Small morning rewards for 3 year old - suggestions needed!

[Norfolkvillas]

Good evening, wise forumites. I'm just about to start my second week back at work after having my second baby, and am still absolutely exhausted from the first week. My 6m old is up a couple of times in the night as I've just stopped feeding her - she's happy to take a dummy and resettle herself pretty quickly, but my 3 and a half year old, who was a brilliant sleeper as a baby, but not so much as a toddler / preschooler, is also up a couple of times most nights for reasons known only to himself.

Last night I was up at 2am (son), 3am (son), 4.30am (daughter), 6am (daughter) and then they were both up at 7.10am to start the day.

So I'm really keen to eradicate the 3yo's wakings if at all possible. My question is twofold:

Firstly, we need to take the sides off his cot (I know, I know, we're really late doing this, but he's only just started climbing out himself) - does the forum think I should do this now and deal with the night wakings and 'big boys bed' simultaneously, or should I try and solve the night wakings first and then take the sides off his cotbed at a later date?

Secondly, my idea to incentivise him to not call out for me in the night (and potentially also not get out of his big boys bed) is to get a jar of small toys, from which he can choose something every morning if the night has gone well. I'm envisaging little plastic dinosaurs or animals encased in those plastic spheres that you used to get from machines that you put 20p into..... Can anyone suggest where I might buy something like this, or something similar?

Or, any other suggestions for my sleepless plight are more than welcome!

Apologies for inordinately long post for insignificant issue - jeez, and am expected to make sense in meetings at work tomorrow too :-(

[melbourne groover]

Is he particularly into anything in particular, Octonauts, Spider-Man, toy story etc. we used Disney princesses for exactly this situ with my daughter. I bought the pack of ten and gave her one for each morning she had not got up. I broke the pattern, but they have to be into it. Not sure this would have worked with my son to be fair...

Good luck anyway!

[womanofdulwich]

where is your partner in all this?

can you make the big bed a star chart reward -ie go and look at beds and duvets and 10 nights in a row = new bed etc?

[Polly D]

Marble jar? He gets a marble every time the night has been good, once the jar is full he can swap it for a treat. Like the sticker reward chart basically.

Amazon or yellow moon http://www.yellowmoon.org.uk/ are good for the packs of little dinosaurs you mentioned.

Good luck!

[Indiana]

You must be exhausted!

We have had similar issues lately with our eldest... (Who you know!)

A friend recommended a button jar (you can use pasta or similar but she loves things like buttons). Anyway - each night she stays in her bed and doesn't wander into our room she gets a button in the jar. After 7 buttons she gets a new magazine - holy grail in our house.

It seems to have worked for now resetting her pattern. She is still coming in once a week or so but it went through a phase of every night which was driving me mad. I am sure they are still adjusting to the arrival of the little ones still.

My old nanny said they may be craving our attention without baby in tow and another suggestion was you and him writing out a load of activities on different cards - things he would like to do with just one of you ( and without baby) ie cafe with mummy, swings with daddy. He then chooses a card and has to stay in bed for 3/4/5 nights to be rewarded with the treat.

Hope it gets better soon

[amydown]

That sounds really horrid Norfolkvillas. My 3.5 yr old toddler was a terrible sleeper for a long time (as you know Indiana!) and I truly sympathise.

He had got really good before his baby brother arrived and then when the little one was around 3-4 months, his sleep regressed big time. I fought it for a while and then just let him come to our bed at night whenever he woke up. Having said that, I secretly enjoy my cuddles with him so I can't moan!

We have started the sticker chart again at my husband's insistence and it is working so far. 5 stickers and he gets a BIG BIG toy (well, max budget of ?10).

Hope it gets better for you soon.

[Norfolkvillas]

Thanks all. We've never had lasting success with 'delayed gratification' systems such as star charts / pebbles in the jar etc, but I love the card idea Indiana - I will keep that one in reserve.

Yellow moon looks like a good site so I'll have more of a browse of that. He's not really into any one thing or character, so I think wrapping up generic little animals / dinosaurs / pirates is the way to go.

WomanofDulwich, that's a great idea about making the big bed itself a reward - will implement immediately. As for your question about where my partner is during all this, well, the answer is, snoring in bed next to me with earplugs in.... I guess that's for another thread another time - haven't the energy to bemoan gender inequalities right now!

Seems like it's such a common thing for an older child to be wakeful around the arrival of a sibling, so I will just keep repeating the mantra we all know so well.

[sbain]

On a slight tangent - I had a similar problem with my nearly 3 year old son which we tackled by telling him that he could have a cartoon in the morning if he slept all night in his own bed. . (He loves TV and I'm not massively keen on him having too much screen time). Now the problem has resolved itself and he sleeps most nights in his own bed if not sick etc (I just wish his younger brother did - but I guess one problem at a time). But he still watches a cartoon every morning - it seems that the reward contines long after the problem is resolved. So my question is how do I now stop the cartoon when he sleeping all night in his own bed?

[Norfolkvillas]

sbain, could you repurpose Indiana's cards idea above? Ie you and your son could fill in the cards together, one of which is watching a cartoon, so it breaks the pattern of a cartoon every morning?

By the way, I think I know you in real life! I'm going to PM you now to see if you are who I think you are!

[bobbly]

The other thing you could try is the marble jar idea as previously suggested, but not necessarily reward with a treat. Sometimes there is satisfaction in acknowledging good behaviour. It can be said that this is enough. Treats can come anyway as they do from time to time. It's often said that bad behaviour is often a result of seeking attention. If attention is given to good behaviour then the child is most likely to repeat the good behaviour as it gets them the attention they want. I always notice when I become slack at acknowledging my childs good behaviour, he starts playing up!

[bobbly]

just read your the title..of course you want to reward him... sorry i speed read it and followed on from someone elses suggestion. parden me.

[sandy_rose]

What do you do when he wakes in the night? Is he getting something out of it (attention) or do you just march him

Back silently to bed with minimal fuss?

I totally sympathise as had to go back to work with second baby waking constantly every 1 or 2 hours and getting progressively worse. I called Nic from childsleepsolutions and it was sorted in two nights. Best ?75 ever spent!!

What also helps is going to bed super early yourself, ie 8.30pm to get a good chunk of sleep in before they start to wake. And earplugs.

Re big boys bed I'd wait personally if you think he'd find it too much of a change but if you think he'd get all excited about choosing new bed, sheets etc perhaps he'd be more likely to stay in it? And you can always threaten with the old bed back if he doesn't stay in it!

[sandy_rose]

Ps re morning rewards could it simply be letting him choose a favourite cereal or letting him have some juice or anything that would feel more 'special' if he's been good all night?

[Norfolkvillas]

Hmmm, I would definitely call in professional reinforcements if I thought it would help with either / both, but I actually don't feel either kid is waking to play me up. The youngest is just still settling into sleeping for longer periods and the 3 year old doesn't really even seem to be totally with it when I go in, even though he's standing in his cot howling like banshee. I suspect it's just a reassurance thing and it will pass, but it's tough with double the amount of little people to keep you from sleeping.

Bobbly, perhaps I should have said incentivise instead of reward - your post is a good reminder about noticing the good - it's so easy to forget!