Travelling alone at 10-years-old

[Bellenden Belle]

It has been a long time since I posted on here but in the past there have been sensible and thoughtful responses to parenting dilemmas so I?m hoping that might still be the case.

My son is due to start Year 6 (a year earlier than typical) at a secondary school in Croydon in September. His father lives in Honor Oak Park and is insistent that a walk, train journey from HOP station to east Croydon and then a bus is an acceptable commute to be undertaken independently by a ten year old. I have undertaken a trial run which was unsuccessful with my son missing his stop. I think it is simply too much to expect from a child in year six and will result in unnecessary stress and could possibly leave him vulnerable.

Anybody have any thoughts?

[Al_Gardener]

My son is just finished Y6. By the last term most kids seem to be making their way to school on their own, either all the way or part of the way. It's a good intro to travelling to secondary and typically the distances are smaller, and mostly walking.

Like everything it depends a bit on your child, but maybe he should be escorted all the way to start, then maybe only to the stop he gets off etc and gradually intoduce it.

Some that travel a bit further had phones so they could contact adults if needed.

Good luck, it's a tough one. If its possible workwise I would escort him until maybe the last term.

[Mariamadeit]

It really depends on the child and how wrong it could go? Is there anyone else doing a similar journey that could help?

[Bellenden Belle]

Mariamadeit Wrote:

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> It really depends on the child and how wrong it

> could go? Is there anyone else doing a similar

> journey that could help?

I have written to the school but the majority of children appear to be either taking the school bus (not available in Honor Oak Park) or are being taken by parents.

[Pugwash]

I would be apprehensive at letting a 10 year old doing the full journey. With anticipated train strikes he/you would need to be aware of alternative transport options. East Croydon is a very busy station and trains can suddenly change platforms. I do not know where Trinity School is but is it on the tram network? You can get trams from Beckenham and Elmers End. I suggest that you do the journey with him - maybe a few dry runs during the summer holidays.

Friends of my daughters went to secondary school in Croydon area and used to leave around 7 am to get train from Forest Hill, then a bus to school by 8.30 am. They did admit to my daughter who went to Sydenham Girls, that they were envious of her short journey.

[Duc748]

Firstly congrats on your son getting into Trinity. I've heard its a very good school and a tough entrance exam. I know a boy who started Year 6 last year at Trinity and lives in the area. He's done a similar commute by himself since he started.

If the Japanese can send their 3yo's on shopping runs alone, then your boy should be able to catch a bus and a train. Get him a phone, either a smart one if you want to track him or a Nokia brick so he can make calls if there's a problem. After a week or two, he'll be fine with it. Best of luck.

[Sonners]

Could the school help connect you to a sixth former who lives nearby who could help your son navigate the journey

for some easy money until he is confident enough to do it himself? I think the beginning of year 6 is quite early to start a commute from HOP to Croydon, especially it?s a new school/journey for him.

[oimissus]

I think that you/his father will need to do the journey (both ways) a number of times with him, both over the summer and then when he starts school. He'll probably pick it up fine. Make sure there's an alternative route for invariable delays and cancellations.

It sounds quite a journey but equally I don't think you can write it off after one attempt.

But personally I wouldn't be sending my child to school requiring this kind of journey (both in terms of complexity and duration) if there are closer options.

[Bellenden Belle]

His father has chosen to move to HOP whilst I live a single bus ride away so whilst this is a difficult journey to navigate, it is the right school for my son who fortunately will enjoy the benefits of an excellent school he?s earned through an academic scholarship.

oimissus Wrote:

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> I think that you/his father will need to do the

> journey (both ways) a number of times with him,

> both over the summer and then when he starts

> school. He'll probably pick it up fine. Make sure

> there's an alternative route for invariable delays

> and cancellations.

>

> It sounds quite a journey but equally I don't

> think you can write it off after one attempt.

>

> But personally I wouldn't be sending my child to

> school requiring this kind of journey (both in

> terms of complexity and duration) if there are

> closer options.

[Bellenden Belle]

I like this idea. Thank you! I?ve asked for a phone call with the head.

Sonners Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Could the school help connect you to a sixth

> former who lives nearby who could help your son

> navigate the journey

> for some easy money until he is confident enough

> to do it himself? I think the beginning of year 6

> is quite early to start a commute from HOP to

> Croydon, especially it?s a new school/journey for

> him.

[Sonners]

One of my friends has done this for her (Yr 4) daughter and it works well. I am waiting for my youngest to get a bit older and would then like to do similar!

Bellenden Belle Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I like this idea. Thank you! I?ve asked for a

> phone call with the head.

>

>

> Sonners Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> > Could the school help connect you to a sixth

> > former who lives nearby who could help your son

> > navigate the journey

> > for some easy money until he is confident

> enough

> > to do it himself? I think the beginning of year

> 6

> > is quite early to start a commute from HOP to

> > Croydon, especially it?s a new school/journey

> for

> > him.

[hammerman]

This is too much for a 10 year old to undertake. I'm quite shocked that you are asking this question!

Mature enough as you think your child is they do not have the capacity to make sudden and important decisions!

[kristen]

hammerman Wrote:

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> This is too much for a 10 year old to undertake.

> I'm quite shocked that you are asking this

> question!

>

> Mature enough as you think your child is they do

> not have the capacity to make sudden and important

> decisions!

What are you talking about? Bellenden Belle was asking for advice, why is this so shocking?

I wish I'd had a community to do this with when my children were young.

It seems as though you haven't bothered to read anything she said or completely missed how careful she's been thinking this through and trying to see what would work.

It reads like you've just read the thread title and rushed to judgment.

How is this helpful?

[hammerman]

I'm in the minority and I'm quite shocked that you would send a 10 year old on this journey and that's before they've even started their school day.

[Moovart]

I think it's miserable for children to have to start a daily commute at such a young age when there are perfectly good schools in walking distance of home. Commuting is miserable enough as an adult but for children....well I wouldn't have liked to do it for 6 or 7 years.

[cactus]

Moovart Wrote:

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> I think it's miserable for children to have to

> start a daily commute at such a young age when

> there are perfectly good schools in walking

> distance of home. Commuting is miserable enough

> as an adult but for children....well I wouldn't

> have liked to do it for 6 or 7 years.

I agree, my son started to commute from Year 7, only a short direct train journey but it has stressed him out at times.

He's fine on the normal days, but there are so many cancellations, timetabling changes and delays to contend with. Yes it's part of life, they do adapt etc, but it's no fun waiting on the platform for 30 mins on a freezing winter's night when Southern have cancelled his train home.

[hellosailor]

You haven?t read the whole thread then I assume?

BB lives a simple bus ride from the school. The issue is that her ex, the child?s father, has chosen to live several miles away from his children. His choice of course, each to his own and absolutely his choice where he lives. But there?s an issue now - as I understand - because the dad isn?t worried about the child making this commute from his house on days when the child has stayed at his. As you say the journey is potentially too complex for a 10 year old especially if there are disruptions, if his dad is keen to have him stay over on school nights then the onus should be be on him to get his son safely to school. Bellenden Belle is right to go with her gut instincts about what her son can manage rather than bend the logistics to suit an adult.

hammerman Wrote:

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> I'm in the minority and I'm quite shocked that you

> would send a 10 year old on this journey and

> that's before they've even started their school

> day.

[hammerman]

Erm, I did read the OP's post and they asked for opinions?

I alone didn't say the journey is too complex for a 10 year old so do not quote my messages.

[hellosailor]

.

[RoundTable]

Moovart Wrote:

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> I think it's miserable for children to have to

> start a daily commute at such a young age when

> there are perfectly good schools in walking

> distance of home. Commuting is miserable enough

> as an adult but for children....well I wouldn't

> have liked to do it for 6 or 7 years.

Completely agree. In other parts of the world children walk for miles to go to go school because that?s literally the nearest school to them. Puts the OPs question into perspective. Especially given the proven disadvantage that private schools now give kids. The quality of state schools is now so high that actually a private education is seen in some sectors as a disadvantage. The only reason for private school in the UK is for the same reason as having a SUV in London.

In reply to the OP, a 10 year old could do the journey. The real question is: us it necessary?

A few months ago somebody was asking if a car drive from greenwhuch to dulwich for a 5 year old to go to JAGS was doable. It is doable, but it?s also a ridiculous thing to do unless JAGS is your nearest school.

[Bellenden Belle]

Thanks everyone for your comments. I didn't ask for opinions on the value of an independent education but thanks for your thoughts anyway.

Interestingly, many of the respondents are so quick to criticise my choice of school that they are failing to see the dilemma. I do not live in the same part of SE London as the father of my child, who has chosen to move away from the family home and live in a different part of town. And therefore my child has to get to school from two different addresses - whether that be a state school or an independent school.

As for "nearest state school" - there is no natural catchment where I live and many children have to commute to their secondary school. This notion that all secondary schools are a five minutes hop skip and a jump from a front door is complete fabrication.

So actually to reframe the question, at 10, should a parent still take responsibility for a child's safe journey to and back from school.

But by all means, use my thread to climb on your soapbox and berate me for the terrible disadvantages I am bestowing on my children.

[RoundTable]

To answer your question: yes, a patent should take responsibility for the journey to school and by this I mean it is the responsibility of the parents to assess the proposed journey and the suitability of the journey for the child and what measures need to be put in place to ensure that the child is able to go to school safely (this may include taking the child to school until they are able to do so safely on their own regardless of age).

In principle, a 10 year old could do the journey you describe. In practice, could your particular child do the journey? That?s up to you and it is your role as a parent to assess their capability. Some children mature at different speeds.

[hellosailor]

I agree there have been some extraordinary responses to your post, made all the more baffling by the fact that they largely completely ignore the facts that you outline. Your instinct that the journey - which as you make clear he must make on some days because he has two homes - is too complex for a ten year old, or at least your ten year old, who you know best, is completely sound I think. The issue has been created because rather than take responsibility for the fact that on the mornings your son wakes up at his dad?s he needs to be taken to school, your ex has chosen to decide that your son is old enough to do it alone when he isn?t. You absolutely don?t have to agree to this. I presume the reason his dad doesn?t want to make the journey with him is because he has to get into work for a certain time? If that?s the case then he really does need to accept that this is a dilemma faced by lots of parents but the responsibility lies with him to negotiate his working hours or whatever is necessary to get his primary school aged child to school safely. He needs to accommodate the logistical difficulties that have arisen from his son having two addresses, not the other way round. he wants his son to sleep over at his house on school nights and what comes with that is a responsibility to get him to school the following morning.

[oimissus]

Actually, to be fair, a lot of that isn't clear from the OP's first post - that her son's father lives in a different part of town to her (or that her son's journey to school is more straightforward from hers than from his father's) or that he moved part way through this process.

My comment has nothing to do with his education being state or private - my own daughter is at a local(ish) private school and one of the things that informed our choice of indies was the logistics of the journey - a single short train ride (with back up bus if needed) rather than a hellish drive or complicated walk/bus/walk with maybe a train thrown in for good measure - it became such a mare I never quite fathomed it out.

[Pugwash]

With many separated parents now having joint responsibility for their children and children living part of the week with each parent, these dilemmas will become more common place. I have family members who live in separate addresses to their children.Normally the 2 primary aged children would reside with Mum and attend local school (10 minute drive away no access to public transport) When staying over with Dad, it was his responsibility to get the kids to school which involved a much longer car drive, he then went off to work.

Suggest you look at your son staying fewer nights or predominately weekends at his Dad's to reduce the need to make such a difficult journey. Presumably Dad will pay all transport costs !!