Words of encouragement please!

[Ole]

I am going to have a bit of a moan, I just need somebody to tell me I a not the only one and that it is a phase!

My nearly 4.5 year old is driving me nuts. I think he is either massively bored or ready to start school. He goes to the same nurse he has been gong since he was 16 months, he goes 3 days a week and the rest of the week I fill as much as possible with physical activity (chasing balls, swimming, going on the bike, anything to tire him out), we do loads of crafty things at home, we read, we draw, we play, but it just does not seem to be enough. We have days just being at home, we have days out and about, we have playdates, we go on trips, yet the minute I need to do some housework or do chores it is tugging at my sleeve, lolling about, throwing tantrums etc. Everything that is not play ralated is a battle (getting dressed takes ages because he starts playing, mealtimes are a battle because he eats soooooo slowly because he is constantly chattering).

The bad weather does not help.

I always suspected that these last 6 months before he starts school would be difficult but it is a lot more of a slog than I thought it would be. Anybody else in the same boat?

[edanna]

It doesn't sound like you could do much more Ole. I feel exhausted just reading all the things you do! My son was nearly 5 when he started school and he was so ready for such a long time beforehand. I used to feel sorry for the nursery staff who had a few autumn-born boys who had clearly outgrown the setting. I'm not sure I can suggest much other than to say hang on in there - it will get easier when the weather is better. And it certainly should get easier when he starts school though I appreciate September may feel a long way off. Is there anything that he's happy to sit down with on his own, lego for instance, where you can set him a challenge to build the best castle/ship etc ever and then photograph and send the pics to relatives?!

[Lochie]

Hi Ole- I also have a 4.5 year old boy, he is a September birth and for the last 4/5 months I would definitely say he NEEDS to be at school. I have got to a stage with him where I know I can't satisfy his energy/inquisitiveness/need for play/stimulation anymore!!! At first I felt a bit sad about this as our little pre-school days are coming to an end, but now I can't wait for September to roll on!!

In terms of our current week - he goes to nursery 2 days, has another very stimulating day with my parents, and I take him and his sister to a wide array of play dates/play groups on the other 2 days. But as you say, the minute I try and do householdy stuff he usually winds his sister up/becomes difficult. The weather is also a factor as we have had too many movie/ipad days recently and I really know I need to take him out all day to tire him out.

So no - it's not just you and we are in the same boat!! I figure in a few months time the weather will be warmer, so I can't wait to plan trips outdoors before he goes to school in September...

[Ole]

So glad it is not just me. Yes I can't wait for the warm weather so then I can just dress him up in shorts and t-shirt and spend the day in the paddling pools. I am exhausted when I think of all the stuff we get though in a day. My husband says I encourage it by doing too much stuff so he has just come to expect to be entertained, and sometimes I think he is right because he very rarely plays by himself with his toys unless I specifically ask him to do so (and after 10 minutes moaning).

[Lochie]

have you tried jigsaw puzzles? My son really got into these for a while and got very good at them, and he would spend a good half hour doing the harder ones....

[edanna]

Ole this is not your fault - he's lucky to have a mum that takes him to do so many things!

[Ole]

You are very sweet edanna; Lochie yes the puzzles are a 'been there, done that' but perhaps would be worth getting him ones for older children even if he can't do them on his own at first. I feel sad because I know once he is at school I know I am going to miss him during the day, but right now I am counting down the days until he starts school!

[nunheadmum]

Hi Ole. It sounds like you do tons with your son so don't feel bad. I think our kids can get so used to having so much input from us, they have to learn to get bored and move to using their own imagination. Maybe I'm just a lazy mum but I do try and stay firm, telling my kids that no, I'm not going to provide them with something to do, they have to think of something for themselves. It's not easy at the start and getting involved again can seem like an easier option - and some kids will take to it easier than others - but gradually they do start to learn. It takes a bit of resolve on your part.

I think school does help them to learn this skill too. And the kids who can come up with the good ideas of games to play tend to pull the other kids with them. So helping him to learn this skill will be a help to him come school.

So don't feel bad if you say no to joining in - you'll help him doing that just as much as playing with him.

[SE22mum]

has he got any friends he can play with during the day? i find this a great help.

you have my sympathy....but i have to say i think this just goes on! my nearly 8 year old boy has an insatiable appetite for entertainment it seems... saturday mornings he wakes up at 6:30 and asks "what are we doing today?"

[pommie]

can I ask why he isn't at school already if he is 4 1/2?

[Ole]

pommie, he is born after September so just missed the September cut off for 2013 entry he is not 4.5 yet but I rounded up to it.

Nunheadmum, interesting theory re: do we do far too much with them? I think I certainly do, there is no way my mother took me to all the classes/trips/stuff I take mine to. When I am firm 'you must play with yourself for a bit now' he usually behaves really well for the rest of the day so I do wonder if over stimulation is not a good thing. Maybe these next few months I should take it easy and let him to his own devices but difficult to when he follows me around the house like a shadow asking if I am finished yet.

Se22mum, my plan is to make sports a big thing so he is tired out. Somebody told me that boys are like puppies, they need to be exercised a lot to keep happy, so that's the approach I try to follow!

[oimissus]

I think he's got used to you entertaining him 24/7, so easy to fall into it, I'm just as guilty as everyone else!

What you need to do is fine something that will keep him occupied when you absolutely need to be doing something. Miss Oi (slightly younger) has suddenly got very into colouring in, so I can generally plonk her down with that while I cook, for example. Yellow Moon do very good peel off foam stickers which they can do by themselves, loads of different themes. We have a house shaped biscuit tin which all her old happyland figures are in - again, she'll sit and witter to them in the kitchen.

Otherwise, judicial use of the television. And if I see her settled into something I sneak off to clean the bathroom or whatever - sometimes I get 5 minutes, sometimes half an hour!

The weather at the mo is such a drag, I think we've been to the park once in the last fortnight!

[EDmummy]

nunheadmum Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Hi Ole. It sounds like you do tons with your son

> so don't feel bad. I think our kids can get so

> used to having so much input from us, they have to

> learn to get bored and move to using their own

> imagination. Maybe I'm just a lazy mum but I do

> try and stay firm, telling my kids that no, I'm

> not going to provide them with something to do,

> they have to think of something for themselves.

> It's not easy at the start and getting involved

> again can seem like an easier option - and some

> kids will take to it easier than others - but

> gradually they do start to learn. It takes a bit

> of resolve on your part.

>

> I think school does help them to learn this skill

> too. And the kids who can come up with the good

> ideas of games to play tend to pull the other kids

> with them. So helping him to learn this skill

> will be a help to him come school.

>

> So don't feel bad if you say no to joining in -

> you'll help him doing that just as much as playing

> with him.

Absolutely agree Nunheadmum!I learnt my lesson of being v hands on from any no.1. Baby no.2 was left a bit more to find his own thing to do and even now (13 & 8) the younger is much better at occupying himself and an get much more absorbed in his play. It's such a hard age and I'm sure once the weather dries up things will get better.

[snowboarder]

You have my sympathy - I have a son who will be 5 in April and I am SO glad he is at school! Could you maybe see if you could get him into one of the local pre schools for the 2 mornings he is not at nursery? Somewhere where they might be more geared up to dealing with 4 yr olds rather than day care?

As you say once they are at school you go to the other extreme - I feel like I barely see my son during the week what with after school games/multisports/swimming/my work! Make the most of the ability to go on day trips and visit people - it gets impossible once they are at school.

Good luck

[oimissus]

the other thing I would say is don't leave all his toys out - familiarity breeds contempt blah blah. Put some in the cupboard and then get them out again in a few weeks. Or rearrange things - we've just moved the toy kitchen from the kitchen to the living room, which has re-sparked her interest in it.

[Smiler]

My friend had this with her september-born son and switched from private day nursery to a school one (she also had to get new childcare since school nursery hours weren't ideal for working parents), the change helped them.

[nunheadmum]

Can you also try telling him to go off for a set time and tell him what you'll do after (eg. Go and play by yourself for 10 mins while I do X and then I'll come and do Y) and then gradually extend the time without him noticing. Also on the basis that if he doesn't give you time, you don't do the next thing with him.

[crystal7]

As the parent of an October born son I'm reading this with trepidation!

Definitely don't blame yourself, sounds like you are doing some lovely activities with your son! I work 3 days and find it difficult to fill the 2 I have with my 2 year old. I'm trying to catch up on bits and pieces around the house, run errands and provide the boy with endless exciting stimulating activities. My daughter is in Reception and has only just started entertaining herself for any length of time. I think some children take longer to do pretend play/role play type games. I found it quite useful to play certain things with her so she had an idea of what to do if you see what I mean. So when she got a doctors set last year we got all the teddies out, used the stethoscope on them, bandaged them etc. This gave her an idea of how a game of doctors might progress.

My son on the other hand plays on his own all the time, he's been pushing cars around saying vroom since he could crawl!

Good luck, I found last year tricky. There's a definite shortage of activities for 4 year olds and school nursery is often incompatible with work!

[SE22mum]

on another practical note, I found it really useful to have the day divided quite clearly into playtime and chores-time, i.e. wash up straight after every meal, tidy up before bed, put washing on and then hang out in the morning....it might sound silly but I didn't get this at first and so it all kind of merged into one long day where they are trying to get your attention and you never can give it completely. whereas if these just become things that are always done each day, they get used to it. if he wants to help, let him even if it takes longer. or give him a task to do - like taking away the breakables and letting him wash-up.

another thing is to try and do all your chore stuff in the morning before an early lunch, and then have an afternoon outing...as sometimes they can concentrate easier on something alone in the morning.

could you find some activities for kids and parents together during the day? i think that was the main challenge for me as most of the kids activities were for much younger children...but then i found out about things like forest schools, the natural parents activities, and even beavers etc - where you can volunteer/lend a hand and your child will be near you but hopefully running around with other boys!

or if none of this works, at least have fun days going out as much as you can and then set a time in the evening when you switch off, even if it means turning on the TV a bit earlier than you would like.

as other posters have said, all too soon they go to school and then you never see them.....so be easy on yourself and do some fun things whilst you can.

[Ole]

Thanks for all your messages, its definitely given me some ideas. I wish I had transferred him to a school nursery when I was offered a place last year. I think it is probably too late to enrol him in one for the remaining 2 days of the week but I will ask. I did think about it at the time (split his time between private and school nursery) but I thought it would be too confusing for him and too much but I will ask again. Hopefully too once the weather improves we can go out and do fun things outdoors!

[Tickle1978]

I just took part in an about boys course which was really useful.

Apparently boys love challenges, you mention it takes ages to get ready so challenge him e.g. set the timer on your phone for him to see and say something like l bet you can't get ready in under 10minutes, this worked a treat for a couple of the girls little boys on the course, he may take up the challenge and want the time reduced the next time !