The Experiment: How friendly are we in East Dulwich??

[mikki100]

My husband is from a country where it is natural to exchange pleasantries such "good morning", "good afternoon" and "good evening" or simply "hello" to strangers without being perceived as crazy, dodgy or a drunk! I'm a Londoner born and bred so am used to no eye contact or communication between strangers unless absolutely necessary. However I love East Dulwich community spirit and would like to think we are more friendly than most Londoners so I've decided to put it to the test and will say hello to anyone I come across in East Dulwich tomorrow.

[Mazza6]

Sounds good, but you maybe perceived as a loon unless of course you have a dog! I say hello all the time to complete strangers - to fellow dog walkers... Good luck!

[minder]

Good for you mikki - I'm also a Londoner born and bred and only now, later on in life, I realise there is so much more happening.

I began chatting to a woman at the bus stop this morning who had a toddler in pushchair. Simple pleasantries but she looked pleased when my bus came along!

[Alex K]

Im Dorfe gruesst man sich, in der Groszstadt gruesst man sich nicht, as my cousin explained to me forty years ago. East Dulwich isn't a village, not any more.

[Huguenot]

It might get a bit tiring, a bit air steward.

Cultural habits like repetitive greeting often appear friendly, but I doubt they convey any meaning. After all, if you say hello to everybody, it's automatic.

It's a rather likeable thing about Brits that, save comments on meteorology, they can share the love without the handicap of bizarre repetitive ritualistic noise making.

I'm not sure it's healthy to take it upon yourself to 'test' people. Equal joy can be found in loving everyone you see without putting them to the sword.

[Alan Medic]

Good morning East Dulwich. Yes.......even including you! Think that covers it. This is East Dulwich isn't it? There's nowhere else but the Forum..........

[computedshorty]

My father used to go to the front gate in Lordship Lane, he always put on his flat cap, and raised it to all the women that passed, he knew most of them but always called them as Mrs SO & SO, the men he used their name, the children were spoken to as young Morgan, or young Smiffy.

They usually rersponded a little quip or by raising their hand or nodded.

My encounters now are to say " Alriight " they if they know me answer by " Alright ".

Not to speak to a near passing person seems to me that I cant be bothered.

If they dont know me, I might expect a visit from a man in a white coat.

[Worker]

Which country out of curiosity?

I'm from NZ and I've often heard other NZer's say that we say hello to strangers, which is utter b*llocks. Maybe to a fellow walker on a country road, but not in a town or city. No different to here then.

mikki100 Wrote:

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> My husband is from a country where it is natural

> to exchange pleasantries such "good morning",

> "good afternoon" and "good evening" or simply

> "hello" to strangers without being perceived as

> crazy, dodgy or a drunk! I'm a Londoner born and

> bred so am used to no eye contact or communication

> between strangers unless absolutely necessary.

> However I love East Dulwich community spirit and

> would like to think we are more friendly than most

> Londoners so I've decided to put it to the test

> and will say hello to anyone I come across in East

> Dulwich tomorrow.

[El Pibe]

"which country?"

Weirdly enough in large swathes of England it's pretty normal.

[Worker]

In large swathes of any country it's pretty normal. I large cities it ain't, so I don't think Londoners should feel they're an exception to the rule.

[KidKruger]

If someone says hello to me in London on the street and I can see he's said hello to 30 other people on the street before he gets to me, I'll think:

- He knows everyone in town, yet they all coincidentally pretend to be surprised when he greets them, how weird.

- He's foreign and practicing his English but has limited vocabulary today.

- He's a nutter.

- He has a large impression of himself.

- He's on amphetamines, or possibly drunk (if he's staggering).

In all cases I will say 'Hi' back, it's just impolite not to, and you don't meet people like this everyday so no huge overhead.

[ianr]

Good morning mikki100. Good morning Mazza6, minder, and Alex K. Good morning Huguenot, Alan Medic, computershorty, Worker, El Pibe and KidKruger. Good morning everyone. ....

[KidKruger]

...nutter

[Twirly]

Quite frankly, I think in a big city we just see far too many people on an average day to say hello to all of them - it would indeed be exhausting. If you're in a smaller town or village, or out for a country walk, and there's fewer people about, then it would be easier, and makes more sense as you may know them or even if not at least see them so they're familiar.

Having said that, if you do see the same individuals on a regular basis, say walking down your street on the way to work or waiting at the same bus stop, it might make more sense if not to say hello, to at least nod and smile (which might then progress to a hello, and a comment on the weather - which we Brits are of course very good at).

A few years back, I struck up an acquaintance on the bus. At the time, I used to commute via Peckham Rye, and caught the bus to the station. They were forever digging up Rye Lane and putting the buses on diversion (with out any notice), and one day when the bus veered right yet again, instead of going down Rye Lane, myself and a lady nearby let out a mutual groan of frustration as we realised that we were about to miss our trains. We exchanged a mutual moan about it, and then I kept seeing her after that, so we got chatting and became quite friendly for a while (till our commutes changed and I didn't see her any more).

What I'm trying to say is, let it happen naturally, but don't force it. A bit of eye contact (rare enough in London) and a smile is a good start.

[Calperson]

I've lived here for thirteen years, having grown up in Central London and this is way better. I often have little chats with people in shops, or in one case, got talking to a lovely woman in the Blue Mountain several years back. Someone had come in with a pushchair, which sparked a conversation about 'the right time to have a baby', ie there isn't one. And we became friends. I love that ED is a good mix of people and bars/cafes etc as well as shops and services. And to my mind at least it's neither scary nor snobby, the two London extremes. I don't think in this great capital you could do better. Other 'nice' places such as south Islington, where I used to live when first married and briefly after the children were born, are full of chains and in the case of that area, not a single park. There are many aspects of ED to treasure I think.

[PeckhamRose]

Pub last night at Liverpool Street Station. It was absolutely heaving. I was with two male friends. I saw a table with four chairs being used by just two people, and a spare chair nearby. I asked two people if they would mind if we crowded their space and we would try and not be too loud, and they kindly accepted. Their body language implied they were friendly enough (and they were not young people in their 20s who do sometimes appear more difficult to talk to when out). So I introduced myself and my friends to them, and we found out what we had in common and it was a lovely evening for all five ofus.

I think you have to be sensitive to who you are saying hello to, but also pick your 'subject',ie person and conversation subject, and you can learn so much and be happy you made the effort.

[charliecharlie]

people say hello to strangers on the Forum all the time, so why not on the street? I often stay good morning to people in my area that I don't know and sooner or later you find they are no longer strangers... I never find people seem to think it odd, they seems seem friendly back, that's how communities get to be friendly places... I say go for it Mikki...

[ianr]

KidKruger Wrote:

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> ...nutter

All well and good, KK. Rubbish my Lionel Blue impersonation if you will. You're not going to get my three-minute Thought For The Day now.

[Pugwash]

Although I alays told my kids never to talk to sreangers, if someone says good maorning to me I usually reply. Also if you are not sure of someone - a smile as an acknowledgement is just as good.

[Ariadne]

Hi Mikki, you didn't give the result of your test?? I agree with Charlie & think it's a great idea, people seem a lot brighter & acknowledge one another when the sun shines. It makes a difference to be greeted in a small shop than be ignored in a supermarket

[Ariadne]

Hi Mikki, you didn't give the result of your test?? I agree with Charlie & think it's a great idea, people seem a lot brighter & acknowledge one another when the sun shines. It makes a difference to be greeted in a small shop than be ignored in a supermarket

[monica]

When I am out and about, I always smile at people, and they always smile back. Smiles can lift your energy, and cheer you up. East Dulwich/Dulwich/Forest Hill communities are very friendly. Buy hey we already know that :)

[uncleglen]

After mattcart's experience at the co-op cash point, if anyone tries to speak to me near money I think I might be inclined to employ a Glasgow kiss!

[giggirl]

Why not go out into the world every day and be open and friendly and sincere with everyone you meet? Surely better than making up some rule that says you have to say hello to everyone. I applaud you wanting to make the area a friendlier place though.

On a side note, I like "old fashioned" greetings like "hello, welcome, good morning" etc. I detest "hello, how are you", "I'm fine how are you". Unless those people are close friends then it's just one insincere person communicating with another insincere person. If you doubt this, then the next time someone you hardly know says "how are you", then try telling them the truth.

You might think, so what, it's just a greeting and it doesn't really matter. I think it does matter that we mean what we say. I'd rather people said nothing than said something phoney.

[Worker]

I don't think it's phoney to ask 'How are you?' of people other than close friends at all. I've asked the question of at least 5 such people today (x2 coffee providers, x3 colleagues). Responses ranged from 'sh*t' to 'OK'.

I pity the fool who asks you how you are. Presume you give it to him or her with both barrels, the insincere w*nker.