"put the baby down drowsy but awake"

[cashewnut]

Every bit of sleep advice for newborns seems to suggest putting babies down "drowsy but awake". Conjures up images of parents drinking tea while their newborns drift happily off to sleep in their cots.

Does this actually work for anyone? - seems a bit fictional to me!

[Pickle]

I managed it with all 3 of mine. I breastfed, would feed them before bed, but not until they were sound asleep.

[etta166]

Yes, it worked for 2 of mine but not the other one. For what it's worth, the only one who is a really good sleeper now is the one that couldn't drift off on his own as a baby... Go figure. I always believed that the holy grail of good sleep was teaching them to go to sleep on their own. Clearly not, in our case.

[dildals]

Yes. Works for me.

Don't worry too much about newborns though. They sleep and don't sleep where ever they damn well please for the first couple of weeks/months. Getting a newborn to sleep in their moses basket/bed nest, rather than on you, should be task no 1. But again, don't fret too much about this sleeping on you thing either. You don't want to miss out on those newborn snuggles!

[Bellenden Belle]

Yep it worked for us.

But in the early days it involved lots of other cues as well - rocking of the pram, white noise, pacifier, walking round the block etc. It didn't come immediately but it did get easier so that friends would be absolutely amazed at how he would go down and then gently nod off - but I think that was past twelve weeks. His granny used to put him into the garden in his pram - think he rather liked watching and listening to the birds before dozing off.

We never did cry it out in case you're wondering.

But we did make sure he was actually tired - whether that be from lying under his rainforest gym, or bouncing about, or an actual activity. Even in the very beginning we made sure there was some activity (that could be as simple as changing his nappy) after feeding.

BUT - if I had my time again, I think I would have cuddled him to sleep more and worried about the routine less. But then, hindsight is a marvellous thing.

[canela]

didn't work for me. got them to sleep on me and then transferred gently to bed. or when really small just wore them in a sling whilst asleep. i say do whatever is easiest for you - and don't worry about fictional parents calmly chatting and drinking tea whilst baby coos delightfully from cot, the house is sparkly clean and the sun is shining...

[bluesuperted]

Canela we did the same, now have two fab sleepers. Loved every second too. Holding sleeping baby or slinging sleeping baby is one of the best things about being a mother (or father), full stop. Doing the drowsy think clearly does work for some but causes undue anxiety for so many more new mums.

[Pickle]

Just wanted to add that for us, it wasn't from tiny newborn - about 6-8 weeks was the time they started settling without assistance. At the tiny stage I made use of slings, a godsend, especially with other kids to look after.

[BellendenBear]

There was a thread about this last summer.

I eventually managed this with all 4 of mine. It took variable amounts of time to get to that point though - at least 2-3 months I think. And during that time, lots of cues as mentioned above. White noise, swaddling and dark room generally worked best.

It's mostly about the timing I think, so getting used to how long they can stay awake for and looking out for the early signs of tiredness after 1.5/2/2.5 hours or whatever.

I always tried to avoid feeding them to sleep as they never seemed to sleep for that long if they fell asleep this way.

Having a baby that sleeps by themselves doesn't have to involve 'crying it out' or controlled crying. You can do it gradually and gently and accept that sometimes it will work and other times it won't.

[Coach Beth]

Never ever worked for me and I wish I hadn't worried about it because now the boy child (aged 9) is perfectly able to go to sleep on his own!

[Convex]

Doesn't work for us, but you know that!

I'm trying not to worry about it with my second x

[snowboarder]

I tried a bit harder at this with my second after spectacularly failing with my first. As others have said I just estimated how long he'd been awake (say about 2.5 hrs at around 3 months i think?) and used to take him up to his crib and pat his tummy and he used to drop off. But he was a much more obliging baby than his brother who would have screamed the house down at such amateur attempts at making him sleep. And the tummy patting was actually a lovely sleepy, just the two of us moment, very different to the exhausting rocking, pavement pounding sling waearing and pram pushing techniques of baby no 1 :-)

[Fragolina]

It didn't work for me, try as I might... my son has always had difficulty in relaxing & winding down on his own & gets so upset not being cuddled/fed. I felt (& still do to some degree) useless not being able to manage it, but I've also accepted (somewhat) that they're all different. It's exhausting though!

[cashewnut]

Interesting. It seems easier a couple of months in rather than right at the start - which is the opposite of all the advice!

We managed to get firstborn child to settle herself at about 3 months but up until then she fought sleep heroically however we tried to soothe her. Number two seems to be a bit more chilled but we are having some moments where I'm not so sure. Am trying to avoid overtiredness etc but it's all v tricky when having to fit things round nursery drop offs etc.

Urgh ... things will be easier in a couple of months time!

[astrid83]

Didn't work for me. My son slept on my chest until he was 7 months old. Once I stopped stressing about it I started to enjoy it...

And guess what - at 11 months he doesn't want to sleep on me anymore, can fall asleep by himself in his cot and sleeps really well.

Next time around I won't worry too much about teaching young babies to self settle or fall asleep in their own bed. There is a lot of talk about creating bad sleeping habits but in my experience babies just do what they have to do and stop doing it when they don't need it or grow out of it.

[hellosailor]

I agree with astrid83, my daughter hadn't taken a single nap not on me until she was about 10 weeks, always woke at the first sleep cycle if I transferred her and I stressed about it majorly. At between 4 and 5 months she just started settling herself (I did some shush patting too) and sleeping for long naps. My son settled himself from day 1, no idea why. They're all different and they all get there in the end! I wish I hadn't stressed about it so much first time round as it does detract from your enjoyment of those cuddles which is such a shame looking back. xx

[cmacnew]

My first son was quite hard to settle to sleep and a very light sleeper - had a 45 minute timer inside him. But after a while was happy to go into his cot and sing/chatter/play himself to sleep.

Second was a dream, as he was fed to sleep and I was not worried about it. Then we switched to a dummy when he was old enough to sleep trough (around 5 months) he now gets so excited to see his sleeping bag (as it's attached to his dummy....)

I always struggled with the drowsy but awake thing. I though it was a myth until I read this thread!

[AnyaJoeli]

I never saw the drowsy but awake thing in my own baby but I have seen it happen in others and watched with awe like seeing a fairy tale come true. I had a baby who only had two settings: awake (happy or not) or asleep. The "drowsy but awake" thing only occurred if he was being held/fed, the minute he left my chest he sprang completely awake and became very distressed. I muddled through for a bit trying to leave him distressed to see if he could "self-soothe", worrying about rods for my back and all that, and then I read a really useful article on the blog askmoxie.com, google it it's about "tension increasers and tension decreasers"?. kind of obviously about how all babies are different as this thread shows, so you shouldn't be expected to apply the same techniques with each one with the same results, but it seems we are. It's so hard when you have a situation like this where people say that you "should" be able to put your baby down easily with no fuss and have a quiet cup of tea while they gurgle themselves to sleep: there are those babies who are happy to chatter or cry themselves to sleep or almost need to have a bit of a cry to release tension in order to get to sleep, and follow through the drowsy stage to the sleep stage without getting worked up, and there are those who if left to their own devices work themselves up into oblivion and increase their tension with crying, and get all distraught and less able to get back into a sleeping mode.

My baby was definitely a tension increaser, and he also just simply didn't do the drowsy but awake setting however much I really wanted him to as I had seen and heard about it happening with others..and it got to the stage where I became afraid to wake him up at drowsy stage by trying to put him down (starting the cycle of crying again), so I let him sleep on me or with me, and i guess perpetuated a cycle. He always needed the comfort of me to help him go to sleep. Once I had stopped beating myself up about it, I actually really loved slinging him for early baby naps and enjoying blissful cuddles that I know he won't exactly want to dole out when he's 14. Now, he's nearly 3 and when my husband does bedtime he is more than happy to go to bed on his own and chatter and sing himself to sleep on his own, but when I'm putting him to bed he still wants me to be with him until he is asleep and gets a bit fretful if I try and leave him. So, perhaps I have created a rod for my own back, but it's a very cuddly and lovely rod which I'm not going to allow myself to regret, as it won't last forever and I'll be ultimately glad I had it?even though there are times when I am feeling impatient and grumpy and wish he was a bit more independent when I'm there at bedtime.

Didn't mean this reply to be quite so long! But I agonised about this mythical "drowsy but awake" stage for so long that this thread really rang a bell for me! x

[cashewnut]

Amazingly this has actually happened a few times now. The first couple of times were accidents - I thought the baby was fast asleep - turns out not, but I've also risked it a couple of times when I was too impatient to wait around.

Like AJ said I'm not sure my first had a 'drowsy' state so this is a welcome development. Now if only a walk in the pram would work as well that would really make things easier!

[esme]

I've managed this a handful of times (baby now 4 months)... Great when it happens but I mainly end up feeding/cuddling/stroking whatever it takes! Am hoping for longer sleeps once baby is weaned :)