Quiet room...

[diable rouge]

*Sprays disinfectant everywhere...*

[sjsl]

*checks stocks of loo rolls and pasta*

[KidKruger]

*starts tearing pages from old copies of National Geographic and impaling them on the rusty nail in the bathroom wall, adjacent to the toilet basin - because shops have no more loo roll*

[carlafindle]

KidKruger Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> *starts tearing pages from old copies of National

> Geographic and impaling them on the rusty nail in

> the bathroom wall, adjacent to the toilet basin -

> because shops have no more loo roll*

Except Nat Geographic is printed on wrong type of paper therefore promoting a 'bad wipe'

[stanleytripe]

* Realises that Nat Geo makes lousy bog roll, carefully and silently pleats the pages into face masks instead. Uses cord from light pull to tie them on. Bathroom now in permanent darkness.

[Michael Palaeologus]

*Cough*

[diable rouge]

*Checks coast is clear, tiptoes into loo and places Andrex Aloe Vera Super Soft Velvety Quilted toilet roll behind secret tiled access panel. Washes hands for 20 seconds singing There'll Always Be An England...*

[stanleytripe]

*Waits for diable rouge to prepare to leave then rushes out after them, so no need to touch the door handle.

[diable rouge]

*After turning round startled and accidentally knocking stanley clean out, decides to put him in the laundry shoot in the hope that the shock of waking up among Louisa's smalls will make him forget about the secret stash...*

[diable rouge]

*Spots Louisa throwing her laundry down the shoot, hears muffled ooooohs and ahhhhhhs...*

[stanleytripe]

*groggily comes to, believes has landed on a secret stash of medical face masks, puts one on.

[diable rouge]

*Spots Louisa make a bolt for the laundry room after realising she threw her grandchild's used Pampers down the laundry shoot by mistake...*

[diable rouge]

*Brushes cobwebs away, spots foot steps in the thick layer of dust on the floor and the whiff of oil...^

[Spartacus]

*not any old oil, but the oil used to protect a gun. Says out loud "somebody's not playing Fortnite fairly" and continues down the stairs *

[diable rouge]

*Locks cellar door and leaves Quiet Room thinking ''Job done, the Forum will thank me, no more bad one-liners''...*

[Spartacus]

* suddenly *

[diable rouge]

*Sobs uncontrollably...*

 

[KalamityKel]

I'm not sure that's oil...