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a joke

Mark

By Mark
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KalamityKel

KalamityKel

Posted
Posted

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected 2 litres of low fat milk, a carton of eggs, 2 litres of orange juice, a head of lettuce, half a dozen tomatoes, a 500g jar of coffee and a 250g pack of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.


While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated," You must be single."


The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.


She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.


Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"


The drunk replied, "Cos you're ugly."

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Lynda

Lynda

Posted
Posted

BRITISH BEER


OR

INSTANT ENGLISH



UNITS LANGUAGE LEVEL


1 pint No change to your English

2 pints Your English goes up a level

3 pints Your English goes up a level

(but the grammar disappears)

4pints You become very fluent, but start mixing English

with your own language.

5 pints You discover you can sign in English,

and are brilliant at Karaoke

6 pints You suddenly know lots of taboo words in English

(Fortunately,no-one else seems to understand them)

7 pints You can't speak English at all

( and also forget your own language )

over 7 Your start speaking American English

( Danger Zone ) Then you start thinking the bad things you have done !

and miss the people you don't know.... Confuse.com ;-)

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  • 3 weeks later...
Marmora Man

Marmora Man

Posted
Posted

Apparently it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority so try this one:


An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and an African went to a night club.







The bouncer said: "Sorry, I can?t let you in without a Thai"

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Captain Scarlet

Captain Scarlet

Posted
Posted
The world of entertainment was saddened to read of the death of Larry Larue, inventor of the 'Hokey Cokey' and the unusual circumstances surrounding his burial. While the undertakers were putting his body in the coffin, they got his left leg in, his right leg in... and that was when the trouble really started...
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