Jah Lush Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 The police came to my front door last night holding a picture of my wife.They said, "Is this your wife, sir?" Shocked, I answered, "Yes". They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus." I said, "I know, but she has a lovely personality." Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/295-a-joke/page/57/#findComment-439110 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loz Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 What do you call a woman with two c***s?N-Dubz Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/295-a-joke/page/57/#findComment-439116 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marmora Man Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 She: Is my cleavage a bit too much in this dress?He: Do you have a hairy chest?She: NoHe: In that case your cleavage is a bit too much. Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/295-a-joke/page/57/#findComment-439123 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluerevolution Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 Dave goes to the doctors and tells him his wife is having problems when they have sexAfter a series of tests, the doctor concludes his wife suffers from overheating during sexHe instructs dave, the next time they have sex to put a fan on but Dave's a skinflint so asks his mate to waft a towelAfter 10 mins of sex Dave says to his mate give me the fucking towel do you want to have a go?his mate says yes okafter 2 or 3 minutes Dave's missus explodes all over the bed, and has the most intense ogasm everDave looks at his mate and says "now that's how you waft a f****** towel" Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/295-a-joke/page/57/#findComment-439801 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jah Lush Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 A lady walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of a salesman standing right behind her - Good looking as well. Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods. He politely greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today? Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident', she asks, 'what is the price of this lovely bracelet?' He answers, "Madam - if you farted just looking at it - you're going to shit yourself when I tell you the price! Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/295-a-joke/page/57/#findComment-441739 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mick Mac Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 I hope you got your secretary to type that Jah. I'd hate to think you wasted your personal time on that one. Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/295-a-joke/page/57/#findComment-441749 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jah Lush Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time."The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, and the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together."The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent.When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs, "Oh, no" he says, "everyone's fine. I've just quit drinking." Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/295-a-joke/page/57/#findComment-441784 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mick Mac Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Racist... Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/295-a-joke/page/57/#findComment-441802 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brendan Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I?d watch it Jah or he may set about you with his shillelagh. Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/295-a-joke/page/57/#findComment-441804 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alan Medic Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Mick Mac Wrote:-------------------------------------------------------> Racist...Are we supposed to guess what the rest of the joke is? Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/295-a-joke/page/57/#findComment-441810 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jah Lush Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Mick Mac Wrote:-------------------------------------------------------> RacistWhere the fecking punchline? Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/295-a-joke/page/57/#findComment-441822 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mick Mac Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 irishman walks into a bar with his nine mates. He orders 10 pints of Guinness. Barman asks if he would like a tray with that. He says - do you not think I have enough to carry?Brilliant. No? Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/295-a-joke/page/57/#findComment-441893 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jah Lush Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 No. Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/295-a-joke/page/57/#findComment-442002 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mick Mac Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 how rude Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/295-a-joke/page/57/#findComment-442021 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moos Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 What's the best cheese to use when getting a bear down from a tree?Camembert. Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/295-a-joke/page/57/#findComment-442052 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mick Mac Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 Don't understand that one. Went whey over my head. Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/295-a-joke/page/57/#findComment-442170 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frankito Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 Nice one Moos. Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/295-a-joke/page/57/#findComment-442178 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moos Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 Mick Mac, don't worry - I didn't get it the first time either. Had to get my friend to rennet past me again. Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/295-a-joke/page/57/#findComment-442208 Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Mc Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 Somebody just called me pretentious.I nearly choked on my organic lapsang souchong. Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/295-a-joke/page/57/#findComment-442891 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Scarlet Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 whats the difference between an essex girl and a walrus?one is hairy and smells of fish, the other is an equatic mammal.. Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/295-a-joke/page/57/#findComment-443036 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Scarlet Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 how do you know a blonds been using the computer...?tippex on the screen Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/295-a-joke/page/57/#findComment-443037 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Scarlet Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 Poor Peter Beardsley is the latest (ex-)player to be linked with a "super-injunction".Apparently the lass he shagged 15 years ago doesn't want to be named! Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/295-a-joke/page/57/#findComment-443039 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Scarlet Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 Whats the differance between bin laden and a boxer???...A boxer can still get up after 12 rounds..... Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/295-a-joke/page/57/#findComment-443985 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alan Medic Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 Welcome back Captain. I enjoyed the holiday. Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/295-a-joke/page/57/#findComment-443995 Share on other sites More sharing options...
???? Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 What is the difference between Ryan Giggs and Ed Milliband ?One is a fading left winger who has upset his brother and is having a difficult time with the press.The other is a footballer Link to comment https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/295-a-joke/page/57/#findComment-445998 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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