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*Staggers in looking grey*


*Spots Shambles and nods, attemting to communicate empathy and sympathy - am currently unable to speak*


*Collapses into fave chair, hoping that DM wil use her medical skills the make the pain go away*


*A thought rises through the mists - "Where did Shambles disappear too last night?" one minute there and one minute gone and didnt say Goodbye - hmmm*


*Where's my Playboy?! I need something to read on the loo*

*breezes in fresh from trip with oldest daughter down north cross road (daughter now safely stowed away under mother's care*

*starts frying things, grilling things, scrambling things, pouring and mixing things, toasting things*

*after a time, places fry-ups (fries up?) on table along with prarie oysters and bloody marys etc.*

Arrives with enormous bottle of freshly squeezed orange juice, and dispenses glass of same to poor Ms Shambles and Mr Mikewbate. Rummages in enormous handbag and takes out paracetamol and dispenses same to last nights casualties. Opens windows and draws curtains. Sits down in fav. armchair. Looks around for favourite dog...
*Crawls in, takes a glass of orange juice and smiles at Dulwichmum (although this probably appears like more of a grimace). Nods to Ant, Mike, and Shambles. Considers fry up, but can't handle thinking. Washes down headache tablets with orange juice. lays on floor and tries to smother self with bean bag!*
Pulls fluffy Hungarian goose down pillow out from enormous handbag. Walks over to Mr Keef and places it carefully under his poor head. Returns to huge handbag. Drags enormous Hungarian goose down duvet out of handbag and puts it over Mr Keef. Thinks to self - that enormous Mulberry bag was worth the stacks of cash I (or rather James) paid for it!

Pulls another two duvets from enormous handbag for Ant and Bagpuss 78. Passes between groaning bodies with glasses of fresh orange juice and small candle.


Feels selfless, caring and ladylike - similar to Florence Nightingale. Decides to buy a corset and checks watch to see if Peter Jones on Sloane Square is still open.


Texts au pair with measurements and sends her straight to Rigby and Peller.

Walks purposefully into room carrying large bottle of Fabreze followed by Eastern European au pair dragging vacuum cleaner. Pushes curtains open, opens windows to allow cool spring breeze to fill room. Inhabitants run from room like vampires fleeing from light. Ana whacks vacuum into fourth gear and the silence is broken.


Newspapers rustle, duvets are confiscated and folded into enormous handbag. The smell of feet and halitosis are banished. Struggles to take an enormous eight wicked Diptyque 'Figuier' scented candle from handbag, finds small box of Claridges matches in side pocket of handbag and lights said candle. Recycling box outside lounge is stacked high with old copies of Razzle from underneath Mr Mikewbates chair. James arrives with tray of Starbucks Latte and leaves quickly.


Sits down and admires nail polish.

*gently opens door and checks that the room is empty*

*phew - not a soul in sight*

*marvels at how clean and fresh it is following weekend of sorry bodies having lain around for hours in a sordid state*

*leaves bunch of simple yet beautiful spring flowers for DM to say thank you for being so kind on behalf of the forum casualties*

*shuts door*


*rushes back in as forgot to leave bottle of chilled sancerre for DM which she deserves to enjoy in peace*

*physically flinches at sheer cleanliness and tidiness of room*

*puts a few applewood logs on the fireplace and adroitly fires them up*

*liberally spreads several sunday papers around self, finds observer crossword and pen and watches the snowstorm clouds gather outside*

*Wanders in feeling very Mondayish*


*Puts home-made Thank you card and "special" bottle on aubergine velvet armchair for Dulwichmum*


*Muses as to how silly it is to predict the weather a week in advance, and reminds self to laugh at Crystal upon next meeting*


*Makes Cream Soda from the soda-stream sits on bean bag, waves to Piers, starts reading Spiderman comics, as that is intellectual level that brain will allow today* B)

*comes back in after bracing walk outside, eyes glasses of wine gleefully*

*realises still has leprechaun outfit on from saturday, doh, dashes out to changing room*


...


*enters in smoking jacket, pantaloons and curly slippers, gives huguenot encouraging ruffle*

*offers dulwichmum reassuring hug*

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