2nd baby due, no family locally

[esme]

I've got a nearly 4 yr old and am due second baby in march... We have our great aunt and uncle in Nunhead but not wanting to be a burden or too reliant on them if, for example, I go into labour in middle of the night or when hubby isn't around.

I know millions of women manage on their own or with limited family/friends' support but just wondered if anyone had words of wisdom (AKA reassurance!) or advice.

Thanks :)

[Mens]

Our supposes help let us down so we ended up having the girls with us (aged three and four). They actually really enjoyed being there and didn't care that I was in pain.

I had prepared them in advance by watching one born every minute just incase I went into a fast labour at home or something and they ended up seeing the birth.

If I had another baby I would def have them all there (not having any more).

Just basically my advice is to let your little one know as much as possible what will happen so if you end up being let down it won't matter.

The midwives actually wanted to take the girls to the nurses station to entertain them but they were having too much fun copying mummy (bending down and breathing into cups as their gas and air). Then jumping up and down clapping when their sister was being squeezed out!

[jennyh]

Do you mean in labour or just generally needing support!? I had my second 4 weeks ago and was really stressed about childcare as he was due over Christmas and everyone had plans etc. have no local family so built a list of friends who were willing to help if needs be, I went over by a week and each day I checked in with friends to see who was about that night/day. I'm fortunate to have a strong group of friends who know my daughter quite well so if she had needed looking after by one of them it wouldn't have been too odd. As it happened we had my mother in law here for 3 days waiting for baby to come, I suggested she went home after my third sweep as not much was happening and they were talking about induction dates etc. off she toddles back to Norfolk at lunchtime only to have labour kick off that night. A very kind friend came at 1.30am (I stayed at home as long as I could) and baby was born in kings at 3.30, husband got home for 6.30 before our daughter woke so she was none the wiser. Mother in law drove down that day.

Soo...we made it work but yes is it stressful. I would say though that the anxiety surrounding childcare can be a real hindrance to labour...nothing scientific to back this theory up but my body was physically ready for it all to happen having started to dilate and having so called 'perfect' conditions, a week later I was increasingly anxious and nothing was happening but constant fake labour pains. I decided to have a massage and reiki and felt so calm after that, I genuinely think my brain sent the right signals as I went into labour not long after. Try not to worry as you will find a way, if you don't have local friends who could help then I will! ;)

[Beagle]

Hello,

This was my concern too especially as my back up friend went on holiday the week I was due and we have no family about.

Do you have a regular childminder or babysitter? I was so lucky, my childminder told me to call her any time of day or night and she would take my daughter. My daughter had a great time and I didn't have a single worry, luckily it was daytime and I had textbook quick second labour. Also a couple of neighbours offered to help out.

Is there no one you can ask? I wouldn't mind if a friend called me any time of the night to ask this favour.

I do completely understand your concern though. If it is any consolation I managed by myself for an hour before my husband came home. Good luck with everything.

[gebbjane]

We had this worry and in the end I asked my 21 niece to come and stay for a couple of months (in between jobs luckily). She stayed a couple of weeks before the baby was born and a few after to help keep my elder daughter entertained. As she lived on the other side of london she would disappear at weekends to her own place whilst other half was about, giving us privacy. I had a couple of friends on standby for weekends in case I went into labour, who would have been happy to take my daughter until my niece got back to ours.

Do you have a young relative or friend who could do something like this, suppose you also need to have the space to put them up?

[simonethebeaver]

We have no family at all around, and have coped through quite a few childcare emergencies, including births, with the support of very lovely local friends. When I had second baby at home, we called our friends on standby and they came and collected the others, and brought them back next morning to meet the new baby. Shout out to them, as they are Family Room users! Obviously we do what we can in return for any friends in need. You'll be fine.

[curiousgeorge11]

Hi there,

I am in the exact same boat! I'm due in late March, my mum is coming over in mid-March, but I'm really worried about going the baby coming early. I've asked a friend, but also just called Dulwich Child Care and am going to register with them, as well have the named person do some babysitting in advance so if she needs to be with my son during waking hours, she won't be a total stranger. There are very few times I find it hard to be away from friends and family, but this is definitely one of them! All the best.

[SE22mum]

my friend asked me to be on stand-by for this very same reason and I was very happy to be asked. I wasn't needed in the end but I was prepared just in case. I would ask one or two people if you could have them on stand-by for this reason.

i had a second home birth with first child around which was fine. not sure how i would feel about taking child to hospital though.

[Jo'sEnglish]

I'm in the same situation. 2nd baby due end of April. I'm planning on having a few friends on a list for standby babysitting so hopefully someone will be available. Don't have anyone I'm close to living that close to me though so I'm hoping to ask my next door neighbours if they would be happy to have him for an hour or so until someone else gets there.

It is the thing I'm most stressed about at the moment. My parents offered to come over from Spain to be on standby but I really don't think I can cope with them here for up to a month waiting for me to pop! Can't imagine trying to give birth with my hyperactive 2.5 year old around...

[ludoscotts]

Hi Esme I was the same with Ella/ scott. Luckily he was late and my mother in law was able to come down as we went into half term but had been due term time.

Have some people on standby and ask them to have phones on overnight as it's gets close to due date. Happy to have o when the time comes if you need help xxx

[Convex]

we don't have family nearby who can help. instead we have a list of local friends who have kindly let us know when they might be able to take our 2yo. we have most dates covered (we have a spreadsheet!) but obviously are hoping for an overnight home birth to avoid needing anyone ;-)

the main thing is to have a few people as back up - then if one cant help as expected you have others you can call.

and know what you plan to do in the event that no-one is available.

[Didine]

I had a friend on stand by with a page of note on the routine of my daughter stuck on the fridge.

Also I had 2 ladies from her nursery on stand by who were able to bring her back home.

My neighbours offered to help as well.

[katgod]

We had the numbers of various friends with similar aged children- family are 2 hours away so once knew labour established called friend who took son, then called family who loaded up and drove down and collected son from friends. So friends looked after son for about 3 hours elite granny arrived. Child 3 was very over due so had family here as knew would be induced on certain day.

[Pickle]

This was my biggest worry when I had my second and third babies. My parents are in NZ, husbands in Scotland and reluctant to help. In the end, both pregnancies ended up as inductions at 37 weeks (known about a few weeks in advance) so it was quite easy to plan.

Good luck. I'm sure you will be inundated with offers of help. My friends are pretty much done with their baby days now, but I've always been happy to be on call.

[esme]

Thanks everyone and those who have PMd me :) it was actually my mum who got me worrying to start with (quite often the way!) so now have thought about it is more psychological fear than actual problem when it comes to it. I do have nice friends nearby so am sure will be fine *everything crossed*