Baby number 3? Too much?

[WorkingMummy]

Fuschia, hat off to you. You have a huge heart. Even if I could transport the skills and experience I've built up over the last four and a half years back into my pre-motherhood brain, I'd be seriously daunted by the prospect of twins alone. The capacity which lots of people have for love and perspective in a very full parenthood like yours is a very reassuring sign about our species. And makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

I have definitely hit my limit.

I think.

[Pickle]

I will freely admit that having 3 children I would happily have 4. We are already outnumbered, the house is noisy, there's always washing needing done, what difference would one more little person make (other than, and I guess significantly/shallowly for me, having to give up my relatively fancy car and buy a people carrier)? Ideally the gap we had between 1 and 2 would have been nice between 3 and 4 - but I would have to be 5 months pregnant already!

It's not to be though - notwithstanding my age, I had a liver condition in pregnancy with all 3 babies which got progressively worse. With #3 it meant that I was really ill, which affected my older children (who even now will bring up the fact that they saw me crying, with bleeding arms and legs, and they were very aware that I spent a lot of time in hospital), and the last couple of months of my pregnancy were terrifying due to associated stillbirth risks. I couldn't put myself or my family through it again.

I think anyone at the point of considering a 3rd really must want another one :)

[Fuschia]

It was just a sort of twisted logic. We don't have e space or money for the twins, so why not go ahead and have another. Sort of on the basis that the only reason NOT to want lots of gorgeous cuddly kids was the practical, sensible stuff like affordability.

And also our standards have long since dropped sufficiently that wrangling 3 under 3 was just about manageable.

That's why, for instance, I was always the mother doing e school drop in at least one child in pyjamas. And even worse, on occasion, the pick up too!

[Fuschia]

When no 1 was at the age the twins are now, I was 8m pregnant with twins. When the twins were the age no 4 is now, I was already 5m pregnant with the littlest. Bit scary.

[WorkingMummy]

I found being heavily pregnant with a 3 yo and 18 month old (not walking) and lots of stairs in the house way harder than I find having 3. I didn't suffer to the degree Pickle did, but always found pregnancy exhausting and hard (with the odd kidney stone and multiple migraine to deal with) and recognise what she says about "doing" another pregnancy to my existing children, let alone myself.

Will definitely stick.

But am savouring every single moment with my all-still-tiny children knowing - this is it now. A part of me would always say yes to one more, but I certainly feel like we've completed the family now. Did not feel that after having 2nd.

[Mick Mac]

We have 3 and was definitely a good idea to have the 3rd. 2 is nice but 3 makes a more interesting dynamic.

[pommie]

My daughters are aged 4 and 1 and although I would love another one we are not going to try due to me having quite serious complications with the youngest one.

If you are financially stable and feel you could cope then go for it

[bluesuperted]

Very interesting thread... Am currently in the babymoon period with my gorgeous 17 day old daughter - so we have one of each and a 2.7year gap. I think lots of people assume we're done but I was talking about number three in recovery (despite full VBAC attempt labour culminating in another emergency cs!). I just don't feel done, even though I feel SO blessed with the two I have, in fact if money and repeat c sections were not an issue I think I'd still be thinking of 4... (I kind of still am!!). But I want to wait a good amount of time before trying again so will see how things go, in the full knowledge that nothing is guaranteed with pregnancy and babies. My only fear in having three is the 'middle child' issue - have any of those with 3 experienced this yet or worrying about it for the future?

[Grotty]

ooo interesting. What is the middle child issue? I always thought the middle child was supposed to be the most normal?

[simonethebeaver]

I think it's that they don't have a clear role (although middle child would seem to be it!) and struggle to establish themselves.

My husband had two children living with him when we got married so my first was already number 3 and we had no option really, other than not having any which was never a possibility for me. We are expecting no. 4/2 next month and really don't notice it being lots. Partly of course the big age gap (older two 8/11 when baby arrived) meant that we weren't struggling with three small kids, but my stepdaughter is seriously disabled so in a way has her own high needs. She is now in residential care so this baby will take us back up to three full-time at home. We love it. I really want to have another after this but pregnancy appears to disagree with me so I need to see if I want to do it all one more time.

We need the seven-seater car and there will be bedroom sharing, and flights are prohibitively expensive, and we have no family support nearby, but the kids are fine, and I love the idea of them having each other when they grow up.

[etta166]

I'm not sure that "middle child" issues are so bad in a family of 3. With my friends when we were growing up it was more in the 5+ children families where the "middle" child/ren had issues about it. When you're in the middle, and you're not the oldest boy or girl, or the only boy or girl, or the sportiest or the prettiest or the clever one... you're just the lost and ignored in the middle one.

I'm shortly expecting my 3rd with some trepidation as my first 2 get on really well and I'm about to rock the boat! They are just 4 and just 2, and both very excited at the moment. I have no idea how I'll cope until my oldest starts at school in September, but I'm sure I'll muddle through.

[Ruth Campbell]

I had been reading this thread with interest as we had been contemplating no.3, but with a 2yo and 1yo was thinking that maybe we should wait a while. However, just found out that the next one is already on its way....!

[WorkingMummy]

Congratulations bubblebob! The dynamic between three so close really is wonderful and worth the work it takes out of you.

(Get as much help in as you can afford from 7 months pregnant for at least a year.)

:-)

[spanners45]

Congrats Bubblebob, great news! Nothing happier than the arrival of a new baby.

[ZoeG]

If my parents didn't go for a 3rd baby then I wouldn't be here so think it is a great plan. I am only on the first so have to get number 2 out the way first before thinking beyond that...

[midivydale]

Congratulations on your pregnancy bubblebob!

[canela]

I look at people with 3 with a twinge of envy and regret, as I love babies and being pregnant and even giving birth - as one poster said, why would you not want more little cuddly bodies around? However, we have decided to stick to 2 and I am fully behind our decision. Although we love it all, we have struggled these past years with a lot of non-child-related stress, plus the usual ups and downs of family life. Having been close to the bone a few times, I feel that a 3rd would break us as a couple and as a family. Sometimes you have to know when you're done and be extremely thankful for what you have - which we are. Congrats to all those with 3 and more, and to newly pregnants!

[Grotty]

Can I resurrect this thread to get more thoughts on whether no.3 is a good or bad idea!?

[simonethebeaver]

I now have a 3 and 1 year old and am definitely planning a third. My, possibly shallow, worry is that the other people I know who had their firsts when I did, and have had or are having seconds, are pretty much done with babies. So who will my new baby and I play with?!

[Pickle]

My three are now 7.5, 6 and 2.5, still no regrets. In the last few months the bond between my two girls (#2 and #3) has really strengthened, as the youngest is now at an age that she can play games that are led by her sister. Very sweet to watch.

I don't have any close friends locally who had babies at the same time I had #3, but it's never really bothered me to be honest. We go to playgroups, and as I'm "older" I find myself bonding with childminders rather than the younger Mums with first children the age of my third. Life still revolves around school, and I find my little one is much more excited at the prospect of spending time with a 6 year old than another 2 year old :)

[Sol]

For some families one child is enough, for other two and for other three or more; you have to follow your heart; I found it hard with one but always wanted two; I feel my family is now complete with two and I definitely don't want anymore; I want time for my husband and myself as a couple and can't even imagine another pregnancy, birth, sleepless nights, etc. I know families with three and four children which are very happy; it is up to your family, your personality, your circumstances.

[JDR]

We had three under three. First 2 planned, third a "happy accident". We were just at the point of thinking how many we would like ( had always said three) and found out when our middle child was 5 months old that we were having a third. I swore lots for a few weeks and did have to hire a nanny for odd days towards the end of pregnancy due to symphysis pubis problems and a 14 month old so needed lifting etc that I was virtually incapable of doing.

Littlest is now 6! Still my baby and I can't imagine life without her. We would never have planned a 14 month gap and there are 18 months of my life that passed in a blur but three is lovely.

I will admit we were influenced by the fact I am an only child and husbands brother not having children I want them to have people of their generation around them and cousins unlikely. Hopefully they will have one another until long after I'm gone

[alieh]

I was scared but always wanted 3....number 3 is now 20 weeks old and such a delight! I can't imagine her not being here already. But I think a lot depends on the baby, which of course you can't predict in advance. She is so easy, sleeps fairly well, rarely cries (very different to her two older brothers as babies!) so we've been lucky so far. If she was more challenging it would have been very, very difficult. We also have kept our childcare for older boys (to avoid having to start from scratch when I go back to work) which makes things very easy (if not beyond eye-watering expensive!).

[Mariamadeit]

Thinking about number three too, but transport... How do we all fit in a car, I have a 4 and 2 yo...?

[Half-Moon]

We did it. Result: joy, unexpected involvement and helpfulness of older siblings (then 6 & 7), mess, untidy house, more shouting in the morning getting ready for school, lots more washes and a lot less ironing, more hilarious and scary moments, a squashed working day, less time for TV, more joy, more shouting, more chaos, more lateness at school, more late pickups from school, more picnics, more eating grass and picking flowers, very little time for PTA or other volunteer stuff. Was it the right thing to do - yes from our point of view. Would I now want a 4th? Post-40, NO, definitely not.