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*Leaves note next to last remaining bottle of gin*


Dear DulwichMum, we would be honoured if you would grace us with your presence and be our special guest of honour on the Grand Opening night of the revamped bar - Shenanigans - on 1st August @ 8.00pm;

Happy Hour 8-9pm - all gin drinks 2 for 1;

First 50 customers free botle of gin;

Complimentary G&T with every chicken in a basket order;

Free entry to prize draw - Win a case of gin!


RSVP...

Picks up note and reads aloud. Takes pack of Smythson notelets and gold Cross fountain pen from enormous status handbag and writes:


Darling red devil,


How very kind! I can think of nothing that would give me more pleasure. However, sadly I shall be in Wales, retrieving my poppets from the my monster-in-law's lair. I shall send the housekeeper along instead. She has been stealing my gin for years, you are bound to make stacks of cash from her. I shall visit very soon though!


Best,


DM x

*'BANG!'...accidentally steps onto lonely looking party balloon.

Puts binbag full of empties out for the dustmen, and leaves note out for cleaners to clean up vomit stained Cath Kidson 'easy clean fabric' covered Chaise Longue.

Spies what looks like an item of ladies undergarment, hanging from the stags head over the fireplace...'Victoria's Secret', takes a closer look at what appears to be a monogram...'DM - This Way Up!'...*

Wafts into quiet room with long suffering housekeeper who is pushing industrial vacuum cleaner and wearing yellow Marigold gloves". Glances over at red devil and notices he is holding some red acrylic undergarments.


"OHMYGOD! Hold it the right way up man and put on your glasses. Let me see... it says "MP" - indicating that this item is owned by Michael Paleogolopodopadus. I NEVER wear man made fibres,and he adores wearing this type of thing. Anyhow, I am a married lady" (scowls and stomps foot).


"Albena, get scrubbing, now where did I put my dog stunner?"

"Och Aye the Noo my wee pals. Krivens! I have just returned from Edinburgh, do you like my kilt? The baby pink and chocolate tartan and empire line is quite the thing with the Japanese clansmen gathered on the Royal Mile eating traditional haggis in a basket and traditional Scottish Ice-cream as made by Paulo McGelato"


"As DM well knows I do not wear any form of intimate garmet next to my nethers, no matter who it is owned by"


"Gimme a pink Gin"

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