I must admit I'm looking forward to the solo Eurostar journey where I can read the whole paper, plus the hour and a half I have to change stations in Paris. There may also be one day where I get to chat to my parents in their garden without having to keep an eye on anyone... yesssss.

[EDmummy]

Just do it - you'll all get through it and over it before too long. Of course you'll both miss each other but stay up beat with them when you get in contact (we always call when we know they're up in the morning and again in the evening before bed as well as telling them they can ring any time with anything). All the best and glad to hear your Dad is up to travelling back home.

[Pickle]

I have had quite a few occasions away from my 3 - including 8 nights when I flew to NZ alone for a funeral (horrible circumstances, but oh my how I enjoyed those flights!), two separate times (3 days the first time, a week the second) when hubby took them to stay with his parents in Scotland, recently 2 nights when hubby and I were away for his 40th, and the odd night here and there over my 7.5 years of parenting.

I miss them, but not to the extent that I spend every minute thinking about them. It's SUCH a treat to have evenings and mornings without children and their demands! I'm already planning my next child-free weekend :)

[canela]

4 nights and it was fine. i think it all depends on who you leave them with? if you know they are well looked after you can go with a clear heart.

[Lacey]

I've just been away for 11 nights for work. We did FaceTime every day which made a huge difference. Tho I'm not sure the 3 year old really noticed I'd gone.

[northdulmum]

I go away with work approx. once every 2 months for 3-4 nights for work. I hate the run up to leaving. I miss them before I've gone. But once I'm out of the door and on the plane etc, I'm busy and know they're in good hands. Time flies and then I'm home. It's the run up to leaving them that's hard. Not the rest.

[SBot]

Just returned from Cyprus, a friend got married over there. I left my 4 year old (just turned 4 on Sunday), left her for a whole week. I thought I would struggle being away but actually had an amazing time. It really felt like a break away. Comforting that she was with my parents so I had no worries at all.

They've offered to have her again so......

Previous to that we left her for 2 nights, she had just turned 2. She was fine and again if you know they are in good hands it's more relaxing. It's good for the children too.

Sarah x

[Belle]

Just to add, I haven't spoken to mine while I've been away, but have kept in touch with my husband/mum/mum in law for updates. That's just us, and I know lots of people skype/facetime their kids when they're away. The last time I went away with my mum, it turned out (found out on return) that my oldest had had a tummy bug - my husband thoughtfully didn't share this with me as he knew I'd just worry (and not be able to do anything!). My son was fine, but I was grateful to have been kept in the dark!

[bonacara]

My little one is 4 and a real mommy's boy, we never spent more than 8 hours without each other, until last month when I left him with the grandparents for 7 sleeps. He was great and really enjoyed himself. So much that he didnt even want to phone or skype! I was very surprised how well he took it and its great to know he can be so confident being away from his parents, especially as he is to start school in September.

[sb]

.

[hellosailor]

We're going away together for the first time without our kids (3 and coming up to 1) for a weekend wedding abroad soon and I was wondering, is it better just to get updates or to actually talk on the phone / FaceTime etc? I guess it depends on the child (thinking of my daughter here as hoping my son is too young to mind too much) but not sure whether it will make her miss us more or less if we check in with her while away, any advice?

[Yak]

It's very personal decision hs but one thing I have learned is that you have to manage your own emotions as well as those of your children during that call. So it's a no for me for short trips away (say 2/3 nights).

[pebbles]

We've done quite a few weekends away for weddings etc and have done two 5 nights away when MrP and I went away on holiday.

We don't talk/facetime the kids (now 6 and 4) as when we have in the past they got upset seeing us/speaking to us however now that we don't speak to them they're happy as larry. Both my Mummy and Father in Law who have taken it in turns to do the looking after send an email in the evening with the days activities and photos so that we can check in and see how much fun they're having (to ease our guilt).

I know it's not under the best circumstances but go and try and enjoy your time without them. No matter how much we love our children I think it's so important to still have "me and us" time.

*sb* - I love that your parents did an annual holiday on their own :)

[astrid83]

I would love some time away, and a night away with my husband especially. But we have no family that can help, no grand parents in the UK - boo! :(

[canela]

I also find it better not to talk/FaceTime etc as then they remember you are not there and it seems to break the spell of where they are. Especially for the little one - the older one now likes to do the odd text or very quick call.

I also recommend not checking in with whoever is looking after them unless - like Belle's husband - they will only give you a good report. The rule I have with my Mum is, she only calls me if it is urgent and I really need to know. Otherwise, what is the point of you being far away and knowing that the kids are having a meltdown over tea. If you are away for a few days they are bound to have ups and downs - as they do when you are there - but no point you knowing about it when you can't step in! So the rule is, no news is good news.

Don't ring up and tell your kids you miss them unless you know it won't make them suddenly remember they miss you!

[verds]

Thanks - I need a 'Like' button for all your posts. They're making me feel much more calm. That and the fact that I've bought a mini-prossecco for the train!

[SBot]

Just to add, I didn't talk/FaceTime at all, just emails between me and my mum. She still doesn't know that we went on holiday.........

[Pickle]

I Facetimed once when I was in NZ, and it caused my youngest (then 15/16 months) to throw a massive tantrum anytime someone touched the iPad :)

We generally don't do it, but do keep in touch with whatever adult has the children (apart from our most recent trip, this was my husband). That said, when we were away as a couple last month we tried ringing my mother in law, but she isn't up with the "mobile phones are designed to be switched on all the time" school of thought, and left it off all weekend. They didn't answer the landline either!

[CFM]

I travel for work for long periods (2 weeks) in remote places, and have left my (then 2) young children behind with my husband and mum for backup. It is tough but necessary for work and yes, I do enjoy long haul flights like I never thought I would. Makes a difference to leave them with parent plus backup, rather than just one parent (who, erm, may not be that used to managing alone). If you leave all the practical stuff sorted (clothes, presents for any parties, food shop, pre-cooked meals you can freeze or leave in the fridge), that makes it miles easier as there are lots of small things you do that your other half probably doesn't even realise.

[CFM]

I should add the children had a great time, having been allowed to do all sorts of things plus the novelty of granny running the show!

[sylviamaria]

Having read this thread I d like to ask what age you were happy to leave your little one? We have left our first 3or 4 times now for one or two nights. We 've since had another and have been invited to a wedding abroad when she'll be 8 months old. We 've booked to go away and have grandparents looking after both, but my mother in law is saying that baby is too young. I felt happy with it all till now, but I'm having second thoughts! I d love a little break with hubby and I dint want to miss our friends wedding (taking the kids would be too expensive).

[canela]

i think at 8 months your baby is either free or has a minimum charge on a flight, so could you take just baby and leave your older one?

other than that, think it depends entirely on baby plus grandparents!

[Belle]

I don't think 8 months is too young - left my first for one night at 7 months, and 2 nights at 9 mths. But y es guess it depends on the baby/grandparents!