why having kids is the best thing ever

[SeanMacGabhann]

Indeed Natasha - it becomes you ;-)

[VeryBerryCherry]

In Daniel Gilbert's 2006 book "Stumbling on Happiness," the Harvard professor of psychology looks at several studies and concludes that marital satisfaction decreases dramatically after the birth of the first child?and increases only when the last child has left home. He also ascertains that parents are happier grocery shopping than spending time with their kids.

ha ha ha

If you want to have a laugh

[ChavWivaLawDegree]

I've been a mum for over 22 years and am glad my youngest has finally become more independent.

I love the fact I had my kids young and that I have a granddaughter at an age other women are having their first kids, but I feel like i've been looking after other people for long enough and am champing at the bit now.

I am a better grandma than I was a mum, but that's probably because I don't have to do it 24/7.

I love haveing kids and my kids are all talented, amazing and beautiful people, but I'm glad I've now got more time to myself!

[ChavWivaLawDegree]

Having post-natal depression twice didn't help either.

[ChavWivaLawDegree]

And neither did bringing them up mostly single handedly!

I am glad I have managed to get through what was very hard at times, because like I said my kids are amazing and even though I've been broke for ages, I feel rich for having four kids aged and a granddaughter who look up to me and come to me for advice and support.

i think the bottom line for feeling like kids are a blessing or just hard work depends on the amount of support you have and your propensity to post-natal depression.

[TillieTrotter]

Likewise Chav, my eldest will turn 19 this month and I have a couple of youngish boys. They have been hard work and them becoming more independant is certainly something to look forward to. However, I do feel very fulfilled due to having children. I built and ran a company whilst having children so that I could be with them as much as possible and it was bloody hard at times. I dont think I would have put the energy into it had I not had the children. My daughter is off to uni this September and I am in equal parts glad that one will have flown the nest to feeling a huge sense of loss that she wont NEED me in her daily life anymore.

As everyone says, its a personal choice and I can see why people would make the choice to be childless. My older brother choose not to have children and has been happily married for the past 15 years. However, in the last few years having watched and admired his nephews and nieces (one of my sons is the spit of him which he finds quite fascinating) he does have a few wobbles as to whether he has missed out.

[TillieTrotter]

Another point about them holding you back and as someone mentioned earlier about seeing things through fresh and excited eyes. I love my festivals and love the freedom of walking around slightly "other worldly":-$ but my best Glasto was a few years back when I took my 13 year old daughter and her mates for the first time. It was like going again for the first time. I also took my 11 and 13 year old boys this year to a different festo and again I loved the thrill of seeing their reactions to the hugeness and diversity they saw.

Excuse my waffling but I think what I'm trying to say is that they dont have to hold you back too much, you can still enjoy adult things but in a slightly different way.

[ChavWivaLawDegree]

"Excuse my waffling but I think what I'm trying to say is that they dont have to hold you back too much, you can still enjoy adult things but in a slightly different way."

Most def!

[citizenED]

Going in to check on my two little ones, last thing at night, when they are sleeping: That has got to be one of the very best feelings in the world. One of a hundred and one other unique and special sensations that comes of looking after youngsters.

Interesting to read the recent posts of CWALD and TT - people with older children. When we were thinking of starting a family I always looked at it as if we were bringing people rather than kids into the world. Puts it into a different perspective. The exhilaration and fear having babies to care for countered by the knowledge of being the genesis of another personality or three let loose in the world.

To be honest I was never starry eyed about having kids. Bit indifferent really. Had my life, my love, my career. If they came, imagined I would only come into my own when they were young adults and I could discuss books, films and art with them. And then they came, and boy, am I ever starry-eyed now. A complete and utter sap. Not ashamed to say that I completely adore them.

[TillieTrotter]

Citizen, that was beautifully put and you're an amazing sap for saying it.;-)

[SeanMacGabhann]

I'm finding this thread one of the best for ages.. some wonderful responses from people.

Responses are either heart-warming or honest and both are good

[annaj]

Heart-warming OR honest?

What's to say the heart-warming responses aren't also honest?

I have agree though, my heart sank when I first saw the title of this thread, but it's made surprisingly interesting and enjoyable reading.

[SeanMacGabhann]

Good spot annaj - I stand corrected. But the gist of my point was there. The (almost) total lack of cynicsm has been a plus

[DaveR]

If you do it right it imposes unselfishness on you, which can only be a good thing. It reminds you of innocent pleasures long-buried by cynicism and "sophistication". It puts ambition and materialism into context. It enables you to experience growing up as an observer and a mentor, and its an amazing thing. And when you get home from work and you hear running to the front door and then the kids jump on you and shout "Daddy" you forget about what a sh!t day you had, and momentarily, at least, everything is right in the world.

Heart-warming enough? I for got to mention - the house is a mess, you have to drive a sensible car, you can't get pissed on Saturday afternoons, they either get up bloody early or not at all, and it lasts a lifetime.

[PeckhamRose]

I have never wanted kids as my own childhood was shite and I remember thinking even as a kid "I'm not putting anyone else through this!" as I could not be sure I'd do a better job. What annoys me these days about some parents is that they think they have a godgiven right to be first/rude. That never used to be the case, did it? I dunno.

Linking this topic to that about the man with 20 kids on BBC - one thing is sure, that not all parents are the same!

But whatever they are like, when I enter a pub or restaurant and see kids, I still think I ought to go elsewhere as I usually do not tolerate screaming kids running around the place very well (no matter what class of accent they are screaming in!)

Having said that, often kids seem attracted to want to talk to me, and this doesn't surprise me too much because specially the area I live they know they won't be patronised, or talked down to, and will be treated as small adults, and not automatically treated with suspicion just because they are kids.

What I REALLY hate is when people say "You don't have kids, do you." As though I can't possibly love or care for a kid when I don't have any of my own? I remember being one! I still have love in my heart and am aware of it without breeding.

[????]

Chimneys cleaned for free

Good begging props

Give use for wasted space in cupboard under stairs - the most effective 'naughty step' by far imo

Older ones (above5) can look after younger ones whilst you go to Bookies/pub/Torremelionos

Well trained babies make good shoplifters

Spend all their Xmas money on booze

[boosboss]

Great thread :))

I'm one of the 'far too self obsessed to even consider giving it all up for kids', but I really do enjoy the benefits of having nieces and nephews. I get to see their faces light up when opening gifts at Christmas/Birthdays, listening to their laughter,singing and other happy stuff etc while still having the option of making my excuses and leaving when the grizzles, tantrums and bawling kicks in. I'm always the 'Good Guy' too. I don't have to be the one disciplining them, putting them to bed against their will, making them leave the playpark etc. It's great! My nephew wrote an essay at school about who inspires him. He wrote about me! I'm always 'Good ole Uncle Joe' I'm leaving all the real hard work to my siblings, there's six of them so I've got plenty of current and potential good times with kids ahead. Do I want my own? Nah! Why spoil things? :)

[HonaloochieB]

Is there some assumption on here that we all chose to conceive a child when in fact the intention was to have a good time? That's how it went with us. Loved my son dearly as a chld and continue to do so now that he's an adult.

Stop thinking about it too much, cut loose, have a few drinks and go through the shock of the positive pregnancy test, the discussion about whether to keep 'it', the acceptance of the relationship, the joy of the birth, the bonding with your darling boy, the break up with his mother and making the effort to be the best absentee father possible.

Feel vindicated by having the respect and love of your son when he could choose to not to want to know you.

Or you could just be responsible.

[Guest]

Also worth remembering that not having children isn't always a choice.

[HonaloochieB]

I've just looked at my post and realised that I could have said that myself and my son's mother used Brian Eno's 'Oblique Strategies' cards, drew the one that says 'Honour thy mistake as a hidden intention' and taken it from there.

I never think of these things in time.

It's just this inability on my part to grasp the zeitgeist that's prevented me from becoming a foremost non-musician, producer, political activist, perfumier, author and all-purpose intellectual.

Bollocks.

[indiepanda]

I've never felt inclined to have children, mainly I think because my parents found the responsibility involved weighed upon them somewhat heavily and as a result I don't remember childhood being much fun. They weren't bad parents in as much as they weren't alcoholics / abusers etc, and there was always food on the table and clothes on our backs. But they were very strict and no matter how good I was, it was never seemed good enough.

Having really only started to have fun as an adult, I'm frankly reluctant to give it up! Selfish I know, but better to be realistic about these things than have children and then resent them for the impact they have on my life.

I'm continually surprised at the number of people who talk to me like I am some kind of freak for not wanting children, or say things like "you might find you like it if you have them". Might?? And just say I did find I didn't enjoy being a mum? Can't take them back for a refund, once you're a mum, it's for life.

Perhaps I (like my parents!) take it a bit too seriously, but we're not exactly living in an underpopulated country, I reckon the world will survive without my offspring.

[Huguenot]

Gaaah! Indie, say it like you mean it! :))

Tillie, the only thing I've learning from you is that kids make you spel bad.

I'm wandering in the desert of existential angst here.

If I don't have kids then what's it all for?

If I do have kids, then really, for them? If I had any sense of responsibility then I'd never bring the little monkeys into existence anyway.

If I hadn't been such a nasty little shit of a teenager then I wouldn't be such a reasonable bloke now ;-), but I've no intention of sitting a sprog in front of a Tandy shop window and saying 'go on, steal it, steeeeeeeal it.'.

If I engendered a reasonable teenager then I'd be committing some other poor soul to a life of partnered penury.

You mummies and daddies haven't though this through. You think you're clever, I think you're bloody insane.

Mockers, can you two have some kids, Sean McG can dote on them, and I can twist their minds?

[SeanMacGabhann]

Everyone's a winner... sorted!

[citizenED]

It takes an (EDF) village to raise a child!

[TillieTrotter]

Why thanks for that Hugo, re-reading my posts can't see any glaring mistakes! Whereas;

"You mummies and daddies haven't though this through. You think you're clever, I think you're bloody insane." ::o