Worst / funniest job experiences you have ever had?

[VeryBerryCherry]

I'm in a situation at the moment where I'm waiting on a job offer, having been down in London for over 3 months and not having much luck on the job front at all. Up until now I've been trying to remain upbeat. However, this company who are royally messing me around are starting to seriously wear down my optimistism (naivety!?!). I think I'm still hanging in there due to the salary offered, but they have wheeled me around on one mighty rollercoaster of a ride, and now i'm wondering if it's worth the stress.

So I need cheering up!

... I could either go out and get p!ssed :)-D or rely on you guys to make me laugh and put it all in perspective... >:D<

What horrible/funny job experiences have you had?

Does time x distance = a funny experience?

[Ant]

I once worked as a night porter in a hotel. That was 'kin awful. But it was in a ski resort, so not all bad.

Washed up in the kitchens of a huge office building that had a canteen for all the staff. That was hot, greasy and grim.

Funniest? Hmm... er... I'll get back to you.

[RosieH]

well I've just sent quite an arsey email to my chairman two weeks before I finally leave my c**t of a job (with apologies to those who don't like swearing) and am now considering filing away his emails and my responses to launch a constructive dismissal claim. if anyone has any experience / counsel I'd be glad to hear it on PM

on the funny front, I did once sit with Ken Hom and a journalist as he told her (while they ate), to the exact grammage what weight of stool he would expect to pass after consuming the meal he had carefully chosen for them both.

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

My worst experience was in a smoked salmon factory in Scotland. We had to dip our hands in neat detergent, which brought me out in a terrible rash, then slice the frozen salmon (made it easier to slice finely). Horrid work and my colleagues were extremely dour.

I was sacked after a week for being too cheerful.

The plus side was the trimmings - dark meat is perceived by the punter as bad - in fact it made the best pate.

[will dex]

One day my boss had just had a new 50" plasma ddelivvered to his office.

we kept the box in our office for the day to check the screen worked ok.

after 3-4 hours i said, "i bet i could fit in that box" (being up for a challenge)

i concocted the plan to get a guy from the office taken away for 2 minutes while i hid in the box.

out he goes, lead by a co-conspirator.

i hide in the box.

he doesnt come back for 3 mins.

then,, im hid in the box and the MD comes in the office.

I keep quiet for 5 mins, starting to get very hot inside it.

10 minutes pass, the mds setteld in for a chat toi the graphic designer and no sin of my co-conspirator.

15 minutes later, with md still sat in the room talking through adverts text, my co-conspirator comes back in the room, lifts a flap to the box, and braisenly says

"alright Will, what you doin' in the box".

yes, i nearly died.

[VeryBerryCherry]

RosieH Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> on the funny front, I did once sit with Ken Hom

> and a journalist as he told her (while they ate),

> to the exact grammage what weight of stool he

> would expect to pass after consuming the meal he

> had carefully chosen for them both.

Ewwww!

I love his programs, but now I can imagine his voice in my head talking about his poo-weight

[HonaloochieB]

RosieH Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> on the funny front, I did once sit with Ken Hom

> and a journalist as he told her (while they ate),

> to the exact grammage what weight of stool he

> would expect to pass after consuming the meal he

> had carefully chosen for them both.

This doesn't surprise in the least. He looks the sort.

[Annasfield]

will dex Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> One day my boss had just had a new 50" plasma

> ddelivvered to his office.

> we kept the box in our office for the day to check

> the screen worked ok.

> after 3-4 hours i said, "i bet i could fit in that

> box" (being up for a challenge)

> i concocted the plan to get a guy from the office

> taken away for 2 minutes while i hid in the box.

> out he goes, lead by a co-conspirator.

>

> i hide in the box.

> he doesnt come back for 3 mins.

>

> then,, im hid in the box and the MD comes in the

> office.

> I keep quiet for 5 mins, starting to get very hot

> inside it.

>

> 10 minutes pass, the mds setteld in for a chat toi

> the graphic designer and no sin of my

> co-conspirator.

>

> 15 minutes later, with md still sat in the room

> talking through adverts text, my co-conspirator

> comes back in the room, lifts a flap to the box,

> and braisenly says

>

> "alright Will, what you doin' in the box".

>

> yes, i nearly died.

===============================================================

Ha ha - Brilliant >:D<

[Guest]

Worst was a job in a small solicitor's office in Windermere where the head of the practice chain-smoked in the office and just laughed when I told him I had asthma. The other 'girls' didn't like me because I wasn't local and sounded too posh for their liking. Minimum wage and a 50-mile round-trip every day, and I stuck it for five months. God they were bloody grim up there - in hindsight I would have been better off working on the till at the local Asda.

[Marmora Man]

  Quote

My worst experience was in a smoked salmon factory in Scotland. We had to dip our hands in neat detergent, which brought me out in a terrible rash, then slice the frozen salmon (made it easier to slice finely). Horrid work and my colleagues were extremely dour.

As P G W (Wodehouse) says " It is not difficult to discern the difference between a Scotsman and a ray of sunshine"!

[Tony.London Suburbs]

Usual type of stories...grabbed by the neck by The Company Number 2 who said he would kick the s**t out of me..B)..later said he was straightening my tie and the other Guys in the 15 Foot Office were sooooo focused on their work that they did not hear or see anything occurring 2 feet away..:))..S**t happens...told to NOT do any Company Work/Not to socialise with any other Employees...had my work job description changed to basically do WHATEVER the bosses wanted..sweep the yard/change toilet-paper/put in flourescent lighting(I'm IMpractical(as they knew) LOL...had someones(lost) leaving money collection miraculously put in MY pile of work during my absence(demonstrates "carelessness" and "irresponsibility")...told not to converse with any other Member of staff....that was all in the same workplace and they are only a few of the "character building" incidents over the years....I may be mistaken but I DID get the distinct impression that they rather I left..>:D<...oh! yeah! 2 Disciplinaries(same mob again!)...as I say,usual stuff:)):))

[bigbadwolf]

The funniest experience I had at work was when I was younger working as a dispatch rider in the city. In our control room where alot of riders would hang out waiting for their next job we had alot of Oriental pirate dvd sellers coming in and hawking their trade. One day a young Asian couple who had started their own business came into the head office to set up an account for deliveries. While they were waiting in the reception one of the managers saw them and oblivious to their legitemate reason for being there asked them if they could sell him a copy of 'Star wars', we all wet ourselves laughing.

The worst experience at work was in my present industry, the hazardous construction/demolition game. I was supervising the removal of a complex air conditiong system and getting the lads to sling the metal down the shoot after they'd cut it up. A large unit got stuck in the shoot and I rather foolishly stuck my head in to have a look and wilst I did this someone a few stories up chucked some more steel to dislodge it which it did but brought me within a second of having my head chopped clean off. I've gone into a sweat just typing this.

[ratty]

Having worked in homeless hostels for the best part of the last 10 years I have quite a few "worst stories". My fave however happened on a Friday night at large hostel in Endell St, Covent Garden. Each evening I used to go down to the basement before going home to have a few games of pool with the manager and some of the residents. One eve, myself and the manager had just broke off when I heard a fantastic crash, the sort of sound you would hear if someone knocked down a metal kitchen table.

Anyway, I ran to the bottom of the stairwell expecting to see a table or bench thrown down the stairs, but much to my disgust came across an 18 stone bloke called Mickey (*not real name) with a large part of his head missing! The stairwell had a huge gap down the middle of it and no suicide nets. Micky had fallen down between 4 and 8 flights. As I ran past to phone ambulance and fire brigade he let out an enormous fart!

I ended up at work until 11pm that night and the last thing I did was mop up Micky's blood (and pick a couple of teeth out of it). :(

Another amusing tale involved colleagues discovering wiring coming out of a female toilet cubicle in a hostel's offices. The wires were followed to a secreted room in the building where a whole load of videoing equipment was discovered. Turns out one of the workers had been secretly filming all the female staff on the loo for the last god knows how long.

Police were called and he was last seen legging it down Southampton Row! Dirty Bast@rd!