Quiet room...

[dulwichmum]

Darling Michael!

Ana gave birth on Christmas morning - to a baby boy she has named Brad! The child is the image of his Samoan daddy (phew...)

It is not so much reggae that I like (DM Dread indeed - you devil!!!) and what in the name of God is "Skank"?

I love a little Bhangra.

[Michael Palaeologus]

*Will the child be sent up a chimney in the immediate future? No point in hanging about*

[dulwichmum]

Perfect Michael,

Why would I send the sproglet up a chimney - Ana will not allow me to have anything to do with it... (sniff...) and I was preparing to adopt the infant - in order to fine tune my resemblance to Angelina Jolie (adoption is terribly now darling). Apparently home spun babies are extremely last year. Pregnancy and childbirth are only for the help...

[Michael Palaeologus]

Sproglet could earn good money cleaning chimneys and the under-sides of looms. It is a well know fact that The Factories Act does not apply to illegal immigrants. You are after all providing shelter to the infant (albeit a shed) and should expect a return.

[dulwichmum]

Lovely Michael,

I cast them out onto the street just this morning, do you know anyone locally with a loom/weaving business? You don't think I acted in haste do you?

[Michael Palaeologus]

I think you may. I suspect that cheap child labour will be the saving of the UK economy if we have a recession.

[citizenED]

*retires to QR with a migraine from becoming embroiled in all the serious sh!t that's flying around in the Lounge*

*and in the Gossip*

*I need a lie down*

*.....or a stiff drink*

[Michael Palaeologus]

*Hands Citizen ED a stout drink and a cool cloth for his brow*

[dulwichmum]

*Pulls silkey eye patch from eye, looks around...*

"Is it morning yet?"

*Cracks open bottle of Krug and pours onto Cornflakes.*

[lozzyloz]

*wakes to sounds of burping, crunching and farting coming from dining area*

*through sleepy eyes spies large bulky builder type with cornflakes plastered around face*

*reaches under bed for jug of Bloody Mary, takes huge glug, pulls duvet over head and goes back to sleep*

[TillieTrotter]

*Bustles into the QR for the first time in many months*

*Crikey, it looks and smells like a blinking youth hostel in here*

*Right you lot, up, shower and grab ahold of these mops and dusters, we gonna have a spring clean*

*Throws open windows and sticks on a rousing tune*

[lozzyloz]

*Feeling roused, sleep walks to shower with duvet still wrapped around*

*Takes another sip from Bloody Mary jug*

*Realises too late that it was Tillie's MOP BUCKET!!!*

*Yeeaaaaaagghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!*

[dulwichmum]

*Stands up and has a nice long stretch.*

*Wafts into shower room - persued by small doggie*

[Michael Palaeologus]

*I only shower twice a year whether I need it or not. I had my last one in December for Christmas and am not due my next one until June. These pink long-johns will come off at that point and not before.*

Settles down to a lunch of pork n' beans having inexplicably come over all Slim Pickins.

*Chewing tobaccey Miss Dulwichmum? Your lookin' might perdy today, in the shower and all*

[Keef]

*Walks in and sees housework going on* *Walks back out again*

[TillieTrotter]

*Right you orrible lot, enough of this mutiny*

*Starts cracking the longest whip ever to be seen*

*Jump to it you lazy buggers*

[Michael Palaeologus]

*The rubber and leather Dominatrix look suits you Tilly*

[TillieTrotter]

*Why thank you Mr P, I'm quite liking it myself*

[dulwichmum]

Walks back into room with Arms full of Mail on Sunday - OHMYGOD!!! I AM IN THE PAPER!!!

"If I had known I would have had my spray tan topped up yesterday! Goes to lie down behind Japanese screen. I feel one of my heads coming on...(sigh)"

[Michael Palaeologus]

*Which bit?*

[dulwichmum]

Page 108 part 2.

OHMYGOD!

[Michael Palaeologus]

*Oh yes*

*I thought you were the "personal issue" that had caused Sean Bean's wedding to be postponed*

[dulwichmum]

OHMYGOD! How did you find out about that Michael - and to tell everyone on the forum too! Have you any gin? I can't seem to find it...

[Michael Palaeologus]

*I have a large bottle of home-distilled gin. It is best to drink it quickly as it disolves the bottles otherwise*

[dulwichmum]

Hurrah - although my veneers feel rather soft now... OHMYGOD!!!