Childcare when back at work - Thoughts needs from others in similar position

[Undiscovered]

Debated which section to put this in, as not an imminent thing and no recommendations needed, I am just wondering what others do.

I am on mat leave with no 2 until Jan when I will return 4 days to my job. In between babies I got a new job internally which puts me in charge of a team and is rather stressful (but I love it). I quickly got pregnant so it was only a temporary concern before I went off again.

No 1 is in nursery as will be no 2 from January. This I do not want to change as no 1 loves nursery and has absolutely thrived there, but its 8-6 and so it means I am 9-5 in the city (hubby is great at weekends but average days are 14 hours so is not there during the week). My family are 200 miles away - sniff.

So... My ideal scenario went I return to work is for the two girls to attend nursery, and I get someone to help me both around the house and with childcare. But it won't be that much childcare (at least initially) eg picking up from nursery 2 nights a week and putting to bed. Before they did this I would love them to come and clean/wash/iron and maybe do some cooking. Can't imagine it will be more than 12 hours a week, but it could well be variable (eg on bad weeks I may need him/her every night.

Does this person exist?? Am I kidding myself? What should I expect to pay? Any other helpful advise?

Thanks EDF :0)

[midivydale]

Hi,

This work-motherhood balance is a juggling act isnt it? You may have to find two or more people for your needs ie one to do cooking/cleaning (and could have set hours each week) and one person who can be more flexible with childcare/pick ups?

Just a thought, I am sure that there are others out there with more experience on the matter.

[Undiscovered]

Yep that's definately one option. I thought about combining to increase the hours, so it's more appealing, but then I know you have a much smaller pool of people to pick from who are willing to manage the house as well as childcare. So a number of people may be a good way to go, thank you. God I wish my mum lived closer :0(

[monniemae]

What about an au pair (if you have a spare room)? Also I think the old fashioned name for what you describe is "mother's help", might be worth checking out simply childcare etc x

[oimissus]

would it be worth having a nanny for the baby, who could do drops offs/pick ups for the older one too, and have a cleaner come in for a few hours a week? Nanny-share could be even more cost-effective?

[Smiler]

One person doing all of it (nanny housekeeper) could work out expensive on top of nursery fees.

How old is your eldest? If near preschool or school age, it might be worth planning even further ahead: if, for example, a nanny would be needed then you could consider it now.

If the main problem is having to leave work at 5pm, could your partner amend his hours so that you could work late one or two nights a week?

Or switch to a nursery that closes later, or a nanny for a short time a couple of evenings a week, which might suit local sixth-formers, students or an older person.

In addition you could get a cleaner / ironing service, although still takes your time if you want to be there to let them in and out. And both the cleaner and nanny would be an insurance risk, eg if they left the door unlocked or something, so you'd need to check that.

[Undiscovered]

Thanks for all the responses. I think I am going to struggle from the sounds of it :0(. Definitely want both kids in nursery rather than a nanny for no 2, and not wanting to move nursery as its amazing and v near my house (seconds walk). I think I am going to have to get a cleaner/housekeeper to "run the house" then just leave on time and work in the evenings. Hubby changing hours isn't an option (he's the only member of his team with a working wife). Honestly, I just need my mummy :0). Thanks all! Now back to enjoying mat leave x

[Undiscovered]

Thanks for all the responses. I think I am going to struggle from the sounds of it :0(. Definitely want both kids in nursery rather than a nanny for no 2, and not wanting to move nursery as its amazing and v near my house (seconds walk). Never wanted a live in au pair (despite me thinking thats the best fit for our circumstances). I think I am going to have to get a cleaner/housekeeper to "run the house" then just leave on time and work in the evenings. Hubby changing hours isn't an option (he's the only member of his team with a working wife). Honestly, I just need my mummy :0). Thanks all! Now back to enjoying mat leave x

[LondonMix]

Sounds like you might need a nanny-house keeper in the evenings. If you could make the position live-in it will be easier for you to find someone who can be flexible (if you have the room and are comfortable with that). Good luck!

[srisky]

We have a someone to collect our daughter from nursery, give her a snack and bath her. The person we have happens to work at another nursery and wanted some extra money. This works well for us,as she already has a full-time job, CRB checked etc so the 8 hours/wk she works for us is not measly (if this was her sole employment) and fits in well with her main work. However, this setup would not cover the housework for which you may need another person. I empathise, neither my husband nor I can make it back from work for 6pm; longer nursery hours are not that common and we felt that made the day too long for our daughter. Good luck!

[oimissus]

'Hubby changing hours isn't an option (he's the only member of his team with a working wife).'

this has depressed me immensely. Are there still employers out there who are such dinosaurs that they think either wives shouldn't work, or that their jobs aren't as important? You are both working parents. Equal. No reason why your employer should be expected to be more flexible than his.

sorry, doesn't help you, but that's rubbish for you.

[Undiscovered]

OM - agree entirely. Yep, depressing though it is its true. Core hours 7am-6pm, and lucky if we get that. Always been the case but it kills him being a weekend Dad (but he loves his job too). Fortunately my boss is extremely understanding (I laid out my situation when I was offered the job). However, honestly I do think I need some element of flexibilty to enable me to do my job better.

Srisky we must be in the minority on this it seems (I don't know anyone personally other than sms who have sole nursery responsibility). Agree 8-6 is long enough at nursery (they are tired enough after that).

I am struggling to have it all it seems....

[Ole]

The level of inflexibility of some employers is shocking, I have so often been made to feel that I should be grateful that I am being 'allowed' to work part-time at all given my 'circumstances' (i.e. don't want to hire full time childcare so that I can actually spend some time with child). My husband is the main breadwinner by far in our household therefore I only work part-time, but boy are they making me work hard for it...(basically you just end up doing one-and-a-half full time jobs but on half the salary).

[EmmaCC]

Ole- agree entirely...I work 4 days a week but in reality feel like I'm working 5- was told by my boss that my target remains the same as when I was working 5- not sure of the rationale behind that?! Just had chart sent round work showibg that over the last 6 months I recorded more chargeable hours than my colleagues who are contracted for 5 days a week- feel like asking for my salary to go back up to what I was earning when I was full time!! Funny how I still feel that I should be grateful for being 'allowed' to come in late and work late or do an early day so I can actually take my children to nursery! Can we have it all? Yes we can but its bloody tiring, emotionally and physically draining and (after paying nursery fees) not financially rewarding! Sorry slightly off topic...!

[oimissus]

I agree this is all crap, but what I was really thinking was the inflexibility from men's employers, and the assumption that anything child-related, be in nursery drop-off / pick-up, or taking time off because of your child's illness, should still be covered by the woman, particularly if she is part-time. That seems to be what the OP's husband's employer thinks, and from what I've read on Mumsnet he's not alone (though I also get the impression that a lot of the men themselves think this too!). Sometimes I find myself thinking we're lucky because Mr Oi's employer isn't like this - but we're not lucky, he simply has an employer who is acting properly. He puts in the hours when needed but in return isn't made to feel like a pariah for taking time off because his daughter has chickenpox and his wife has started a new job. At the mo he is doing both drop off and pick up as my working days are longer, as is my commute, but once I'm past my probationary period I know I will be able to alter my hours so that we split it. But for now he's 9-5 on the dot and there's bugger all anyone can, or should, do about it.

[midivydale]

Yes, what nonsense. When my son was ill recently my oh needed to take some time off (I had just returned to work from mat leave and would rather not take time off so soon).

My partner's boss response was "does the poor child not have a mother?" My partner's response?

"oh yes, he does have an excellent mother, one with a career".

[oimissus]

hahahaaaaaa, that's brilliant!

[Ole]

I find the whole thing a massive, constant guilt trip.

[Chillaxed]

I totally agree that men and women should be treated equally when it comes to flexible working hours. But unlike some posters I am grateful when my boss lets me come in late or leave early or work from home. It's not ideal for my company when I do that and it's my choice to work and have kids.

[Ole]

Chillaxed Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I totally agree that men and women should be

> treated equally when it comes to flexible working

> hours. But unlike some posters I am grateful when

> my boss lets me come in late or leave early or

> work from home. It's not ideal for my company

> when I do that and it's my choice to work and have

> kids.

Agree, but it was not my choice that the price of living is going through the roof so that we have no option but to carry on working (and not to fund yearly holidays to Klosters etc, I am talking about paying household bills). Also I don't think there is a man/woman division when it comes to flexible working, I just think that very few employers are truly openminded in their so-called flexible approach to workers' hours. I am 'allowed' to take time out when my child is ill (which would not be a scenario for a non-parent worked), but the flipside is that I have little choice but to accept a full-time workload on a part-time hours and salary, so that not only I get the pleasure of effectively working for free, I get made to feel guilty about it too when I do have to take time off for children-related stuff. I don't think this is just because I am a woman, I think if I were a man who is the main carer I would have the same issues. And before anybody asks, no, there isn't much choice when it comes to part-time jobs in my sector so it is a matter of take it or leave it.

[Didine]

Hi Undiscovered,

I am in a similar position as yours... I would say a cleaner to help your family with cleaning, washing etc several times a week...

And someone to pick up your children.

Else have you thought about leaving at 5.00pm and working from home for another 1 or 2 hours once the kids are asleep?

What about your parents in law? It could be a great opportunity to create a close relationhips between grands parents and grand children. Some Children's friends are picked up by the grand parents on Tuesday evening at the nursery, then sleep at their grand parents and spend Wednesday with them and the grand-parents bring them back on Wednesday evening. I wish I could do that!

Agree with what is said above and I no longer do with guilt, especially when I know that the work I used to do until 5.00pm is done until 11.00pm by my replacement.

[alieh]

Chillaxed, not sure why I should feel grateful to my employer for letting me have some flexibility in my working hours...Someone has to have children - perpetuation of the human race and all that (plus future customers and worker bees from the employers perspective!). Off topic though.

I know it can be hard to contemplate a change in childcare situation, but over the months you might want to consider the option of a full time nanny instead of nursery X 2 plus housekeeper plus extra childcare. Cost wise it will probably work out cheaper and will give you so much flexibility. Your eldest will fairly soon (presumably) be eligible for a free nursery place once over 3 years so can get a new nursery experience that way? Our nanny runs our house and our lives so much more efficiently and effectively than we could and is brilliant with the kids. It makes such a difference having the flexibility.

[Undiscovered]

Thanks for all the comments - it's really interesting to see others perspectives.

For now I am going to live in denial and deal with it in January. God knows what I am going to do. All I know is that us working mums (actually all mums, apologies) always cope and make it work somehow, some way!

[esme]

If you want a nursery I would visit and put names down now as waiting lists are horrendous generally, ditto some good childminders, otherwise lots of nannies and au pairs so those options worth considering. Source directly using the forum and Gumtree or use an agency - East Dulwich Nanny Agency or Tinies for example. Treehouse Work and Play is great if you want respite as they have a creche and you can work or go off and shop and have some free time for a few hours. Hope you find the right childcare for you - always seems like a huge mountain but it gets sorted out in the end :) Good luck x