Direct Reports, WTF?????????

[Keef]

Hi guys, I am applying for a new job, and the only thing on the person spec (fortunately way down the bottom) that I don't really get is;

7.1 Ability to develop, review and implement objectives for direct reports.

Don't understand the jargon, what does that mean????? :-S

[jumpinjackflash]

does Direct Reports mean the people that will be directly reporting to you or you'll be reporting to them??:-S

[*Bob*]

Essentially, it doesn't mean anything, Keef. It's just a load of shit.

But then that's what most jobs are. Just a load of shit.

If they ask you about it, just say "Don't worry, my ability to develop, review and implement objectives for direct reports is second to none."

[SeanMacGabhann]

Jargon is painful isn't it?

But basically it means, if you are put in charge of a team, can you manage them they way we (the company) want (or say we want) - you know, do appraisals, set objectives ("promise to brush up on those excel skills Barry?" - "yes boss") and review those objectives for each of your team. yadda yadda

[Siduhe]

I read it as "ability to develop the skills of people who directly report into the role I'm applying for"

[Keef]

Basically I'd pretty much filled it in as *bob* suggests, but may add a sprinkling of bull sh!t now just to really impress the people that are impressed by this sort of thing... What happened to speaking English?!?

Thanks for the advise.

[*Bob*]

je ne sais pas

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Just keep mentioning stakeholders in the interview - a cinch. Good luck.

[mockney piers]

Are they Reports written in SQLDirect?

You're better off just learning SQL, it's much easier than those awful graphical interfaces.

[Moos]

Definitely means people reporting directly to you. Good luck!

[Keef]

Does this sound naff enough?

"I believe in assisting in the personal and professional development of those who report directly to me by setting achievable objectives and regular supervision and monitoring."

*tries to stop himself from being sick*

[jumpinjackflash]

(tu)

[Moos]

Serious answer? Are we playing the game here?

I'd replace 'assisting' with 'promoting', 'achievable' with 'realistic but stretching' and 'regular supervision and monitoring' with 'continual and interactive support, direction and feedback'.

Hee hee.

Why are other people's jobs so much more fun?

[Brendan]

I think they mean people who will be reporting directly to you.

Good luck! Remember to know you KPIs from your CPD, keep your grassroots stakeholder schematics synergised and other such cockwallop.

[Moos]

I thought the cockwallop was a public school thing.

[Jah Lush]

Seems you're a quick learner at the bullshitting game Keef. Well done and good luck with the bullshitters.

[Asset]

Oh Cripes! I'm gonna be doing this soon. I have no idea how to answer questions like that, never having had to apply for a job before!

Are there any courses you can do in application form filling? I bet there are.

[Brendan]

Try this Keef. (it?s worked for me in the past)

?I believe in motivating those who report to me by bribing them with chocolate.?

[Brendan]

Moos Wrote:

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> I thought the cockwallop was a public school

> thing.

Public schools yes.

Some private clubs too.

[Keef]

Bloody hell, it's only heading up a new team advising and providing advocacy to visually impaired people, I could do that with my eyes closed (pardon the pun)! :(

Moos, are you serious, because...

"I believe in promoting the personal and professional development of those who report directly to me by setting realistic objectives and giving continual and interactive support, direction and feedback"

... Just sounds a bit too clever for me :-S

Bugger it, it's going in!

Maybe I'm safer in social services, although all this stupid speak is creeping more and more in to our office!

[Ant]

"I use SMART objectives to maximise the personal and professional development of my team."

HR jargon, gratuitous use of the word 'team' and POWER-VERBS for the win. (Ugh.) Now if only I could remember what smart objectives are... S-something, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and T-something - probably targeted.

Good luck Keef. Hope the job's worth the jargon.

[macker]

Ant Wrote:

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> S-something, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and

> T-something - probably targeted.

S=Specific

(sad bastard)

[citizenED]

T = Tiddlewinks

S = Smart Alec

[Moos]

T = Timebound. ie you have to tell them by when they have to have the tea made.

Keef, yes I was kind of serious. Managementspeak is of course bollocks but being managed by someone who really wants ('promotes') you to get on, who actually sets objectives that you can make but aren't ridiculously easy, and who takes the time to talk to you, tell you how you're doing and how you can do it better is great. Not that you wouldn't do that anyway, but the point is if you are playing the application game, you might as well say 'I'm a good guy' in the language they've asked you to speak.

[indiepanda]

God, I hate management speak, hate it when I find myself doing it. The one that drives me potty at the moment is when I am asked to do a report in powerpoint slide format for people to "talk to" in a meeting instead of for them to use in a meeting where they are talking to other people.

This example doesn't even seem to make sense, "develop, review and implement objectives..." at best you develop the objectives, given them to your team to implement and then you review their performance against them.