Help with bath/bed time with 2

[j-mo]

Hi

I've got a lovely 2 yr old son and a new 7wk old baby

I do bath/bed time on my own as my husband can't get home in time.

My son has always gone to bed well and we had a v pleasant evening routine that culminated in him getting into bed at 7pm quite happily.

I'm really struggling now handling the two of them and wondered if any other parents of 2 had some advice?

My eldest is getting progressively more naughty (lots of "no's" and refusing to do as I ask) and my youngest is pretty needy around that time of day. Most evenings now involve one or often both of them crying while I just grit my teeth to get it over with.

I've made some progress by bathing them both together (which seems to be preferable to not doing him at all as eldest is taken by the novelty and will gt in to help) but still struggling with story time.

Do I just have to man-up and battle on through in the knowledge that nothing ever lasts all that long where children are concerned? Or are there any clever strategies that I haven't thought of to make it easier??

Any suggestions?

J-mo

[bobby's bear]

Hi there,

I have 23 months between my two and have always done bed and bath myself.

The short answer is IMO there is no easy way in the early days, espec if the baby is crying alot in the evenings. I used to feed the baby when no 1 was in bath and during stories and worry about getting baby 'ready for bed' after no 1 had gone down. Baby didn't really have any bed time routine til about 5/6 months and then it got easier. I also (heart breakingly) ended up putting the baby downstairs if she was fed / winded etc but still crying as I found she was disrupting the toddlers settling down. Also baths slipped by the way a bit and no 1 prob only got bathed 2-3 x per week when I was feeling strong enough and to be honest that is still the way. I also found we had to start 'bedtime' earlier. Also getting PJ's / nappies / towels etc laid out ready in advance helps.

So the long and the short of it is I felt it was a bit of a 'grit your teeth and get on with it' few months, but it does get easier and now 10 months on I have getting two to bed down pat(most of the time!!) and both are usu tucked up asleep by 7 :o)

[enjoy]

no sure if that's helpful, but I wouldn't do bath every day.

none of them needs it on a daily base and it save your nerves.

and it will get better over time ... :-)

[j-mo]

Thank you

I have also been leaving #2 to cry when I have to be getting #1 into bed. There doesn't seem to be any other way. Makes me feel better to hear someone else say that's what they did too.

Ah well. It won't be forever and no doubt it'll do us all some good in the end...

[srisky]

I have 2y4m & a 13week old and I can really empathise. When on my own there was inevitably one always crying in the evening. It's easier now that the baby is older and will go to sleep much more readily, so hopefully that will be the same for you.

I was never a fan of bath time as part of the bedtime routine, as I found it too restrictive for the long-term so my baby doesn't expect that as a cue or need it to wind down before bed. I sing a lullaby (the same one every time) and play the music on his monitor, both of which I only use before bed/naps, although he still needs to be patted for a few mins. Perhaps, try something similar for your baby if you think that may help simplify the evenings in the longterm? Just a suggestion, of course.

In the shorter term, maybe consider:

- alternate day baths - we only ever bathed our elder one on alternate days so tend to bath the baby on the other evenings. However, there are days when the baby's nappy leaks so he has to have a bath!

- showering the elder one (in the bath with a shower attachment), which has cut down bath time from 30min to 5mins!

- getting your toddler to 'help' with the baby's baths e.g splashing water on his tummy, getting the nappy, the creams etc, they often love the sense of responsibility.

Good luck but, as I am sure you know, just when you think you've sussed it out....!

[Pickle]

I had 17 months between my first two, so bath time was tricky. I used to perch on the side of the bath feeding the baby while attempting to stop the toddler from drowning, and then leave #2 crying while I got #1 ready for bed. I'm happy to report they are now well adjusted school children who show no obvious signs of damage ;)

It gets easier, I promise. I now do bed/bath for 3 and its a breeze, big kids sort themselves out and read books while I put the little one to bed. Even hubby can do it single handedly!

[Saila]

i do bed/bath on my own too and after fulltime work (although that's easier than kids all day - it's still feels hard).

my toddler can be demanding too - the baby is easy though!

I put the baby in the bath (using a bath seat so I don't have to physically hold him)

Coax number two upstairs and insist he gets half undressed and I finish up

No. 2 gets in bath (both in at same time)

Baby out and changed and milk done while toddler plays in bath

He often shouts to get out but I ignore him

Then toddler gets milk and tv while I do bedtime with the baby (7pm)

then toddler stories at 715pm

If he's good, he gets a star reward (15 stars now gets him a zoo trip)

If he plays up, I put him in his bedroom and shut the door until he agrees to cooperate

seems to work - it's an exhausting and frantic time of the day. I feel for you.

[Pamela78]

It is so tough - there's two years between my pair and when the baby was very small, it was such a challenge and nearly always involved tears (often mine)! I'd generally feed the baby while my son was in the bath so she'd be calm whilst I put him to bed - and then settle her after he was asleep.

Now my daughter is 8 months old and my son nearly 3, it's so much easier - although still pretty hard work.

I put toddler in the bath while baby is in her bouncy seat in the bathroom

Quickly wash his hair etc and then leave him to play with his bath toys

Then I put the baby in the bath with him and wash her hair, let her have a splash around etc

Then I get her out and get her into her PJs in the bathroom

Once she's ready, I get my son out of the bath and take them both into his room where I get his PJs on and settle him down with the iPad / toys

I take her to her room and give her her milk and settle her in bed

And then head back to my son's room to do stories and bedtime with him

It does feel like a military operation sometimes - but so far has worked (and doesn't always make me feel the need for wine afterwards!)

I'm looking forward to the baby being a bit older so we can all do stories together

Good luck!

[ClareC]

15 mths between my two, agree with all the above, it is hard but it does get easier! Mine are 2 and 3 now and it's really easy!

When number two was tiny I would put them both in the bath together, baby in a bath seat thing. Baby out first dried and baby grow then toddler out. Think I would then feed baby whilst toddler watched bedtime hour / Night Garden etc and get baby to bed @ 6.30 which then gave me half hour for story and bedtime with toddler. I hated it!!!

Nowadays it's bath together, stories together in the little ones bedroom, big one says good night and goes to her own room to choose a story whilst I put little one to bed, I then rout big one to bed following anther story.

[alieh]

Ooooh this period was AWFUL! Bedtime used to be such a calm affair and then I felt so bad because the day always ended up with usually both crying! I think you just have to suffer it a bit...it didn't last long at that level of awfulness.

I did stumble upon a strategy that worked for us but might not for others....I realised that actually the baby would go down happily stupidly early whereas I was trying the more typical strategy of feeding baby while bathing toddler, etc, by which point the baby would be screaming for ages. So I actually ended up getting baby ready for bed while toddler was eating tea (did top and tail, dressing, etc. on the sofa near where toddler was eating), then put toddler in front of the TV and fed baby to sleep at something silly like 5:45 pm with super loud white noise so that toddler wouldn't wake him! Then took toddler up for bath and stories as normal at 6 pm.

You never know, it might work!

[SusieH]

I found the first few months pretty awful but now have almost the exact same routine as Pamela78 - the IPad is a godsend I find, especially as my now-3 year old loves a good 20 mins of Me Too on the iplayer which is perfect or getting the ten month old down. In the early days I resorted to a dummy after much resistance and it saved me for a while. Got rid of it at 8 months. Another friend put the baby in the sling for bedtime which worked for her. It really does get easier but I remember about 3 months in thinking this bedtime misery will never end. Also I always have a glass of wine and cheesy wotsits waiting downstairs as a reward.

Good luck xx

[canela]

the only thing that used to make my newborn no2 cry was going into her big brother's bedroom for bedtime. For a while I tried to read his story whilst standing up and rocking her, before I felt enough was enough. Change of tactic - we all got into my big bed together, he would watch a nature programme or something calm whilst I gave her the nighttime feed and she would fall asleep. Then I would turn off telly and tell my son a story. Then he would roll over and go to sleep next to me, and then I'd pop both in their beds. Bedtime stopped being a time of real stress and anxiety to something pleasurable, and I also enjoyed a moment to put my feet up before starting on the evening chores.