Abusive people in Dulwich Park just now

[Angelina]

To the two old people in DP who just approached my 17 year old and said..

"for someone with a dog that big, you are very fat"

How FRICKING DARE YOU

1. approach a child

2. verbally abuse them

You have no idea of their mental state and I'm beyond words about how cruel you are.

[Alexthecamel]

I?m so sorry. I love the park but my teenagers have many tales of respectable older people having a pop there. You can reassure him there?s a certain type of bully who wouldn?t pick on a burly man or group, but singles out unthreatening people alone.

[Angelina]

Thanks Alex - I'm sorry to hear that your teen has also experienced this.

It's not the first time mine has - previously it's been things like

"you need to move. you shouldn't be sitting there and you're in my way" or

"you need to put your dog on a lead" and so on.

She's also been shouted at for not letting a child pet our dog. I wouldn't let a screaming kid near our dog either, they are not a toy.

To these abusive people, do not think you have the right to tell a younger person off or berate them. or even speak to them.

Funny it's never happened to my husband or me. As said above, a special type of bullying.

[Nigello]

Agreed mainly, but 17 is really not a child. 17 year olds can drive, go to war, etc. etc. (I can hold this fact and opinion and also agree that the person was abusive and should not have behaved like that so please, no online haranguing because it is not warranted.)

Also, the person may well be neurologically diverse and not act in the same way as other adults. If this is the case then my sympathy is mainly with them because they have a way harder time of it than most other people and may well not know that what they said is "cruel". But we don't know (though you did allude to the possibility).

[Alexthecamel]

Quite a reach there, to excuse blatant abuse.

Why not just agree this was bullying and as other posters have noted part of a pattern of behaviours from some park users.

[JohnL]

There was a time where 16 was beginning to be seen as the age of majority - not anymore and certainly not in the united states where anyone under 21 is now seen as basically a child.

The best response is to act as if the person is not there.

[Angelina]

thanks John - that is the only way - certainly not to acknowledge what they've said.

I think she was so shocked it took a while to process what they'd actually said.

[JohnL]

yes - and then you go home and think of all the clever things you could have said but didn't.

But actually saying nothing is best.

[IlonaM]

Nigello Wrote:

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> Agreed mainly, but 17 is really not a child. 17

> year olds can drive, go to war, etc. etc. (I can

> hold this fact and opinion and also agree that the

> person was abusive and should not have behaved

> like that so please, no online haranguing because

> it is not warranted.)

Legally, anyone under the age of 18 years is a minor, that is a child, whether or not that minor is mature for their age or not.

Two 'mature' adults bullying a teenager, child or adult is unacceptable and maybe you should have focused on that.

[Abeya]

17 years old a child???????

Mummy, you need to do a systems reboot! Your soon is a young man!

He needs to understand how the real world is.

Many people are not nice or don't say the right things.

what is important is that is knows what to do in those circumstances.

If they are telling him that he is fat then they are not really respectable and nice people, so definetely I wouldn't engage further with them. That is the safest thing isn't it? If that is how they introduce themselves nothing better will come down the road for sure.

If you son is in really a bit more padded that most of the rest he needs to address it.

Does it bother him and he wants to do something or it doesn't bother him and he lives happily with it.

I would say better be fat than too thin. At least you can still die, but you will die happy!

I it no one's business other than his though!

I am very fat myself. I don't give a s***.

I would turn to those people and say. "I know, I feel like telling a stupid person how stupid they are when I see them, but then I think they wouldn't get it" - that should sut them up, no?

[Angelina]

we should of course develop resilience as we mature.

It doesn't negate the fact that my daughter was out walking the dog quite peacefully and was approached and insulted by two random people.

Whether they are overweight or not (doesn't even matter and I won't comment), it's totally unacceptable.

My message was to these two people in case they read the posts on this forum. I would happily speak to them in person but I don't know who they are.

Child/ young person/ minor - all words being nitpicked here - the fact is that no one deserves to be randomly abused by strangers. Young people are probably less equipped to deal with it.

[Nigello]

Alexthecamel

I am sorry that I don't meet your requirments vis-a-vis how I should think and respond to a public post on a public forum in a democratic country.

Also, as I stated explicitly in my post, I agreed that the abuser was wrong and should not have behaved like that. and that I could hold this view but also note that 17 years old is not common parlance for a child.

Yet you decided to ignore that and demand that I Think Like You.

Please be more adult (16+) and enjoy the freedom that comes with having your own thoughts, some of which may be contradictory but do not necessarily have to cancel each other out.

I also pointed out that the person may have been neuro divergent yet you chose not to acknowledge that possibility (even though the OP did herself) and not give me credit for looking for a reason that may have helped the mother of the young adult come to terms with the name calling.

[Bic Basher]

The person is still 17. Teenagers mature at different stages, but NOBODY should have to put up with that type of abuse, if they're 17, 32 or 80.

Some people on this forum need to understand that the world has moved on from the "get on with it" mentality that we used to have in the supposed better days of the past.

[Angelina]

Nigello - I was not commenting on the mental state of the two people who approached my teen.

I was referring to my teen's mental state.

My teen's preferred pronoun is "they".

[Alexthecamel]

You can reply as you wish, I just wondered why you chose to focus and excuse the abusers. Victim blaming.

[Nigello]

I didn?t excuse them. Read what I said and tell me it doesn?t criticise the abuser.

?The person was abusive and should not have behaved like this,?

🤷‍♂️

[Brideshead]

1st world (or should that be East Dulwich) problem?

Impolite comment in a park? lol

[Peckham Park]

Deleted

[philosophie]

Wow, this is a horrible and hostile thread to read. I remember being 17 (many moons ago) and I really was a child, despite thinking I was all grown-up. I also remember how precarious self-image and mental health feels at that age. To the OP: I'm so sorry your child experienced that and I hope they realise, with time, that for every abusive person there is someone with a kind word too x

[Dogkennelhillbilly]

Brideshead Wrote:

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> 1st world (or should that be East Dulwich)

> problem?

>

> Impolite comment in a park? lol

Aren't you the guy that chucked a massive tantrum over a number of weeks because you couldn't get a free newspaper and you thought a librarian was rude to you?

[Sue]

Dogkennelhillbilly Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Brideshead Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> > 1st world (or should that be East Dulwich)

> > problem?

> >

> > Impolite comment in a park? lol

>

> Aren't you the guy that chucked a massive tantrum

> over a number of weeks because you couldn't get a

> free newspaper and you thought a librarian was

> rude to you?

Click on their name and you can see the general tone of their posts.

[sweetgirl]

Angelina Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> we should of course develop resilience as we

> mature.

>

> It doesn't negate the fact that my daughter was

> out walking the dog quite peacefully and was

> approached and insulted by two random people.

>

> Whether they are overweight or not (doesn't even

> matter and I won't comment), it's totally

> unacceptable.

>

> My message was to these two people in case they

> read the posts on this forum. I would happily

> speak to them in person but I don't know who they

> are.

>

> Child/ young person/ minor - all words being

> nitpicked here - the fact is that no one deserves

> to be randomly abused by strangers. Young people

> are probably less equipped to deal with it.

Regardless of age, if you are minding your own business no one has the right to bother you!

I?m sure the persons in question would not walk around Peckham or camberwell harassing people!

My motto is to respect those who respect me, if someone disrespects me then I have every right to disrespect them back if I choose to! (Regardless of their age) I am also aware some people have mental health issues??

Whilst out shopping in Peckham one day, many years ago, an old lady pulled my hair!

All sorts of obscenities were about to leave my mouth but when I looked at her I realised she may have had mental health issues??. On that note I just walked away.

[Brideshead]

Dogkennelhillbilly Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Brideshead Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> > 1st world (or should that be East Dulwich)

> > problem?

> >

> > Impolite comment in a park? lol

>

> Aren't you the guy that chucked a massive tantrum

> over a number of weeks because you couldn't get a

> free newspaper and you thought a librarian was

> rude to you?

Yep one & only. Are you the local busybody guy that is compelled to forcefeed his opinions into every EDF thread subject going?

??Thought? was rude?. Hmm. Council investigated my complaint, upheld it & also formally apologised.

Your sinking further into ill informed babbling. Maybe think before you comment, I?m not sure what to suggest.

And whilst we?re at it, what has any of this to due with poor etiquette in local park?

[LMCPR]

deleted

[Sue]

LMCPR Wrote:

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> Sadly there's a lot of nasty people out in the

> world bleeding their hate over everyone. You

> should teach your daughter to answer back and whip

> her phone out and video these pr*cks!

> I bet they wouldn't say jack S if they knew

> they're being filmed.

Unfortunately that might make the situation worse, particularly if there is nobody else around.