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Things that have made me laugh 2

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Alan Medic

Alan Medic

Posted
Posted

Review on Amazon for their Fire Stick:


I bought this as an electronic babysitter, for my husband, who is five. Oh, wait, not five, 48. I was pig-sick of him watching Netflix on his mobile phone, with his netbook pinging up Facebook messages, with the TV on full blast, and the sound from his Netflix leaking out of his earphones, because he had that on full volume as well, to counter-balance whatever was happening on the TV he wasn't watching. It has worked a treat, as he now watches endless hours of crap on the big TV, while his netbook and phone ping Facebook messages at him, and he lies on the couch, re-arranging his crotch, and grunting.


The installation was easy, despite the fact that I only have full use of one hand, I didn't need any screwdrivers, and I'm not allowed hammers anyway. I did stand on an apple that the dog had taken behind the TV, for dog-reasons, and it squidged between my toes a bit, but I don't suppose that's a universal installation issue, not everyone having a dog that hides fruit behind the TV.


The plug-and-play nature of the device meant that I was able to install without asking for help from a man, and I didn't even break any fingernails. I'm relatively certain I've deleted any links to my social media from Amazon, so the husband won't be able to ferret about, at two in the morning, while he's watching something with boobs in, or yet another concert from the time period when I was being potty-trained, and see all of the nasty things I say about him.


For me, it has been ?35 well-spent, although the glut of adverts offering it for ?25 have been a bit of a kick in the crotch, I could have spent the extra ?10 on gin, but it would have been cheap gin, so there would have been no real gain.

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Sue

Sue

Posted
Posted

I know I shouldn't laugh but ....


I was just going through my Christmas cards, and came upon one with just three kisses and no name, so I have no idea who it's from.


When I looked on the back, it was a charity card in aid of the Alzheimer's Society.


Had they forgotten their name? I know the feeling ....

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Salsaboy

Salsaboy

Posted
Posted

Ah, you got my card then!


Sue Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I know I shouldn't laugh but ....

>

> I was just going through my Christmas cards, and

> came upon one with just three kisses and no name,

> so I have no idea who it's from.

>

> When I looked on the back, it was a charity card

> in aid of the Alzheimer's Society.

>

> Had they forgotten their name? I know the feeling

> ....

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  • 1 month later...
Sue

Sue

Posted
Posted

I was idly glancing through someone else's flyer and at the bottom of the page was this:



*This layout is terrible - it uses all the wrong fonts - can we get the correct ones for the next leaflet? Ed.



:)) :)) :))



Hope they didn't pay too much to get it printed :))

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Siduhe

Siduhe

Posted
Posted
You started out in 1993 !

I remember when East Dulwich had perfectly good local Will storage specialists who would store Wills in superior and more down to earth snuff boxes (forgive the pun) and not these fancy blow in Will storage experts who store them in ponsey biscuit tins.



POTD

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aerie

aerie

Posted
Posted

Alan Medic Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Review on Amazon for their Fire Stick:

>

> I bought this as an electronic babysitter, for my

> husband, who is five. Oh, wait, not five, 48. I

> was pig-sick of him watching Netflix on his mobile

> phone, with his netbook pinging up Facebook

> messages, with the TV on full blast, and the sound

> from his Netflix leaking out of his earphones,

> because he had that on full volume as well, to

> counter-balance whatever was happening on the TV

> he wasn't watching. It has worked a treat, as he

> now watches endless hours of crap on the big TV,

> while his netbook and phone ping Facebook messages

> at him, and he lies on the couch, re-arranging his

> crotch, and grunting.

>

> The installation was easy, despite the fact that I

> only have full use of one hand, I didn't need any

> screwdrivers, and I'm not allowed hammers anyway.

> I did stand on an apple that the dog had taken

> behind the TV, for dog-reasons, and it squidged

> between my toes a bit, but I don't suppose that's

> a universal installation issue, not everyone

> having a dog that hides fruit behind the TV.

>

> The plug-and-play nature of the device meant that

> I was able to install without asking for help from

> a man, and I didn't even break any fingernails.

> I'm relatively certain I've deleted any links to

> my social media from Amazon, so the husband won't

> be able to ferret about, at two in the morning,

> while he's watching something with boobs in, or

> yet another concert from the time period when I

> was being potty-trained, and see all of the nasty

> things I say about him.

>

> For me, it has been ?35 well-spent, although the

> glut of adverts offering it for ?25 have been a

> bit of a kick in the crotch, I could have spent

> the extra ?10 on gin, but it would have been cheap

> gin, so there would have been no real gain.


You should have your own column/radio/tv show. and soon

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Sue

Sue

Posted
Posted

aerie Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Alan Medic Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> > Review on Amazon for their Fire Stick:

> >

> > I bought this as an electronic babysitter, for

> my

> > husband, who is five. Oh, wait, not five, 48. I

> > was pig-sick of him watching Netflix on his

> mobile

> > phone, with his netbook pinging up Facebook

> > messages, with the TV on full blast, and the

> sound

> > from his Netflix leaking out of his earphones,

> > because he had that on full volume as well, to

> > counter-balance whatever was happening on the

> TV

> > he wasn't watching. It has worked a treat, as

> he

> > now watches endless hours of crap on the big

> TV,

> > while his netbook and phone ping Facebook

> messages

> > at him, and he lies on the couch, re-arranging

> his

> > crotch, and grunting.

> >

> > The installation was easy, despite the fact that

> I

> > only have full use of one hand, I didn't need

> any

> > screwdrivers, and I'm not allowed hammers

> anyway.

> > I did stand on an apple that the dog had taken

> > behind the TV, for dog-reasons, and it squidged

> > between my toes a bit, but I don't suppose

> that's

> > a universal installation issue, not everyone

> > having a dog that hides fruit behind the TV.

> >

> > The plug-and-play nature of the device meant

> that

> > I was able to install without asking for help

> from

> > a man, and I didn't even break any fingernails.

> > I'm relatively certain I've deleted any links

> to

> > my social media from Amazon, so the husband

> won't

> > be able to ferret about, at two in the morning,

> > while he's watching something with boobs in, or

> > yet another concert from the time period when I

> > was being potty-trained, and see all of the

> nasty

> > things I say about him.

> >

> > For me, it has been ?35 well-spent, although

> the

> > glut of adverts offering it for ?25 have been a

> > bit of a kick in the crotch, I could have spent

> > the extra ?10 on gin, but it would have been

> cheap

> > gin, so there would have been no real gain.



>

> You should have your own column/radio/tv show. and

> soon



It isn't Alan Medic who wrote it, it's a reviewer on Amazon .....

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TheArtfulDogger

TheArtfulDogger

Posted
Posted

Three doctors are involved in a fatal car crash and find themselves standing at the pearly gates of heaven.


The gates swing open and St. Peter steps out to meet them


To the first doctor he asks "what's your name and what did you do on earth? "


To which the first doctor replies "I'm doctor Kevin Brown and I'm a gynaecologist"


St. Peter sucks his teeth, looks at a list and then proclaims "I am so sorry Doctor Brown, heaven is rather full and we don't have a need for another gynaecologist, it's off to hell for you" and the doctor vanishes in a puff of smoke.


St. Peter then asks the same question to the second doctor, who replies

"I'm Doctor John Green and I'm a heart surgeon "


St. Peter looks at his list and says "oh gosh Doctor Green, a very noble profession but everyone here has a perfect and pure heart, I am so sorry it is hell for you" and doctor green vanishes in a puff of smoke


The third doctor not believing his eyes says to St. Peter "I guess it's hell for me too?" And St. Peter says "not until you tell me your name and profession"


The third doctor says "I'm John Smith and I am a doctor too"


"Okay" says St. Peter "what sort of doctor are you?"


Dejectedly Doctor Smith says "I am sure you don't want me, I am a psychologist"


"Ahh brilliant" cries St. Peter "come on in , you are just the man we need, God thinks he is Jeremy Corybn!"

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Seabag

Seabag

Posted
Posted

TheArtfulDogger Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Three doctors are involved in a fatal car crash

> and find themselves standing at the pearly gates

> of heaven.

>

> The gates swing open and St. Peter steps out to

> meet them

>

> To the first doctor he asks "what's your name and

> what did you do on earth? "

>

> To which the first doctor replies "I'm doctor

> Kevin Brown and I'm a gynaecologist"

>

> St. Peter sucks his teeth, looks at a list and

> then proclaims "I am so sorry Doctor Brown, heaven

> is rather full and we don't have a need for

> another gynaecologist, it's off to hell for you"

> and the doctor vanishes in a puff of smoke.

>

> St. Peter then asks the same question to the

> second doctor, who replies

> "I'm Doctor John Green and I'm a heart surgeon "

>

> St. Peter looks at his list and says "oh gosh

> Doctor Green, a very noble profession but everyone

> here has a perfect and pure heart, I am so sorry

> it is hell for you" and doctor green vanishes in a

> puff of smoke

>

> The third doctor not believing his eyes says to

> St. Peter "I guess it's hell for me too?" And St.

> Peter says "not until you tell me your name and

> profession"

>

> The third doctor says "I'm John Smith and I am a

> doctor too"

>

> "Okay" says St. Peter "what sort of doctor are

> you?"

>

> Dejectedly Doctor Smith says "I am sure you don't

> want me, I am a psychologist"

>

> "Ahh brilliant" cries St. Peter "come on in , you

> are just the man we need, God thinks he is Jeremy

> Corybn!"



Nearly as hilarious as your reasons to vote out


CUNT

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rendelharris

rendelharris

Posted
Posted

TheArtfulDogger Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Three doctors are involved in a fatal car crash

> and find themselves standing at the pearly gates

> of heaven.

>

> The gates swing open and St. Peter steps out to

> meet them

>

> To the first doctor he asks "what's your name and

> what did you do on earth? "

>

> To which the first doctor replies "I'm doctor

> Kevin Brown and I'm a gynaecologist"

>

> St. Peter sucks his teeth, looks at a list and

> then proclaims "I am so sorry Doctor Brown, heaven

> is rather full and we don't have a need for

> another gynaecologist, it's off to hell for you"

> and the doctor vanishes in a puff of smoke.

>

> St. Peter then asks the same question to the

> second doctor, who replies

> "I'm Doctor John Green and I'm a heart surgeon "

>

> St. Peter looks at his list and says "oh gosh

> Doctor Green, a very noble profession but everyone

> here has a perfect and pure heart, I am so sorry

> it is hell for you" and doctor green vanishes in a

> puff of smoke

>

> The third doctor not believing his eyes says to

> St. Peter "I guess it's hell for me too?" And St.

> Peter says "not until you tell me your name and

> profession"

>

> The third doctor says "I'm John Smith and I am a

> doctor too"

>

> "Okay" says St. Peter "what sort of doctor are

> you?"

>

> Dejectedly Doctor Smith says "I am sure you don't

> want me, I am a psychologist"

>

> "Ahh brilliant" cries St. Peter "come on in , you

> are just the man we need, God thinks he is Jeremy

> Corybn!"


Jeez that was a long run for an unfunny short slide...

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Seabag

Seabag

Posted
Posted

rendelharris Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> TheArtfulDogger Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> > Three doctors are involved in a fatal car crash

> > and find themselves standing at the pearly

> gates

> > of heaven.

> >

> > The gates swing open and St. Peter steps out to

> > meet them

> >

> > To the first doctor he asks "what's your name

> and

> > what did you do on earth? "

> >

> > To which the first doctor replies "I'm doctor

> > Kevin Brown and I'm a gynaecologist"

> >

> > St. Peter sucks his teeth, looks at a list and

> > then proclaims "I am so sorry Doctor Brown,

> heaven

> > is rather full and we don't have a need for

> > another gynaecologist, it's off to hell for

> you"

> > and the doctor vanishes in a puff of smoke.

> >

> > St. Peter then asks the same question to the

> > second doctor, who replies

> > "I'm Doctor John Green and I'm a heart surgeon "

>

> >

> > St. Peter looks at his list and says "oh gosh

> > Doctor Green, a very noble profession but

> everyone

> > here has a perfect and pure heart, I am so

> sorry

> > it is hell for you" and doctor green vanishes in

> a

> > puff of smoke

> >

> > The third doctor not believing his eyes says to

> > St. Peter "I guess it's hell for me too?" And

> St.

> > Peter says "not until you tell me your name and

> > profession"

> >

> > The third doctor says "I'm John Smith and I am

> a

> > doctor too"

> >

> > "Okay" says St. Peter "what sort of doctor are

> > you?"

> >

> > Dejectedly Doctor Smith says "I am sure you

> don't

> > want me, I am a psychologist"

> >

> > "Ahh brilliant" cries St. Peter "come on in ,

> you

> > are just the man we need, God thinks he is

> Jeremy

> > Corybn!"

>

> Jeez that was a long run for an unfunny short

> slide...


And there sits the crap that #Brexit and Dogger and his ilk supports

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red devil

red devil

Posted
Posted

It looks like it was knocked up overnight by a 2nd year Graphic Design student on a summer placement^

Perhaps there's a hidden message...her signature reads more like Aarrgghh! than Angela :)


*Of course I'm referring to the logo not Ms Eagle...

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Betty M. Goebel

Betty M. Goebel

Posted
Posted

ruffers Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Well this thread made me smile as I couldn't find

> the other one...

>

> Apart from that, this

> http://icanhascheezburger.com/

>

> And I will, publicly, share the guilty pleasure

> which is Hole In The Wall. Not big not clever, but

> still makes me laugh.

> Sorry.

>

> http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00dw26m



Everything is funnier when you are not alllowed to laugh.

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