Noisy Neighbour Toddler Advice

[maniana]

I would turn this around to you and say: what do you suggest they do?

If they put the kid to bed at 7 and he keeps getting up and running around and making noise, short of chaining him up, there really isn't anything they can do.

One of my children particularly in the summer months is exactly the same - every night 3 hours plus of screaming, yelling, banging. We have tried everything. Apps, sleep training, locking his door, weighted blankets, calpol, everything. I would pay any money for a solution but I can't find one short of literally binding and gagging him which is illegal, so thus every evening is a horror show of chasing him down and back to bed.

Truly, before I had kids I would have been totally with you. And a lot of parents who have kids who respond to being told what to do will also be with you. But in my experience some kids just do things their own way, and it's tough for everyone around them, parents and neighbours included.

So that's what they can do.

What can you do? Soundproofing? Move? Wait it out? Offer to pay for a sleep trainer to help the kid go to bed? All genuine suggestions.

Good luck. But realistically with summer round the corner, it may well get worse before it gets better.

I'm not unsympathetic, far from it. It's my life every day so I know how awful it is. Just trying to be realistic in that you can only control those things you can control which is basically your own property. Even going to the landlord or the council or any other body is unlikely to change the kid's behaviour as believe me when I say, those parents are incentivised to get their kid to bed early. They WANT him to be quiet and sleep. Believe me from the bottom of my heart as a parent when I say that.

[maniana]

SpringTime Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

Rather odd that 7pm is

> kick off time... even with current situation

> affecting our daily schedules.

Not odd at all. Small kids get more hyper when they're tired.

[Lowlander]

What on earth has the nationality got to do with it? What if they were Nigerian or English?

Drop the obvious prejudices and you may get more sympathy. There is no set time for anyone of any age to go to bed.

[Whoeveritis]

I think the poster was implying that the family was a bit scummy. If that?s the case then he/she has my sympathies. I lived opposite a family like this and it wasn?t always nice. If it?s just the kids noise then it?s not right to be complaining but if it?s added on to other issues I?d get the placards out, snob or not.

[Monkey]

Chris, would you say you?re pretty quiet? If so, try making more noise...

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Nationality is relevant if it's a cultural thing. For example, Spain tends towards late night habits and their children go to bed later than here.

[Blah Blah]

Let's not beat around the bush here. A complaint about a noisy child (warranted or not) was embellished by both the nationality of the parents AND that they were tenants. If the parents had been English freeholders, would that have even been mentioned? Everyone can draw their own conclusions there.

[JohnL]

OP - Maybe cut this criticism by editing the original bit of text.

(just edited a bit about Biden).

[Sue]

chrisb0702 Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> So I?m sure this will divide the forum but just

> wanted to seek out your opinions.

>

> We own a 1st floor flat in a converted house with

> neighbours above and below who are both renters.

> We own a share of the freehold so do have contact

> with the owners. Whilst the walls are reasonably

> thin like in most conversions we don?t tend to

> have wider noise issues, particularly with the

> upstairs flat which is pretty harmonious. However

> the problem currently lies with the neighbours

> below on the ground floor who are a polish family

> with 3 boys, 2 late teenagers and one toddler who

> I think is around 2 years old. During the day when

> I?m working from home I don?t really hear a single

> thing from them but from 7pm to around 10pm the

> young toddler is running and jumping around like a

> manic which whilst noisy also causes the walls to

> shake. I?d say this has been going on now for a

> good 5-6 months and is hugely disruptive to our

> evenings. My partner is a doctor and as you can

> imagine in the current climate is exhausted when

> she comes home and we cant even watch the tv at

> 9pm without constant crashing and banging.

>

> Our frustrations finally came to a head last night

> when we knocked on the door and politely, and I do

> mean politely, explained our situation and the

> disruption it was causing thinking maybe they were

> unaware of the impact. The response was a bit

> galling in my opinion, we were met with ?what am I

> meant to do, he?s a child?. Now I know it?s

> difficult with young children and I do sympathise

> but personally I don?t think toddlers should be

> awake and that active past 8pm at night. Whilst

> you can?t tell people how to bring up their child

> when we pushed them further they said they are

> struggling to get him to sleep and whilst they

> would love him to be in bed at 7pm they can?t do

> anything about it and he would be starting nursery

> in September so he would likely be in a better

> routine by then.

>

> I guess my frustrations here lie with the fact

> that they acknowledge their child is making noise

> but essentially they are not willing to do

> anything about it and given we?ve already had 5-6

> months of this we are expected to tolerate it even

> longer until September when they can be bothered

> to try get him to adhere to what I would say is a

> normal toddler sleeping pattern because then it

> suits them.

>

> As I said I fully expect this to divide the crowd

> but would be interested to hear your guys sensible

> and polite (I?m not looking for an online argument

> as well lol!!) thoughts of what we can do next.

> Are we in the wrong here, i don;t think so but

> lets see. Thanks!!

Without the original post, the comments make no sense.

And for what it's worth, I'm wondering what exactly the OP is suggesting the parents do with a toddler to make him sleep and/or be quiet. S/he says they are "not willing to do anything about it".

And "when they can be bothered ...."

What are they supposed to do? Sedate him? Tie him down and gag him? Beat him into submission?

If you move into a place knowing that the walls are thin, I'm not sure you are in a very strong position to complain about noise. I'm guessing if the OP can hear the toddler, the neighbours can probably hear his/her TV.

Just a wild guess, but I'm guessing the OP has never lived with a toddler.

And yes, why it was necessary to mention their nationality or the fact that they are tenants, I have no idea. Is the implication that if they were English freeholders their toddler would be quiet every evening?

[JohnL]

That's true, afraid I'm a serial editor of posts due to consistent errors. :)

[Nigello]

I think you should all stop mind reading because, well, it doesn't work! All I can see here is people using what the OP said as a wagon for their own virtues and prejudices. We have no idea why he said they were Polish - perhaps it was because he is a total xenophobe, or maybe it is because he thought that their experiences abroad somehow formed their style of child raising. (We are always told that we mustrecognise and celebrate the diverse nature of people so it follows there must be diverse ways of raising children.)

PS Chris could also be a woman, so all those folk who are thinking I am demonstrating anti-female and/or anti-gay bias, don't.

[Sue]

Nigello Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I think you should all stop mind reading because,

> well, it doesn't work! All I can see here is

> people using what the OP said as a wagon for their

> own virtues and prejudices. We have no idea why he

> said they were Polish - perhaps it was because he

> is a total xenophobe, or maybe it is because he

> thought that their experiences abroad somehow

> formed their style of child raising. (We are

> always told that we mustrecognise and celebrate

> the diverse nature of people so it follows there

> must be diverse ways of raising children.)

>

> PS Chris could also be a woman, so all those folk

> who are thinking I am demonstrating anti-female

> and/or anti-gay bias, don't.

What do you think about the use of "snowflakes"?

[Nigello]

It's overused and cliched, so I don't use it.

[Whoeveritis]

English Freeholders can be arrogant and entitled assuming everyone will put up with their unruly kids behaviours, it?s either end of the same spectrum.

[Sue]

Nigello Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> It's overused and cliched, so I don't use it.

The OP did. Just wondering if the interpretation of that involves mind-reading as well.

[Penguin68]

Off the wall suggestion here, but why doesn't the OPs offer to babysit the toddler (if there is no other childcare bubble in operation) - give the parents a break if nothing else. They may either find just how uncontrollable the toddler is, and perhaps feel more sympathetic/ understanding - or even find some remedy to engage the child so he isn't so disruptive, and share this with his parents. With lockdown etc. at the moment, and in a small flat (I'm guessing) toddlers do get beside themselves with frustration and boredom. They will have no little friends they can meet and play with (and tire themselves out). My grandson is charming, but even for him there is only so much he can take.

Currently in almost continuing lock-down, and with no safe outlets (you can only meet up with one other person with a child outside, and none inside unless in a childcare bubble) life as a toddler parent is, frankly, often awful.

[chrisb0702]

Thanks Nigello, there seems to be a lot of mind reading and subsequent assumptions about my character which is I don?t think is particular fair but that?s the perils of posting on a forum. Just to clarify a few things:

? I asked for people?s opinion without abuse, I knew it was a topic that would divide the crowd but I originally tried to include as much detail without going overboard.

? We own a share of the freehold of the building, I didn?t state this to give 2 fingers to those who rent, was just stating fact to help garner opinion

? I put their nationality in there for no sinister or discriminatory reason. I don?t post on forums so was just an oversight of inexperience. I have no prejudices against nation, race etc and I find it quite galling that?s what people jump onto straight away

* The flat they live in is not small, its over 2 floors, has a garden and 4 bedrooms. The noise is just located in what i assume is their living room and only occurs in the evening

? I never said the family were ?scummy? or insinuated anything of the sort. Only thing I mentioned was their unwillingness to consider the noise which is really the main frustration. If the shoe was on the other foot my and neighbour said I was making a noise that was disturbing them, whether in my control or not I would attempt to try and mitigate and be as civil as possible.

? The issue was the consistent level of noise and banging that would also make our walls shake that would continue from 7pm until 10pm. Wasn?t suggesting the child should be quite or tied down or whatever comments have come my way from 7. Just more was the consideration was its constant nature. I know kids are kids and stating as such my sympathises in OP

? Probably shouldn?t have said ?snowflake? comment but when you are being accused of snobbery, racism etc I just bit back. Probably shouldn?t but only human

Anyways issue is now resolved. We spoke to the landlord who helped intervene and there is no significant banging. We never wanted any ill feeling, just mutual consideration from all parties (including us) to make sure we can all enjoy our properties and that seems to be the outcome.

First and last time posting here. Thanks to all those that provided sensible responses. The venom that comes from others just seems so unnecessary especially when none of you know me. Anyways regardless hope every stays safe

Nigello Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I think you should all stop mind reading because,

> well, it doesn't work! All I can see here is

> people using what the OP said as a wagon for their

> own virtues and prejudices. We have no idea why he

> said they were Polish - perhaps it was because he

> is a total xenophobe, or maybe it is because he

> thought that their experiences abroad somehow

> formed their style of child raising. (We are

> always told that we mustrecognise and celebrate

> the diverse nature of people so it follows there

> must be diverse ways of raising children.)

>

> PS Chris could also be a woman, so all those folk

> who are thinking I am demonstrating anti-female

> and/or anti-gay bias, don't.

[Peckhampam]

I'm very pleased for you at the outcome chrisb. And perhaps it will make all the people who made stupid posts on here stop and think. If an intervention from the landlord made the noise get better, it obviously wasn't that hard for the parents to achieve. They just hadn't cared enough when you asked them to.

[KidKruger]

Ha ha - glad you got it sorted / improved, good for you.

Don?t worry about the ?racist? chant, I got the same accusation a couple of days ago (I think by one of the same on this thread).

Don?t let it put you off using the forum, there?s nice people not all idiots.

I?m sure these people wouldn?t say it to your face if you were sat down in a pub, cos they know they?d run the risk of getting their face filled-in. They would from me anyway.

chrisb0702 Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Thanks Nigello, there seems to be a lot of mind

> reading and subsequent assumptions about my

> character which is I don?t think is particular

> fair but that?s the perils of posting on a forum.

> Just to clarify a few things:

>

> ? I asked for people?s opinion without abuse, I

> knew it was a topic that would divide the crowd

> but I originally tried to include as much detail

> without going overboard.

> ? We own a share of the freehold of the building,

> I didn?t state this to give 2 fingers to those who

> rent, was just stating fact to help garner

> opinion

> ? I put their nationality in there for no sinister

> or discriminatory reason. I don?t post on forums

> so was just an oversight of inexperience. I have

> no prejudices against nation, race etc and I find

> it quite galling that?s what people jump onto

> straight away

> * The flat they live in is not small, its

> over 2 floors, has a garden and 4 bedrooms. The

> noise is just located in what i assume is their

> living room and only occurs in the evening

> ? I never said the family were ?scummy? or

> insinuated anything of the sort. Only thing I

> mentioned was their unwillingness to consider the

> noise which is really the main frustration. If the

> shoe was on the other foot my and neighbour said I

> was making a noise that was disturbing them,

> whether in my control or not I would attempt to

> try and mitigate and be as civil as possible.

> ? The issue was the consistent level of noise and

> banging that would also make our walls shake that

> would continue from 7pm until 10pm. Wasn?t

> suggesting the child should be quite or tied down

> or whatever comments have come my way from 7. Just

> more was the consideration was its constant

> nature. I know kids are kids and stating as such

> my sympathises in OP

> ? Probably shouldn?t have said ?snowflake? comment

> but when you are being accused of snobbery, racism

> etc I just bit back. Probably shouldn?t but only

> human

>

> Anyways issue is now resolved. We spoke to the

> landlord who helped intervene and there is no

> significant banging. We never wanted any ill

> feeling, just mutual consideration from all

> parties (including us) to make sure we can all

> enjoy our properties and that seems to be the

> outcome.

>

> First and last time posting here. Thanks to all

> those that provided sensible responses. The venom

> that comes from others just seems so unnecessary

> especially when none of you know me. Anyways

> regardless hope every stays safe

>

>

>

>

> Nigello Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> > I think you should all stop mind reading

> because,

> > well, it doesn't work! All I can see here is

> > people using what the OP said as a wagon for

> their

> > own virtues and prejudices. We have no idea why

> he

> > said they were Polish - perhaps it was because

> he

> > is a total xenophobe, or maybe it is because he

> > thought that their experiences abroad somehow

> > formed their style of child raising. (We are

> > always told that we mustrecognise and celebrate

> > the diverse nature of people so it follows

> there

> > must be diverse ways of raising children.)

> >

> > PS Chris could also be a woman, so all those

> folk

> > who are thinking I am demonstrating anti-female

> > and/or anti-gay bias, don't.

[DuncanW]

KK - If you're referring to me, please don't threaten violence on a public forum.

Please feel free to contact me directly if that's the route you want to travel on.

[Chick]

This is getting a little macho! Thought we had left the playground a while back!

[KidKruger]

If I wanted to meet you privately I would already have PM?d you. Or anyone else. Why do you think I need reminding of what I?m already capable of doing ?

I?ve threatened no violence, so cut the drivel.

I could repeat what I typed above, but it?s there already. Pretty clear.

No need to conflate or extrapolate my words, but thanks for the offer, I think !

[JohnL]

Anyway lets all be pleased the banging has stopped.

(not related to Boris being on TV at all)

[Blah Blah]

Adults who use 'inexperience' as the reason for the language they use are not even beginning to understand the issue with the language. What the OP means is that they regret the language used because of the backlash, not because they understand why using it was inappropriate. So nothing learned whatsoever.

[DuncanW]

"they know they?d run the risk of getting their face filled-in. They would from me anyway."

Just to be clear, you will be able to find me if you need to.