Jump to content

Recommended Posts

  • 3 months later...

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter


"What are you doing?" she asked.


"Hunting Flies" He responded.


"Oh. ! Killing any?" She asked.


"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.


Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?"


He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.

Link to comment
https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/295-a-joke/page/47/#findComment-351526
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana when he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house 'Talking Dog For Sale'. He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador sitting there.

"You talk?" he says.

"Yep" the dog replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog speak, he says "So, what's your story?"

The Labrador looks up and says, "Well. I discovered I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping."

"I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running, but the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals."

"I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm retired."

The guys is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars." the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit."

Link to comment
https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/295-a-joke/page/47/#findComment-374372
Share on other sites

Man goes to barbers with his little girl to get his hair cut.


Whilst he is receiving his hair cut, his little girl sits close by eating a cake.


The barber smiles at the little girl and says: "you are going to get hair on your muffin".


The little girl replies: "yes, and I am going to get tits too - you dirty old bastard".




Courtesy of my best friend

Link to comment
https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/295-a-joke/page/47/#findComment-374399
Share on other sites

V silly joke...well it is Friday:



I was walking past the fridge earlier and thought I heard an onion singing a Bee Gees song, but when I opened the door it was just a chive talkin.....



I asked the chive if he wanted to be an onion? But it said I'm stayin' achive stayin' achive ah,ah,ah,ah stayin' achive.....

Link to comment
https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/295-a-joke/page/47/#findComment-374600
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Latest Discussions

    • That % of “affected” doesn’t mean they are all in deep trouble.  It means this will touch on them in some small way mostly - apart from the biggest farms  it’s like high rate tax earners taking to the street when Osborne dragged child/benefit claimants into self assessment.  A mild pain  the more I read, the more obviously confected it is. Still - just as with farage and his banking “woes”, a social media campaign is no barrier to the gullible  what percentage of farms affected by Brexit and to what degree compared go IHT?  Or does that not matter? Thats different money is it? 
    • Farmers groups say 35% of farms will be affected while the Treasury reckons its 27% - neither figure is a tiny portion. The problem is farming is often asset rich but cash poor meaning that those who inherit farms and have to pay the tax will likely need to sell land to pay for it and could well further impact the cash poor nature and productivity of that farm. I would have thought those who align on the left would be welcoming farmers protesting on the streets against a government making their lives more difficult. Good on them. Makes a change from tube and rail strikes at least! I was shocked to read that the average weekly earnings for agricultural workers was significantly lower than the national average.  Clearly Labour doesn't consider these working people.
    • A tax change that affects a tiny portion of farmers livelihoods and income - mass protest and wild accusations on forums like this    Brexit which impacted farmers income and uk food security far far far more ? Crickets. Absolutely nothing. “Price worth paying mate “   Don’t  be fooled about what this is about - it’s isn’t IHT.  
    • In deed, doesn't matter if he is a talented presenter he is, in my view, an rrrrrrsss.  Interestingly Farage was pronounced with a hard g.  But he affected the continental soft g.  Similar to the UK and US pronunciations of garage.  I've worked with people who were at school with him
Home
Events
Sign In

Sign In



Or sign in with one of these services

Search
×
    Search In
×
×
  • Create New...